Wednesday, March 27, 2013

They Walk Among Us!

Many people have long suspected aliens were slowly infiltrating Earth! So many people believe this that they even made the MIB movies!

One could reasonably propose that those movies were really an effort to defuse the whole concept of the existence of The MIB and therefore alien infiltration. If you bring it up now you are just silly! A brilliant ploy eh?  

Well I think I have proof that at least one species of alien life do walk among us! Those brilliant alien bastards even got unsuspecting humans to copy their camouflage technique as a fashion statement making it that much harder to spot the real enemy!

That is true brilliance people!  How can we defeat such high intellect?


So who is crazy now? Huh? Huh? 

Friday, March 15, 2013

It's Just So Yummy-ummy Girlfriend!

Here at work they accidentally stocked the coffee machine with “French Vanilla” coffee. (whatever the hell that is, vanilla don’t grow in France!)

Normally that is way too fru-fru for me! However, since I am an avowed caffeine junkie AND just way too cheap to buy my own coffee I have kept drinking it all week.  At first I hated it but now I am really appreciating all the subtle overtones in this blend. The soft woody overtones with the nutty after glow. There are just so many little flavors coming to the party! It really makes me feel warm and secure.

Suddenly I started having an opinion on “Dancing with the Stars”.

Then I started noticing how men dress and I find myself comparing their hairstyles and shoes to one an another. I am finding that occasionally guys with better clothes/hair/shoes make me angry! (Bastards!) 

Then last night instead of a shower I ran a bath. I have NEVER used the bathtub in my house before! I always shower. Then just as I started to get into the tub I got a sudden urge and broke out a couple of candles from my "ice storm" supply cache! 

As I sat soaking in the tub in the flickering candle light I wondered what was happening to me. Then I relaxed and let the warmth flow over me and forgot all about it. I slept soooo good last night!

Today, after one full work week of French Vanilla coffee, the guy who sits across from me has started bringing me coffee and smiling at me... a lot.

Should I be worried?

Sunday, March 10, 2013

People are so complicated.

True story! 

I was just in the company cafeteria nuking my lunch. I had some left over meat balls I brought from home. Even micro-waved they smelled AWESOME!  

So two ladies are standing nearby talking about how expensive the cafeteria food is and how they did not want to eat there. So being the helpful guy I am I just playfully said, well you ladies are welcome to some of my meatballs if you like.

 A bit of a snotty smirk and "No thanks" was the reply. 

I was wondering why the snotty reply as I took about three steps and I froze! It just hit me - I just committed sexual harassment at work!!! Holy shit! She was going to go to HR! Oh no. Do something!
So I turned back around, uncovered my dish and held it out so they could see and said "Just to be clear, I really do have meat balls." The one lady looked at me quizzically for a second then blushed then started laughing so hard she doubled over" 

Only then did I realize my  "clarification" only made it worse.  Gah

People are so complicated.