I found out my first winter in Illinois that SUV or no the Escape is just about worthless in snow. The low rolling resistance tires don't grip well plus Ford stripped a lot of weight out it to increase MPG so it tends to slide up on top of snow then the tires leave the ground and you are high centered. Ugly!
On the way to work I stopped at a fast food joint for chow. When they handed me my soda I realized my cup holder was full of clevis pins and other hardware from my last project. So I set my drink up on the dash and got all the crap out of my drink holders.
Somehow when I reached for my drink it slid off the dash towards me. In a feat of athletic prowess I dont even understand let alone ever be able to repeat my left hand had shot through the gap in the steering wheel and caught my coke in mid air BUT upside down, HOWEVER my right had gone under the wheel and had firmly clamped the flimsy plastic lid on with that hand. It was a stunning display of lighting reflexes and kinetic perfection that I take no credit for whatsoever! I have no idea how I did it, clearly, God, angels, the Mother earth gaia, whatever, HAD to be watching out for me and protecting me this morning.
Meanwhile the cup is still upside down and a few drops were coming out of the straw hole but overall a major disaster had been averted. Now all I had to do was turn the cup back up right. With my hands kinda tangled up in the wheel it was a bit of a challenge but I did it. Now the cup is upright and one hand is still clamping the lid on.
Whew! I did it! I realx! I can't beleive how well this all worked out! Man!
So I took my hand off the lid and FOOM! That shook up soda blew the lid off and made a nice pretty Roman fountain of brown soda. Which just goes to show you that whoever it was I *thought* was protecting me this morning was just setting me up for a fall after I relaxed! It was probably the Mother Earth Gaia, the bitch! If I ever find out for sure it was her I will open a strip mine and show HER a thing or two! :)
So it was cold outside and now my lap is soaked in ice cold coke.
One of my fathers favorite insult terms was numb nuts, he must have called me that a thousand times during my teen years. This morning I lived up to it!
Look out MCD, I am looking for a shady lawyer (sorry for the redundancy) right now and I WILL be seeing you in court! It does not matter if it was my fault or not, just ask any American judge! Numb nuts ought to be worth a million or so in pain and suffering- right?
1 comment:
We hear 'numb nuts' around our house too. Funny story. I would totally sue someone.
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