Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I don't know what to think

One of my rare serious posts…

Ok, I am well aware that I am a “non-standard” thinker but I think this one really takes the cake. Am I *that* different?

I was in the cafeteria at work this morning eating breakfast. The fire alarm goes off!

As well as a full kitchen they have an area in the cafeteria with several microwaves and a couple of toaster ovens for general use. One of the toaster ovens had too many bread crumbs built up in the bottom and the crumbs started to smoke setting off the fire alarm.

The person heating their English muffin was a bit flabbergasted at the smoke so we pulled the crumb tray out, poured some coffee on the smoldering crumbs and then opened a couple of windows to let the smoke out. Problem solved. Case closed.

That should be the end of the story.

Meanwhile the strobes lights are going off, the alarm is making that distinctive “whooooooop” noise and the whole 13 story building is evacuating. We called the front desk and let them know it was just smoking bread crumbs in the toaster oven. Then I sat back down to eat my eggs. Alone.

A few minutes later the “fire wardens” come in, asked me in absolute shock what I am doing here(!). Talking around my eggs and toast I told them, pointing, the toaster oven right there, bread crumbs, coffee, windows open, problem solved.

“You have to evacuate!”
“Why, I already put the ‘fire’ out.”
“The lights are flashing you have to leave!”
“I put the ‘fire’ out already. I opened the windows, the smoke is gone. I notified the front desk that the problem was solved, WHY would I run outside now?”
“Because the light is flashing!! Leave, now!”

I was flabbergasted at these people being so robotic and they thought I was utterly insane! How could you possibly see the flashing light and not run screaming for your very life?

Now I have people coming in to make fun of me for not leaving the building. You know, making cracks along the line of, ‘not smart enough to come in out of the rain or leave a burning building- ha ha’. I just sit and listen but on the inside I beside myself. Really?

Is this what we as a society have come too? We can not think, we can not reason. We are controlled by the flashing light? We must obey the commands of the light? Anyone who does not mindlessly obey the light is deserving of ridicule. (peer pressure, group think) Really?

Seriously, I find this all very, very disturbing. What has become of us?

Monday, March 29, 2010

It’s Just Not Right!

Ok, Disney has been selling sex to kids for years under the guise of good family entertainment but I think they have just gone too far now!

I got a happy meal Friday and I got a toy from a new Disney movie. I was totally disgusted! I mean it’s one thing to be having all kinds of hot “stars” wearing limited clothing getting the kids wound up but now, now they have *really* crossed over the line; now they are promoting bestiality, I man c’mon man! Jeez Louise!

Look at this toy, a TOY meant for children!



Oh NO! What the hell is that boy doing to that whale? Oh mine gott that is just soooo wrong!
1) Kid, this is NOT why they call it a blow hole.
2) Seriously, This is NOT what they meant by “Free Willie”.

I mean seriously, can you believe they are pushing this kind of smut on kids? I hope you all will join me in protesting this!

Then we wonder why Tiger and Jesse can't keep it in their pants when they have been having this kind of crap shoved into their brains since they were weeeee little ones!

(EDIT: Hours after I posted this I came back for a proof read and I noticed that even the little girl on the McDonald's cup in the background is horrified at what she is seeing!!!)

Friday, March 26, 2010

New Product Announcement

Ok, this one just totally cracked me up.

Perhaps it's my admittedly childish sense of humor but I loved it.

Be warned though, it is laced with profanity so be careful playing it at work or around little ones.

video

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Ok, that’s weird!

I was replying to a comment and referenced former corrupt Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. (to my former grammar teachers let me apologize for the triple redundancy in a single sentence, corrupt Illinois politician is really pushing the redundancy boundaries) Since I am not too good with spelling period let alone Polish spelling I needed to look up Blagojevich. If you did not know this Google is great spell checker, just type a few characters and BOOM, the pick list will pop up and you have your spelling. If it does not then go ahead and search and google will ask “Did you mean {correct spelling}?”

Nowadays that pick list is populated by popular searches other people are doing

So when I typed in “blogo” into the Google toolbar this is what I saw…



What? “Blagojevich blacker than Obama” is the top search on Blagojevich? WTF people! Too weird! So weird I felt I better grab a screen shot or you would not believe me!

(yeah I don’t normally post twice in a day but the last two posts have been so weak I felt compelled)

Lost and Found

Attention please: Someone left a tube of Vagisil in the men’s restroom.

Will the owner please report to HR.

Thank you.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Self Flagellation

I just visited one of Satan’s miniature incarnations of hell on earth. The Mexican Buffet complete with Habanera salsa.

Oh the steam trays of doom piled high with sacrifices to gluttony, the desert bar of sirens calling you to your demise, the awful, terrible things that happen to refritos frijoles as they work their way through your GI tract. The sweat and tears from the habanera, Gods warning that you are stepping into the valley of the shadow of death.

But then he went and gave us endorphins to make the pain feel happy! Go figure!

It reminds me of the song "Hurts So Good" By John Mellencamp... but with one change to the chorus

"Hurts so good.
Come on baby, make it hurt so good.
Sometimes food don't feel like it should.
Oh baby it hurts so good."



To top it all off, I need someone to rub cocoa butter on my belly to prevent stretch marks. Anyone? Please?

Monday, March 22, 2010

Welcome Comrades!

Well we as a nation took one large step towards communism last night, "Hello central planning"! I mean it's been such a smashing success everywhere else it's been tried so lets jump on that bandwagon. Sheesh!

I am stunned and I am very worried. This is the kind of betrayal of basic principles that can set off civil wars. I have a son. For the first time in my life I am afraid of the future. I don't know if you can grasp how significant that is to me. You see, I am the 'eternal optimist' type but I now fear the future. That has NEVER happened to me before and that alone scares the crap out of me so it is a little self reinforcing endless loop of fear.

Of all the questions that have been asked since this betrayal of American principles began the one question I have not heard asked or answered is; So where are the Canadians going get their health care now?

Friday, March 19, 2010

Give Thanks

Well, we all take some things for granted but if we stop and think about it a minute our lives here are the end result of millions and millions giving up their very lives so that we may live.

I think it’s a good time to take just a minute to stop and think about those millions and millions who did their duty and without a second thought went to their deaths so that we could live.

Sorry, I get a little weepy when I think of the bravery of it all…



Wednesday, March 17, 2010

FOR SALE




1971 Cadillac Coupe Deville.

Engine is seized and when it ran it only got 4 miles to the gallon.

However, this land yacht would make an excellent spare bedroom, or perhaps a nice storage shed or even an excellent playground for the kids!

$400 obo

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Epiphany!

I am the kind of guy that ponders why evolution or God has shaped us they way it has.

For example, the things that make a woman beautiful can generally be explained in evolutionary terms, they are all traits that would be helpful to survival for mother and/or child. Clear skin indicates good health, good teeth are obvious, wide hips for child bearing, wide set eyes improve depth perception, etc.

On a related note I have noticed that as men age their ears, nose and eyebrows and back become extremely furry while at the same time the head looses hair. I have often joked it is just gravity at work pulling the hair downhill but seriously, what evolutionary purpose could these traits possibly have?

It a question I have pondered in the background during spare cycles for quite a while now and have never had a good explanation for. Today I had an epiphany though!

At the office two younger female coworkers were standing in the hall chatting and an older guy walked by them. After he passed I could hear them giggling and whispering “OMG, did you see his ear hair? Gross!”
“Ewwwww, Totally!”

Ah ha! The light bulb flashed! I got it! All that hair is nature’s way of making sure men don’t have sex after they have reached an age where sexual activity could harm or even kill them! All that excess hair makes sure that no matter how much Viagra they take they just ‘aint getting any!

Well, I’m glad I finally figured that one out.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

what a world we live in.

So today I read an article about Cisco's new router technology. I will place a few snippets below..

Cisco Systems Inc. on Tuesday rolled out a new router that the technology behemoth says will "serve as the foundation of the next generation Internet."

Dubbed CRS-3 Carrier Routing System, Cisco said its new product has "more than 12 times the traffic capacity of the nearest competing system."

The company also said the new router "triples the capacity of its predecessor" and "enables the entire printed collection of the Library of Congress to be downloaded in just over one second; every man, woman and child in China to make a video call, simultaneously; and every motion picture ever created to be streamed in less than four minutes."
Wow, now that strikes me as pretty impressive. Ok, so read on...

Initial reactions to the product rollout were mixed.

Rajan Varadarajan, an analyst with Primary Global Research, said the new router is significant for service providers such as AT&T. "But, perhaps the investors were looking to see an Apple iPhone phone type of game-changer announcement from Cisco, which it is not," he added


Oh! So it's not pretty, with moving colors, you know like a babies crib mobile, so you know, ho hum!

To me this is about equivalent to an announcement that a major highway had been completed and is now open for traffic but "analysts" say, but it's not a Maserati, it not red and shiny so ho hum.

This is the kind of thing that baffles me about humans.

This concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

dang!

Last night in bed I was in that half asleep half awake mode in the middle of the night and I did a nice stretch and I felt a little *pop* in my back. I guess I pulled a muscle so today I am a little gimpy with a sore lower back.

Ok, so you officially know your life sucks when your hurt you back in bed (and you are alone)

Gah!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Minor Rant…

I like Girl Scout cookies and even though they are pricey buying them has always had a “feel good” factor involved because you know you are helping a decent organization.

However, I have been getting miffed of late and I have now instituted a firm new policy.

From now on I will ONLY buy Girl Scout Cookies from real live Girl Scouts!

No more will I buy from parents of Girl Scouts in the office. I mean a big part of the Girl Scouts selling cookies was to get them out there and off their butts and SELL. Do something! Earn something! It’s not supposed to be about Mommy and Daddy running yet another errand for baby darling while she watches TV.

Nope, I hereby vow that I will never turn down an actual Girl Scout but at the same time I will never again buy from parents of Girls Scouts. (if their parents are just escorting them, watching over them that is fine)

I also believe that if you really care about Girl Scouts that you should make the same vow as well.

Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day. :)