Monday, December 10, 2007

That Dog is Crazy!

I used to have a neighbor that had a crazy dog. I do mean crazy, like hallucinating insane crazy. It would stand out in the yard between our houses, start to growl and crouch, its hair would raise up on it’s back and then it would attack! There was no one out there! It would attack the air, it would attack a chain link fence, it would attack a tree or even a house! Seriously, I watched this dog growling and biting the neighbors HOUSE. This dog had serious issues. I mean it’s not every day you see a dog attacking a house!

It was not a very big dog though, less than knee high but seriously crazy!

So one day I had come home for lunch and as I went to leave I started to open my fence gate and there was Little Cujo lying across my sidewalk just outside my gate. Eeeep! He got out of his fenced in yard somehow. I stepped back, closed the gate and called the cops (smallish town).

The dispatcher was like, ”You are calling us because your neighbor’s dog is loose?”
“You don’t understand, this dog is crazy, if any kids come out to play he WILL bite them.”
I swear I could hear the dispatcher roll his eyes as he said he would send someone over.

In just a couple of minutes a cop pulled up out front. I was still standing inside the gate. This huge brawny cop gets out of the car and strolls over close to the gate, looks at the dog then looks at me and says, “I can not believe a big guy like you is scared of that little dog.”
“Officer, I know this dog and it’s NUTS. I have seen it attack a chain link fence before.”
“That little dog?”, with condescension dripping from his voice.
“Yes sir!”
OF COURSE, the stupid dog is setting there acting perfectly normal and looking like a normal cute and loving little doggie.
“Okaaay, I will call animal control.”
“Any idea how long they will take, I need to get back to work.”
Openly mocking me now he says in lilting baby talk way, “Well after I call Animal Control I will come back and protect you from the big bad doggie while you get in your car, OK?”
I really don’t see how he could protect me but all I can do at this point is try not to look like anymore of a total wimp than I already do so I say, “Ok.”

I used to feel bad for this dog, it clearly had issues, I don’t know if he was not breast fed or if his dad beat him in front of his friends or what but now I truly hate him for sitting there and acting so normal and lovable while this cop thinks I am just a total loser wimp.

The officer turns to go back to his car to call animal control and the instant he turns his back Little Cujo is like a master ninja assassin; silent and deadly little Cujo takes a few steps then lunges and gets the cop by the ankle from behind and starts shaking and growling and just really ripping into the cops ankle. It sounds like a dog fight!

The cop is jumping around on one foot and kicking but the dog has him from behind so he is really at a disadvantage. The cop pepper sprays little Cujo but even in pain the dog will not relent. His whimpers are mixed in with his growls as the pepper spray sets in but he keeps his grip!

The cop finally pulled his nightstick and whacked Little Cujo on the head a couple of times until he let go. Then the mace took over and Cujo Jr. laid there on the ground whimpering and rubbing his face with his paws.

The cop is standing there with his night stick in hand, ankle bleeding, his uniform pants are shredded and he is panting. He looks up at me with his eyes still a little wild from the mortal combat with Ninja Cujo and says to me, “That dog is crazy!”

My first instinct was to say, ”Yeah, no shit Sherlock!”, but an evil little imp whispered the perfect smart ass comeback into my ear. So with a little knot of fear in my belly for being a smart ass to a bleeding, adrenaline soaked cop, I slowly shook my head, put on a dead pan expression and in my best good old boy Texan drawl I said, “Well, hell partner, I just can’t believe a big ‘ol man like you let that itty bitty dog mess you up like that.”

I was able to hold it in for about a three count before we both burst out laughing!


Tanya said...

Haha, its a great thing the cop must have had a sense of humor. I can't believe the dog attacked a house. Thats pretty crazy.

Sauntering Soul said...

Great story!

I guess this means I have to stop laughing at my cat when she attacks the occasional leaf that comes in on the bottom of my shoe. She's never attacked a house or a cop before.

Melissa said...

Yikes, aren't you glad it was the cops ankle and not yours...

Smitty76 said...

Okay, I'm ashamed to admit I have a "crazy dog"...but she is only crazy SOMETIMES...and I can read her body language and know when her crazy fits are gonna come on so I clear the room (from this 18 lb. terror!!). LOL This was a funny story!

Manic Mom said...

WHy does your profile say you're in Illinois now? You're not stalking me are you?

Anonymous said...

Small yappy dogs are sooo annoying.

Southern accents do come in handy.

Crazymamaof6 said...

that made me giggle thanks for the laugh! and aren't you glad the dog attacked the cop? serves him right for mocking you and your smart thinking.

Kat said...

Hehe, great laugh, even better reply. I hate small dogs. That's not to say there's no crazy big dogs.

Rob said...

Tanya - Yeah I was glad the cop had a sense of humor! Like I said I had a lump in my stomach smarting off to a cop like that but the line was just tooo good, I HAD too! I was so glad when he laughed too!

Sauntering - Ah, but your cat never attacked in anger! Since your kitty is playing it is funny!

Melissa - That is exactly why *I* stayed inside the fence!

Smitty - I wonder if your terrier was traumatized as a child? Did it see it’s parents having sex or something?

Manic - Oooops - You caught me already huh? You might want to read This Post

Kris - there is a time and place for everything! Being a smart ass is a perfect time for a southern drawl! :)

Crazy Momma - yeah, the way the dog took after the cop does make me think of Karma! There is a balance to the universe!

Kat - I just could not resist!

Andie said...

stop talking about my dog!!!

(just kidding) my dog is an angel. he only acts crazy when provoked. LOL

my dog is a little dog that someone would think is "yappy" but he's actually a little tough guy. he actually runs up to people when he sees strangers and wants to play with them. LOL

Stephanie said...

That is hilarious. Reminds me of this little dog down the street that used to always try to attack me. My dad would always make fun of me because it was sweet as pie to him and cujo to me.

Rob said...

Andie - Yeah, I have had some "guard" dogs like that too!

Stephanie - So just what do you do to Cujo!? Kidding! Sorry that you had to share my pain of being doubted about a psycho dog!

Anonymous said...