Monday, February 18, 2008

Embarrassing Quickies...

Crazy Momma asked last week what embarrassing things have your kids said.

One time when Brian was like four we were on the 12-hour drive back to where my family lives for a big Christmas to do. While we thought he was asleep in the car seat the wife and I were up front gossiping and probably giggling.

When we got home everyone was there and since Brian was the baby all the family was going ga ga over him and really pumping up his ego. You know how kids love to show boat right? So he is hamming it up knowing he is the center of all attention. He walks up to my sister and in a nice loud voice says, "Aunt Celeste, what is a slut and why does Daddy call you that?"

All the laughter instantly stopped replaced by an awkward deafening silence.

Now, everyone in the room knew she was a slut (at the time) but I got so many lectures from aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents about how I should never talk that way in front of the child! For five years after that my standard refrain was "I know, I know! I thought he was asleep!"


There was one other time he really embarrassed me but this one was not my fault. You have to set the WABAC machine for this one...Little Rock Arkansas, end of the 80's.

My first computer was a Commodore 64. Yes, an ENTIRE 64 kilobytes of storage! Can you imagine? It was awesome! It had a cassette tape drive that you would load programs from or save things too. It was very cheap; I mean blank cassettes cost nothing back in the day! :) Besides the whole system cost me $199 brand new from Sears.

The down side to tape was that it was no faster at data than at music so it would take a half hour to start loading a game then you had to turn the tape over and load from the other side.

So, I saved up and bought a 5 1/4 inch floppy drive. If memory serves me it held a 112 k. (128k minus overhead) This was a HUGE deal at my house. That disk drive cost $199 the same as the whole original system had cost. However, it would load a game in 5 minutes instead of 45! Now that is POWER! Bwuh ha ha! I believe I literally danced in the front room at the pure glee of such awesome processing power!

Like I said it was a huge deal I was like a kid at Christmas. So I announced I was going to Sears to buy a game on FLOPPY DISK instead of tape! "Fine, take Brian with you." "Ok, c'mon little buddy, lets get a floppy disk game! Yeah!"

Brian was a toddler then. Still in diapers and still had a cute little baby lisp. He really could not say "S's" yet.

So we are at Sears in the computer department looking at games. There is another lady there in the aisle too. Brian was always a friendly kid so he wanted to share the big news too. He wanted to tell the nice lady about our amazing new floppy disk drive. However, he had that problem with making the S sound.

So he walks up to the lady, tugged on her skirt, she turned a smile down at him and was all ears. Then he  said, "Hey lady, my daddy has a floppy dik." (diSk without the S)

This lady did not say a word but her smile at the cute toddler was slowly replaced by the glare she turned on me. That glare seemed to say, 'What the hell are you doing with this child!?'. Oh dear lord I instantly felt my face flush, I mean I could feel the heat radiating from my face! The adrenaline hit and I started to stutter on about how he means DISK - DISK! He can't say S's yet I swear! I was so flustered I know I was looking guilty!

We immediately left without buying a game and for weeks I waited for the knock on the door from family services.


Kat said...

Ok now that I am back standing up and no longer rolling on the floor laughing and trying to fill my lungs with air, may I just say that whatever kids say is priceless. It really is because you can't make this stuff up.

My Daddy has a floppy dic now that is just hilarious and flat out brilliant. No pun intended LMAO

Melissa said...

LOL! I think your son called you out, huh? ;)

Thankfully we haven't had anything quite so bad but there was that one time Hope said G-ddammit in front of her great grandma...yea, that didn't go over to well either.

We also had a problem with fox for a bit...

I tagged you for 7 quirky things...I hope your feeling better.

Crazymamaof6 said...

OH that is hilarious! COL! floppy dic huh? good to know! amazing the technology advances.

Sauntering Soul said...

Holy crap that was hysterical! Well, except for the part about being sick.

When my niece was 2 or 3, my brother took her to Target. She told him her tummy hurt. He asked her if she had a stomach ache or if she just had gas. She told him it was only gas. She then proceeded to tell every single person they passed in Target "Hey, I have gas".

Hope you're feeling better!

Tanya said...

Thats too funny. Its amazing how kids always know the worst thing to repeat, then do exactly that.

Jules said...

POOR AUNT CELESTE!!! OMG, this totally cracked me up. That 2nd story was almost too much to handle. Did you want to crack open the floor of Sears, down into the Earth's core and fall through to China or WHAT?
House of Jules

Rob said...

Kat- Yeah, priceless, that’s a word! :)

Melissa- Oh yeah, Fox will get ya in trouble! :)

CrazyMomma- It is amazing!

Sauntering- Yeah me too! :)

Tanya- I never thought of it that way but yeah.

Jules- You know, being the jerk I am I never thought about how CELEST felt! I just knew I wanted to die. Now that I do think about it though I am sure she was proud. She worked hard for that title! ;)

Beth said...

OMG!!!! Is your dik still floppy??!!!

That is too funny!!!

Jules said...

Beth, OMG, your comment almost made me spit out my drink!
House of Jules

SuperCoolMom said...

When I was pregnant with #2 we referred to the baby as a little peanut. Our 4 year old began telling people that I had a peanut in my tummy. Only it sounded like penis.

"Um, no...what he means is...well, we call it..."

Rob said...

Beth- Well, it really depends on my mood! ;)

Melissa- Sure, Peanut! *I* believe you! :)

Bianca Reagan said...

You had a toddler at the end of the 80s? Wow. I wasn't even in fourth grade then. Not that I have kids now. They're expensive.

Melek said...

bahahahahaha...great stories!

once, when i was, oh i dont know, a kid, we were having lunch with my dad and his family. my parents had been divorced since i was two. and as much as mom tried not to, occasionally she let some spiteful thing about her ex come out in front of us. So, at this lunch, with my dad, his wife, daughter and parents (probably a sibling or two also) i say "Dad, mom says you can't walk and chew gum at the same time. But it's really easy. even i can do it."

silence ensued.

good times.

Rob said...

Bianca- See? I am NOT old enough to be your father. What are you doing Friday night?

Melek- I just love those awkward silences!

Bianca Reagan said...

I'm hanging out in LA, just like every other night.

Aaron's Blog said...

The original floppies were 180kb, unless they were double sided, in which case they were 360kb. That is, the 5 1/4" drives. Not the 8" drives. Which were worse.

Ahhhh.. the good old days. Never had a C64. Just a TRS-80 Model I. :)

Sorcerer said...


Kids making Typos in front of people.

Thanks for such a hilarious read..

When I tell my younger cousin about Floppy Disk and technological advancements he thinks Floppy Disk is a medical condition in humans.