Monday, March 23, 2009

Oh Dear Lord!

Kill me now, I have now seen everything and can go in peace! I just saw a sign advertising "Pet Massage"! In-home pet massage no less! I mean who can be bothered to take their pet to the pet massage studio? Only in-home will do!

Wow! I would really love to meet the loon that actually pays someone else to massage their pets! I'll bet I could really sell them some stuff. Maybe some credit card bingo where they read their credit card numbers to me then I tell them if they won or not. Then followed up by a game of hangman where their mothers maiden name is the secret word.

In-home pet massage!? What's next, doggie hookers? Oh wait, they already do have 'stud service'! Eeep!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Random Weird Observations

Yesterday I was at Wal-mart and I had a weird moment- there was a young man (early 20’s) who was CLEARLY very fit doing his shopping in one of those little electric scooters Wal-Mart provides for the elderly. Even though it was a WTF moment it really made me feel better about myself. I mean I get lazy and procrastinate on housework or yard work or going to the gym and I feel bad about it but WOW, at least I am not too lazy walk when I buy food!

Another Burger King post- seems like every time I go there it’s a weird moment. I got some breakfast there this morning on the way to work. I ordered milk. The drive through person asked if I wanted white milk or chocolate milk? That struck me as weird. Who does NOT say chocolate milk when they want Chocolate milk? Plus “white” milk struck me as an very odd word choice. I don’t think I have ever heard plain milk called white milk before. I mean do they have yellow milk or blue milk? We really need to nail it down that I, in fact, want the white variety of milk?

White milk. So does the fact I don’t care much for chocolate milk make me a racist?

Oh God! Now I know why I love Fruity Pebbles but don’t care much for Cocoa Pebbles! (or Cocoa Puffs). I guess like the all the celebrities I need to check into rehab to deal with my preference for "white" milk.

Wow. The things we learn about ourselves while visiting Burger King.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

New Gameshow!

It's America's most exciting new game show! "Count the Illegal Aliens!" In this weeks episode we will count the illegals after a potentially life ending major felony! So go ahead and join the fun America!

The one who comes closest to the actual number of illegals without going over wins! Sounds easy right? So click the button and try your luck!

So how many did you get?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Sleeping on the Plane

This last trip home I actually fell asleep on the plane.

This is a big deal because I often don't sleep well and very rarely can I sleep during the day at all and I just never fall asleep on airplanes.

I was taking the old Southwest home reading my Popular Science en route as usual. My eyes were burning while I was reading so I shut them for a minute and BOOM! The next thing I know it's an hour later and the flight attendant is waking me up asking me to put my seat up for landing.

Wow. That has never happened before so it was very weird.

I felt very refreshed for the rest of the day so that was part was very cool but I am not sure I am ready to start sleeping in public on a regular basis. I mean a little drool on your pillow is not too big a deal but unless you are a baby, having drooly chin in front of 150 people is just not very suave.

Friday, March 6, 2009

How Do You Want It?

An interesting thing about men you may or may not have noticed is we don't change our hairstyle very often. I have had my current 'do' about 15 years now. The biggest change then was I moved the part from the center to the side. {gasp}

So with this in mind every time I get a haircut I am still surprised every single time they ask me, "How do you want it?" Then I have to go through the little litany I have learned a little at a time over the years... "Scissor cut, layered, just over the ears, duck tailed"

My inner sarcamist really wants to roll my eyes and say, "Just like it is now but a little shorter - duh!" but my inner analyst knows this is the most certain way to not get what I have now so I go through the little litany.