Friday, December 17, 2010

My Redneck Award - #1

As posting fodder I thought I would create a SNERDs (SuperNerds) award and give it out now and then. Since this site is dedicated to the duality that is my nerdy/redneck personality I think it only fitting that I give out Redneck awards as well.

Sooo, the first coveted Nerdyredneck Redneck Award (the Reddy?) goes to the the City of Minneapolis!

Who says rednecks are a southern thing? Minneapolis really embodies the spirit of bubble gum, bailing wire and duct tape of the true Redneck.

Just to lay a foundation of hard core redneckdom, in 2007 you had a major bridge spanning over a major river just collapse in perfectly good weather Don't take my word for it, see it HERE. See, no hurricane, no flood, no earthquake. Not even a plain old rain storm. Nope it just fell down alllll by itself!

A metaphorical bridge in Minneapolis.
See, everyone knows that if you don't paint steel, you know, every decade or so, it will turn to rust. So, did you guys paint your bridge? Nope, in true redneck fashion you just ignored it and let it rot away just like an old Chevy rotting away in the overgrown yard.

Now that is pretty good rednecking; I mean that is almost as rednecky as leaving your boat in the water until freaking December but the real redneck magic is the Metrodome roof collapse See it HERE! I love this! (If you have not seen the roof collapse be sure to click the link so you will understand the rest of this post.)

Ok, here in the civilized world we have these incredible building materials called steel and concrete that are just AWESOME for making large very strong buildings. You know, its really the cool 'in' thing to use here in the civilized world! Ever since the Eiffel Tower a mere 1.21 centuries ago (and the last noteworthy thing the French ever did) every large structure built on this planet has used this weird substance known as met-tul (at least the ones that don't fall down)

So did you guys use the strongest building materials on earth to build a very large stadium?

Oh gosh no, Billy Joe Bob Bubba-Lee, you built your roof out of freaking pool floaties!

Redneck building supplies. Say, where is the duct tape?
 Now, could say Los Angeles, or Phoenix pull off a stadium roof made of pool floaties? Probably. They don't have hurricanes. And you know it's not like it might snow a lot in Minneapolis or even possibly snow-  It WILL snow, in fact on the average of only 3.7 freaking feet (over a meter) of snow per winter!! Hellooooo, reality calling!

But hey, after the bridge collapse it is really hard to blame you, I mean you never have to paint a floatie to keep it from rusting! Right?

So congratulations City of Minneapolis. You have really shown future contenders of the coveted Reddy how it's done!


Cheeseboy said...

Minnesota has always been a little backwards. Ever since those kids moved to Beverly Hills from that area. The Walsh's.

tammy said...

You're right - total redneck move!

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

@Cheesboy - Rowr- FFFFFTTT! :)

@tammy - I just wish I could prove it but I just KNOW duct tape was involved somehow!

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

It's been two months and I can't believe that no one from MSP has jump square in my shit yet about this post!

Anonymous said...

It's more Redneck than you think. You see it was a gift from a rich uncle back east. Nobody around here had seen anything like it. You didn't have to wait for the river to freeze or use a boat to cross the river. How cool is that? So soon everybody had to try out this new fangled contraction from back east and they liked it. Soon more people started to use it than was ever intended. This was a problem. Sven and Ole had a solution. They just put more lanes on it. That thing just got more popular, you betcha. Same thing happened again. This time they came up with radical new solution. They put more lanes on it. Damn sure enough, the thing just fell it to the river. It wasn't anybodies fault. With all the millions and millions of crossings in never failed. The more people crossed it, the better the odds got that it wouldn't fall per crossing. That's what some of the locals boys that made good and went collage said so it must be true. Anyway, we went back to our rich uncle back east and told him "that fancy bridge you sent just fell in the water". What should we do about that? He said not to worry we will send you a new 8 lane job, but you have to quit getting rich and making babies that buy cars. So, now they take away your money if you make too much so you can't afford to make all those babies that grow up to overload the bridge. Thank God they got those smart people to figure it out for us stupid rednecks that can't do anything right for ourselves without central planning and wealth redistribution. Whew, I was getting worried don't ya know.
Bill (The Minnesota Redneck)

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

@Bill - You just brought a tear to my eye! That was AWESOME! You nailed it buddy! Man did you ever nail it! Its an honor to meet 'cha Bill