As we know "Celebrity Watch" is not my thing here so I'll keep this very short and to the point...
For a week now I have been hearing "I Will Always Love You". GAH! NO mos por favor, no mos! Uh HELLO "Journalists", Whitney actually did more than one song and in my opinion that is not her best. In fact it makes me think of Tarzan! AhhhhhAHHHHHahhhhAHHHHH. Where Cheetah Jane?
On the other hand I simply can not listen to "I wanna dance with Somebody" and NOT start moving.
Shut up about Bobby Brown already. Whitney can kill herself alllll by herself like a BIG girl!
'Nuff said
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I HAVE THE POWER!
My wallet was stolen last November. The credit cards were replaced within 10 days.
Ironically I had to wait for a credit card to be re-issued so I could use it on the website to pay the fee for a duplicate licence. :)
So I hit the Texas "Department of Public Safety" (State Police) website again and ran through the process again looking hard for the "confirm: or the "are you really, really, REALLY sure" button and I am pretty sure I got it right this time.
So along comes January and still no licence (several blog posts detailing many Christmas travel adventures with no valid ID will be written, this I SWEAR!) So I get online again and I get a big red box saying call this phone number. Well it turns out I have been flagged for trying to get two drivers licences online and now I have to come in person to get it.
No problem, I moved home over Christmas so a in situ meeting is not the issue it would have been in Nov. or Dec. So I head on over.
The line stretches out the door into the parking lot. thank goodness it was a nice Texas day, in Illinois this line could be deadly (literally). When my spot in line gets to the door I see this GEM of government think....
Only after vomiting off the edge of the sidewalk do I begin to regain contact with reality and as my super-ego reconnects with the wet ware I catch myself mumbling "we all live... in.. a..yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine". Whoa!
Silence.
In exasperation at the prospect of another day in line I simply say "FUCK!" and turn to walk away.
In that snotty tone only a public facing civil "servant" can use she ordered me to "watch my language"
"No ma'am! I still live in this funny place called America and I actually have the right to be rude and crude. So FUCK!!"
I'm not proud but it needed to be said... much like lancing a boil. It ain't pretty but it's utterly necessary.
OK! Irony tiiiiiiiiiiiime! Are you ready? 'cause this here is the kicker!
If I had not double submitted on the DPS (State Police) website I would have had my licence without showing my SOCIAL SECURITY CARD! Ponder on that a bit people! Let that sink in.......Yeah, I know right!?
So yesterday when I posted a much shorter and less humorous version of this rant on facebook I closed with "Rick Perry has been Governor of this state for 12 years, if this is the best our state agencies can do after 12 years of his "leadership" then he has no business being president"
Today he withdrew from the race! CNN Story Here.
I am still waiting for a new a drivers licence. I was in Illinois then. I got online and sure enough I could get a duplicate issued and mailed ONLY to my home from the website. Makes sense and no problem-o because then my son could send it to me up north.
Ironically I had to wait for a credit card to be re-issued so I could use it on the website to pay the fee for a duplicate licence. :)
So in December I still don't have a licence so I check my credit card statement and the modest payment to the state of Texas never hit so I assumed I somehow or another did not complete the website correctly. You know some silly like not hitting the confirm button AFTER hitting the submit button. (Being a UNIX guy the plebeian "Are you sure?" thing of the GUI baby universe often throws me off! ;) )
So along comes January and still no licence (several blog posts detailing many Christmas travel adventures with no valid ID will be written, this I SWEAR!) So I get online again and I get a big red box saying call this phone number. Well it turns out I have been flagged for trying to get two drivers licences online and now I have to come in person to get it.
No problem, I moved home over Christmas so a in situ meeting is not the issue it would have been in Nov. or Dec. So I head on over.
The line stretches out the door into the parking lot. thank goodness it was a nice Texas day, in Illinois this line could be deadly (literally). When my spot in line gets to the door I see this GEM of government think....
 |
| A tough call; laugh or cry? I chose hysterical cackling followed by sobbing in the shower when I got home. |
At first I thought I could have made an appointment and not stood in line? Damn! THEN the stunning reality, the full soul crushing weight of the sign sinks in fully.... Even when you have an appointment you STILL have to stand in this line before your appointment will be "honored".
As a man who thrives on efficiency I begin to shiver, then giggle then drool while still giggling. As a defense mechanism from such madness my mind detaches and floats away into a safer happier place. Why my mind chose to "vacation" in an old vision of the LSD inspired movie "Yellow Submarine" I may never fully understand. (Click play on the song below and keep reading, its a great sound track for the surreal tale to follow)
Only after vomiting off the edge of the sidewalk do I begin to regain contact with reality and as my super-ego reconnects with the wet ware I catch myself mumbling "we all live... in.. a..yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine". Whoa!
I was getting many dirty looks from my fellow line inmates for vomiting but as I wiped my mouth I simply stated, "You did not think I was going to give up my place in line for that did you?"
The dirty looks become glares.
Never one to back down in the face of reason I just growl, "You folks just better pray I don't have to poo before this is over"
No more eye contact is made with me. I have firmly establish my alpha-ness over this line herd!
Anyway, I eventually work my way up the head of the line.
Sidebar... Back in the 90's I fell in hate with our Governor here at the time, you may have heard of him. George W Bush. He signed a law requiring all Texans to give their thumbprints like convicted criminals in order to receive a drivers licences. The Prints are digitally encoded onto a magnetic strip on the back of the licence so they can swipe you license and make sure you and the licence match.
Hi big brudder! Wanna play some catch? I realize I have these old fashioned ideas about the Constitution and right to privacy and such so I was outraged. Me and perhaps four others (by my count)
Back to the present story... deep in the belly of the beast.... I reach the lady with the computer! "Ok sir, lost licence, no problem, I just need your social security card?"
"Ooooo, I don't have it on me."
"I am sorry sir, you will have to get it, we need it to identify you"
"OH!", tapping my side of her computer monitor, "You have my picture right here don't you"?
"I am sorry sir, I will need your social security card to identify you."
Pointing at the thumbprint reader "Uh, you have my thumbprints in that system there and here is a reader, you can't match that? After all that is why fearless leader Bush made us submit them right?" (sadly noting there can actually be benefits to evil which is why I suppose so many sheep accept it)
"Sir, I have to have your Social Security card to identify you."
"Do you know how easy it is to fake one of those? Do you know how long I stood in this line? Whereas the data you have in this computer is secure and I don't have to stand in line again"
"Sir, I have to have your Social Security card to identify you"
"So you are saying that if I was a mass murderer and the state police (you!) arrested me right now I would be executed as John Doe because I don't have a social Security card?
Silence.
In exasperation at the prospect of another day in line I simply say "FUCK!" and turn to walk away.
In that snotty tone only a public facing civil "servant" can use she ordered me to "watch my language"
"No ma'am! I still live in this funny place called America and I actually have the right to be rude and crude. So FUCK!!"
I'm not proud but it needed to be said... much like lancing a boil. It ain't pretty but it's utterly necessary.
OK! Irony tiiiiiiiiiiiime! Are you ready? 'cause this here is the kicker!
If I had not double submitted on the DPS (State Police) website I would have had my licence without showing my SOCIAL SECURITY CARD! Ponder on that a bit people! Let that sink in.......Yeah, I know right!?
So yesterday when I posted a much shorter and less humorous version of this rant on facebook I closed with "Rick Perry has been Governor of this state for 12 years, if this is the best our state agencies can do after 12 years of his "leadership" then he has no business being president"
Today he withdrew from the race! CNN Story Here.
BWUH HA HA HA! Can you feel my power young jedi's? I did not know I had it either but you people better start being nicer to me.
{waving three fingers....} "Its very warm in here ma'am; You want to remove your top..."
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Convenience stores are NOT convenient!
It took me a while to figure this out.
You have one maybe two cashiers covering 20 gas pumps plus the shoppers. So there is always a long ass line and the cashiers are always slow as molasses.
Then there is always at least one idiot who has to think up his lottery numbers on the spot. uh, 1.......uh......uh......12....and uh........ well.....uh 24... GAH!
So no more "convienence" stores for me. No more living the lie!
You have one maybe two cashiers covering 20 gas pumps plus the shoppers. So there is always a long ass line and the cashiers are always slow as molasses.
Then there is always at least one idiot who has to think up his lottery numbers on the spot. uh, 1.......uh......uh......12....and uh........ well.....uh 24... GAH!
So no more "convienence" stores for me. No more living the lie!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Can you smell it?
The smell of genuine Redneck Brand Testosterone hanging thick and heavy in the humid heat of central Illinois?
Are you sure? It's pretty potent.
I remember when I was a kid, bicycles were pretty manly. I mean there was nothing misogynistic about it but they used to sell bicycles guys would like AND they sold bicycles that girls would like.Completely unlike the androgynous bicycle wasteland we live in now. Back then girls would put their stuffed animals in the wicker basket and boys would build ramps and jump over things and break bones like boys are supposed to do.
Look at this marvel of manliness from my childhood...
Note the springer front end, the seat mounted on shock absorbers, the big phallic gear shift. Note the manly DRUM brake on the front wheel! No little sissy ass pencil erasers squeezing your wheel rim, no we actually had brakes back then! (I realize modern riders probably don't believe me but back in the day we ROUTINELY laid skid marks with our brakes that actually worked! No! Really!)
Then something happened and bicycles started to get all sissy like. In my opinion it started off with forcing kids to wear pads to ride their bikes. OH no! My precious baby-darling might get a scrape. OH the mental anguish of it all. {geesh!}
Then god forbid, men, already feminised with pads in their formative years, started wearing spandex pants and Styrofoam helmets. (spandex is like bikini bottoms, Totally awesome on the lovely sex, traumatizing to children of all ages on males!)
Manly bike helmet is an oxymoron. Then add spandex pants and you are talking a prison inmates dream date now!
Sorry I drifted, we were talking about testosterone right? Aha, here is the source of that lovely aroma!
MMMMMMMmmmmm good! Oh now THAT is a manly man's bike! Yeah baby! If you click the picture and zoom in its clear this is a home made job. Note the strategic use of electrical tape holding the coil to the frame and keeping the loose wires out of the way.
Looking at this picture just makes me feel good to live in a world where not EVERYONE has been feminized yet. There are still one or two free range men men scrabbling about. Thank God.
This is my kind of creative redneck folks.... and I'll betcha a dollar he does not wear knee pads!
Are you sure? It's pretty potent.
I remember when I was a kid, bicycles were pretty manly. I mean there was nothing misogynistic about it but they used to sell bicycles guys would like AND they sold bicycles that girls would like.Completely unlike the androgynous bicycle wasteland we live in now. Back then girls would put their stuffed animals in the wicker basket and boys would build ramps and jump over things and break bones like boys are supposed to do.
Look at this marvel of manliness from my childhood...
 |
| Oh Yeah, that is the shit buddy! |
Then something happened and bicycles started to get all sissy like. In my opinion it started off with forcing kids to wear pads to ride their bikes. OH no! My precious baby-darling might get a scrape. OH the mental anguish of it all. {geesh!}
Then god forbid, men, already feminised with pads in their formative years, started wearing spandex pants and Styrofoam helmets. (spandex is like bikini bottoms, Totally awesome on the lovely sex, traumatizing to children of all ages on males!)
Manly bike helmet is an oxymoron. Then add spandex pants and you are talking a prison inmates dream date now!
Sorry I drifted, we were talking about testosterone right? Aha, here is the source of that lovely aroma!
 |
| Man Bike - Who needs testosterone supplements? Here ya go, pure Redneck Brand Testosterone. It's the hairiest! |
Looking at this picture just makes me feel good to live in a world where not EVERYONE has been feminized yet. There are still one or two free range men men scrabbling about. Thank God.
This is my kind of creative redneck folks.... and I'll betcha a dollar he does not wear knee pads!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A Northerner thing?
When I'm Springfield I stay in what for all intents and purposes is a Corporate apartment with multiple users.
That kind of life is generally a short term deal but I have been staying here with Erika off and on (mostly on) for the better part of 5 years now. Since I have been steady we have had about 12-13 "room mates" over the years who have come to Springfield for short term stays..
Three of them have been from Chicago.
Two of that three have had this "thing" about keeping the bathroom door shut all the time.
So I waswhining commenting to Erika, what is this bizarre thing? I have never heard of it. Toilet seat wars sure. Bathroom door closed? I've never heard of this.
Erika replies that she has heard of it, Perhaps it is a "hide the room where "dirty" things happen" thing?
Jules you out there? Is this a "Chicago thing"?
Either way this concept just hurts my head.
What is this a 50's sit com where the "impure" potty room does not exist and the married couple sleep in twin beds separated by a censor appointed minimum of 2 feet 7.5 inches?
I like to believe I am a creature of logic and reason so:
1) When you take a shower the bathroom gets very humid. If you keep the door shut and don't allow fresh air circulation, your wall paper/paint will be damaged over time and even worse you will probably end up with mold and mildew; With both smells bad and can be a health hazard.
2) I realize the base realities of life may be "TMI" for some weak minded people but for you mature people out there lets face it, we do things in there that don't always smell nice. Again, some basic air circulation cures that little problem. I don't want to smell what happened in there yesterday!
Both of these really apply this time of year when the weather is too nice to run the heat OR air conditioning.
3) And this one is BIG. If the door is shut how do you know weather someone is in there or not? What? You are supposed to knock on the the door every single time you use it? Really? In what bizarre parallel universe does this make sense?
I went to use the bathroom the other night, the light is on and the door is shut. Normally a clear sign of "ocupado" but I can't tell anymore so I knock on the door... yep, our Chicagoan is in there.
I do gotta go but it's not "epic" yet. So I go putter in the kitchen, fix a snack, chat with Erika. Every couple of minutes I lean back, look down the hall and and check the bathroom door. Light on, door closed. After a while hydraulic pressure is starting to build. I start doing the doing the pee pee dance. I walk back that way to put something in my room and notice the Chicagoan's bedroom door was open before but now it's closed.
Oh no!
So I knock on the bathroom door. Yeah its empty and who knows how long I been hopping foot to foot while it was empty. Grrrrrr.
Ok, so I gave three solid logical reasons NOT to close the door when not in use. Can anyone give me ONE logical reason to shut it?
Thank you for listening, thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the Day.
ps. Don't get me wrong he is nice guy and there is ALWAYS going to be a little friction where ever moving people are involved. This is a minor thing - BUT blogworthy, no?
That kind of life is generally a short term deal but I have been staying here with Erika off and on (mostly on) for the better part of 5 years now. Since I have been steady we have had about 12-13 "room mates" over the years who have come to Springfield for short term stays..
Three of them have been from Chicago.
Two of that three have had this "thing" about keeping the bathroom door shut all the time.
So I was
Erika replies that she has heard of it, Perhaps it is a "hide the room where "dirty" things happen" thing?
Jules you out there? Is this a "Chicago thing"?
Either way this concept just hurts my head.
What is this a 50's sit com where the "impure" potty room does not exist and the married couple sleep in twin beds separated by a censor appointed minimum of 2 feet 7.5 inches?
I like to believe I am a creature of logic and reason so:
1) When you take a shower the bathroom gets very humid. If you keep the door shut and don't allow fresh air circulation, your wall paper/paint will be damaged over time and even worse you will probably end up with mold and mildew; With both smells bad and can be a health hazard.
2) I realize the base realities of life may be "TMI" for some weak minded people but for you mature people out there lets face it, we do things in there that don't always smell nice. Again, some basic air circulation cures that little problem. I don't want to smell what happened in there yesterday!
Both of these really apply this time of year when the weather is too nice to run the heat OR air conditioning.
3) And this one is BIG. If the door is shut how do you know weather someone is in there or not? What? You are supposed to knock on the the door every single time you use it? Really? In what bizarre parallel universe does this make sense?
I went to use the bathroom the other night, the light is on and the door is shut. Normally a clear sign of "ocupado" but I can't tell anymore so I knock on the door... yep, our Chicagoan is in there.
I do gotta go but it's not "epic" yet. So I go putter in the kitchen, fix a snack, chat with Erika. Every couple of minutes I lean back, look down the hall and and check the bathroom door. Light on, door closed. After a while hydraulic pressure is starting to build. I start doing the doing the pee pee dance. I walk back that way to put something in my room and notice the Chicagoan's bedroom door was open before but now it's closed.
Oh no!
So I knock on the bathroom door. Yeah its empty and who knows how long I been hopping foot to foot while it was empty. Grrrrrr.
Ok, so I gave three solid logical reasons NOT to close the door when not in use. Can anyone give me ONE logical reason to shut it?
Thank you for listening, thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the Day.
ps. Don't get me wrong he is nice guy and there is ALWAYS going to be a little friction where ever moving people are involved. This is a minor thing - BUT blogworthy, no?
Monday, May 23, 2011
It's not just a T shirt.
I have been having writers block on any kind of funny story for a week or so now. So I am going to do something rare and be serious here today.
Run while you can. Its never pretty when I get serious.
I am a slooooooooooooow learner. I also have the curse of empathy. I can feel others pain. Damn it.
Back in the late 80's I lived in Little Rock Arkansas. I don't know how much has changed since then but at that time Arkansas had three things going for it. It was a state of natural beauty, it was the most overtly racist place I ever lived (I could write a slew of depressing posts on that topic alone) and like racism wife beating was common and socially acceptable
I volunteered at a battered women's shelter in Little Rock for a little while. After the fourth time I watched a lovely intelligent women come in battered and bloody then GO HOME with the sick sumbish a few days later (He has changed now!) I really could not take it anymore. I simply am not tough enough. That stupid empathy thing.
Fast forward a few years.
A nice young couple moved in next door. They had been there about a month or so when on a Saturday night I was sitting on my porch drinking a beer. Their kitchen curtains were open about 3 or 4 inches and a fast movement past the curtain caught my eye. He had her by her long hair pulling it back and down to turn her face upward making it much easier to smack around.
I am not a violent man (I'm sticking to that story too) and this guy was ten years younger than me and in far better physical shape. Logic was in no way involved though. I was seeing though this small red tunnel filled with floating white dots as I bashed in through his front door. At that point he had her by the throat but he audaciously yells at me "What they fuck do you think you're doing?"
As I strode purposefully across the front room to the kitchen I did not answer out loud but I was thinking "About to get my ass kicked by a much younger stronger guy!"
I guess something about my demeanor tipped him off though because suddenly he let go of her, dropped to the floor, curled up into a fetal position and started begging me not to hurt him. I do not mean laid down, I mean he DROPPED to the floor. I had been bracing to get my ass kicked so I was taken aback just a bit.
The words of my hero/philosopher Robert A. Heinlein popped into my head at that moment- "Bullies do not want to fight, they just want to hurt people." Ah that explains his behavior but sadly that sword cuts both ways. At that moment I was a bully because all I wanted to do was hurt him. What have I become? All my fury for the bastard evaporated once I realized what a worthless little chicken shit he really was cowering and begging on the floor. Well for a few milliseconds. Then I looked up at her bloody face and then I was on the floor too whaling on his crying curled up ass. Wish I could say I regret my loss of control but beating a wife beater feels good. Feels damn good.
Guess who grabbed my arms and begged me to stop? I'll never forget those words "STOP! Your hurting him!"
It was the women's shelter all over again.
I stopped for her but I made him grab some clothes and leave. He tried to come back a few times but as soon as he pulled in his drive way the tunnel vision would return and out my door I would charge. Then he would rapidly back out of the drive way. After a week or two of this I started to think "Maybe, just maybe I can save just this one."
Ah self delusion is so important!
She moved out so she could be with him again. She was nice enough though to stop by my house while the movers were loading up to let me know that she could not stand to live next door to me anymore what with my interfering with her life and oh, yeah, she *hated* me for the damage I did to her relationship.
How sweet of her.
Fast forward a few years.
My littlest sister married one of these bastards.
That is all I have to say about that.
Fast forward a few years to a month ago...
Remember my story "Tall Tales"- Read the first 5 paragraphs again.
As I said in the story I made several friends that night including the attractive blond showing off her scars and her husband. I have spent several evenings at their house since.
I had uneasy feelings though and stopped going over there.
The last two Saturday nights in a row. I have been awakened by the girl with the scars asking for help. At least she is smart enough to run out of the house mid beating. Then she calls me and like the slow learning dumb ass I am I crawl out of a warm comfy bed to get her and take her someplace safe and listen to her woes.
Both times she is back with him within 24 hours.
So how many decades does it take a nerdy redneck to learn? ">= 4"
The tough question is what am I gonna do next time? I tell myself I won't even answer the damned phone and just go back to sleep.
But I know I won't.
Self delusion is so important though.
Speaking of which- why the fuck do these women go back to their abusers? My mom did things to me until I grew up enough that I was physically strong enough to stop her. When I was 16 I joined the Air Force and got away from her and never, EVER went back.
When I went to her funeral my relatives kept saying to me "My god, you are so strong! How can you not cry at your own mothers funeral" I would just stare at them. They were there. Ya know when I "fell" through the glass coffee table or when I ran into that door and got all those stitches in the side of my head. The question is why would I cry at her funeral. But I guess it's hard to believe your sister/wife/aunt/niece is a monster so you wonder aloud what is wrong with ME not to cry at her funeral.
Self delusion is so important.
But no, I'm not bitter, why do you ask? :)
Thanks for letting me blitch tho. Wish I could say I felt better now. 26 hours of sleep did not help either. I had a bout of hysterical laughter going last night. That might of helped but apparently hysterical laughter is disturbing to the roommates. Go figure. My bad.
Damned Empathy!
Ok, I will try to be funny (well as close as I get to it anyway) again soon.
Run while you can. Its never pretty when I get serious.
I am a slooooooooooooow learner. I also have the curse of empathy. I can feel others pain. Damn it.
Back in the late 80's I lived in Little Rock Arkansas. I don't know how much has changed since then but at that time Arkansas had three things going for it. It was a state of natural beauty, it was the most overtly racist place I ever lived (I could write a slew of depressing posts on that topic alone) and like racism wife beating was common and socially acceptable
I volunteered at a battered women's shelter in Little Rock for a little while. After the fourth time I watched a lovely intelligent women come in battered and bloody then GO HOME with the sick sumbish a few days later (He has changed now!) I really could not take it anymore. I simply am not tough enough. That stupid empathy thing.
Fast forward a few years.
A nice young couple moved in next door. They had been there about a month or so when on a Saturday night I was sitting on my porch drinking a beer. Their kitchen curtains were open about 3 or 4 inches and a fast movement past the curtain caught my eye. He had her by her long hair pulling it back and down to turn her face upward making it much easier to smack around.
I am not a violent man (I'm sticking to that story too) and this guy was ten years younger than me and in far better physical shape. Logic was in no way involved though. I was seeing though this small red tunnel filled with floating white dots as I bashed in through his front door. At that point he had her by the throat but he audaciously yells at me "What they fuck do you think you're doing?"
As I strode purposefully across the front room to the kitchen I did not answer out loud but I was thinking "About to get my ass kicked by a much younger stronger guy!"
I guess something about my demeanor tipped him off though because suddenly he let go of her, dropped to the floor, curled up into a fetal position and started begging me not to hurt him. I do not mean laid down, I mean he DROPPED to the floor. I had been bracing to get my ass kicked so I was taken aback just a bit.
The words of my hero/philosopher Robert A. Heinlein popped into my head at that moment- "Bullies do not want to fight, they just want to hurt people." Ah that explains his behavior but sadly that sword cuts both ways. At that moment I was a bully because all I wanted to do was hurt him. What have I become? All my fury for the bastard evaporated once I realized what a worthless little chicken shit he really was cowering and begging on the floor. Well for a few milliseconds. Then I looked up at her bloody face and then I was on the floor too whaling on his crying curled up ass. Wish I could say I regret my loss of control but beating a wife beater feels good. Feels damn good.
Guess who grabbed my arms and begged me to stop? I'll never forget those words "STOP! Your hurting him!"
It was the women's shelter all over again.
I stopped for her but I made him grab some clothes and leave. He tried to come back a few times but as soon as he pulled in his drive way the tunnel vision would return and out my door I would charge. Then he would rapidly back out of the drive way. After a week or two of this I started to think "Maybe, just maybe I can save just this one."
Ah self delusion is so important!
She moved out so she could be with him again. She was nice enough though to stop by my house while the movers were loading up to let me know that she could not stand to live next door to me anymore what with my interfering with her life and oh, yeah, she *hated* me for the damage I did to her relationship.
How sweet of her.
Fast forward a few years.
My littlest sister married one of these bastards.
That is all I have to say about that.
Fast forward a few years to a month ago...
Remember my story "Tall Tales"- Read the first 5 paragraphs again.
As I said in the story I made several friends that night including the attractive blond showing off her scars and her husband. I have spent several evenings at their house since.
I had uneasy feelings though and stopped going over there.
The last two Saturday nights in a row. I have been awakened by the girl with the scars asking for help. At least she is smart enough to run out of the house mid beating. Then she calls me and like the slow learning dumb ass I am I crawl out of a warm comfy bed to get her and take her someplace safe and listen to her woes.
Both times she is back with him within 24 hours.
So how many decades does it take a nerdy redneck to learn? ">= 4"
The tough question is what am I gonna do next time? I tell myself I won't even answer the damned phone and just go back to sleep.
But I know I won't.
Self delusion is so important though.
Speaking of which- why the fuck do these women go back to their abusers? My mom did things to me until I grew up enough that I was physically strong enough to stop her. When I was 16 I joined the Air Force and got away from her and never, EVER went back.
When I went to her funeral my relatives kept saying to me "My god, you are so strong! How can you not cry at your own mothers funeral" I would just stare at them. They were there. Ya know when I "fell" through the glass coffee table or when I ran into that door and got all those stitches in the side of my head. The question is why would I cry at her funeral. But I guess it's hard to believe your sister/wife/aunt/niece is a monster so you wonder aloud what is wrong with ME not to cry at her funeral.
Self delusion is so important.
But no, I'm not bitter, why do you ask? :)
Thanks for letting me blitch tho. Wish I could say I felt better now. 26 hours of sleep did not help either. I had a bout of hysterical laughter going last night. That might of helped but apparently hysterical laughter is disturbing to the roommates. Go figure. My bad.
Damned Empathy!
Ok, I will try to be funny (well as close as I get to it anyway) again soon.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Vegans
I was reading an article about vegans this morning. Interesting stuff. As you all know I *love* word origins and it turns out vegan is an old American Indian word meaning "Very shitty hunter".
I just love how some languages can say so much with one word!
You know, it makes me wonder though if vegans have sex? I mean there is the whole aspect of do they have the stamina for it but I mean even philosophically are they allowed to have sex? Milking a cow does not hurt the cow it a bit. In fact, they need to be milked or utter destruction could occur (ar!) Yet vegans are not allowed to drink milk.
Rules out oral for sure!
So in the same vein, er, train of thought, are male vegans even allowed to ejaculate? that sure seems like Sperm Murder to me!
Neanderthal bastards! Somebody throw some red paint on the sperm murdering bastards!
BABY KILLERS!
I just love how some languages can say so much with one word!
You know, it makes me wonder though if vegans have sex? I mean there is the whole aspect of do they have the stamina for it but I mean even philosophically are they allowed to have sex? Milking a cow does not hurt the cow it a bit. In fact, they need to be milked or utter destruction could occur (ar!) Yet vegans are not allowed to drink milk.
Rules out oral for sure!
So in the same vein, er, train of thought, are male vegans even allowed to ejaculate? that sure seems like Sperm Murder to me!
Neanderthal bastards! Somebody throw some red paint on the sperm murdering bastards!
BABY KILLERS!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sea Salt
So what the deal with sea salt grinders? Now pepper grinders I get. You release aromatics when you grind a peppercorn and you get more flavor. I don't think that applies to salt.
Now Erika has a couple of salt grinder that I like just 'cause they are mechanically cool. Plus when I am not in the mood to grind my own I can just use a real salt shaker!
So what has me whining about this is that now restaurants are starting to jump onto this faddish band wagon...
I go to a restaurant and pay 20 bucks to eat and I have to grind my own freaking salt? What did we just jump back in time 200 years. "Pa, why don you head on down to da salt lick wit a hammer and a bucket?"
Don't they have machines to do this shit?
At least put a real salt shaker on the table for those of us who don't have time for all the latest fads.
By gard, pre-ground salt was gud nuff fer me pappy and it's damn sho good nuff fo me!
Next time I eat at one of these place that makes me grind my own salt I am going to attach an invoice for my time spent grinding .0002 cents worth of salt to the bill and deduct it from my total.
Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day!
(Get off my yard you little bastards!)
Now Erika has a couple of salt grinder that I like just 'cause they are mechanically cool. Plus when I am not in the mood to grind my own I can just use a real salt shaker!
So what has me whining about this is that now restaurants are starting to jump onto this faddish band wagon...I go to a restaurant and pay 20 bucks to eat and I have to grind my own freaking salt? What did we just jump back in time 200 years. "Pa, why don you head on down to da salt lick wit a hammer and a bucket?"
Don't they have machines to do this shit?
At least put a real salt shaker on the table for those of us who don't have time for all the latest fads.
By gard, pre-ground salt was gud nuff fer me pappy and it's damn sho good nuff fo me!
Next time I eat at one of these place that makes me grind my own salt I am going to attach an invoice for my time spent grinding .0002 cents worth of salt to the bill and deduct it from my total.
Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day!
(Get off my yard you little bastards!)
Monday, January 10, 2011
How I hate Micheal Bay...
Seriously I don't know how this guy keeps getting work. Well I take that back, "Transformers" saved his career and yet the two transformers movies (so far) are pretty indicative of why he sucks so much.
You know movies/stories are supposed to manipulate your emotions to some degree but when done by a true artist you are never even aware you are being manipulated. Micheal Bay uses a sledgehammer and even puts a sign on the screen that says "Emotional manipulation technique 3A commencing NOW!" Then you are just setting there rolling your eyes going, "Really?"
In his film school efforts to manipulate our emotions he just WONT STOP! Action sequences are just waaay too long and just way too many things happen (that each last tool long). Eg In Armageddon it just went on and on and on and on and on; Space station blows up, (takes 20 minutes) shuttle crashes (takes 20 minutes to crash too!), burns up the drill, show down over the bomb, FOUND A NEW DRILL!. space dementia (eye roll!) and Steve Buscemi goes nuts with the chain gun (Uh, BTW, those were Mars rovers. Just what were they planning to shoot on MARS?) Then remote detonator wont work, Shuttle engine wont start, then Bruce Willis cant even pull the trigger without yet ANOTHER "action" sequence! By the time Bruce Willis killed himself I was like "YES! FINALLY! Dear god thank you!! It's over.. or is it?! .... YES it really is!" and you break down weeping for joy in the theater. This is pretty much true of every film he makes. By the time it is over you are sick to death of the movie.
Oh and what the hell is the deal with all the camera shaking? Is the fact that I can't see any thing supposed to make me think it is more "real" Gah. It started in the "The Rock" with the car chase between Nick Cage and Sean Connery. Then it went completely overboard (like anything Micheal bay) in "Pearl Harbor"
I read this story I read in a pilots magazine. When Bay made Pearl Harbor he went to the owners of many actual WWII aircraft and rented their very expensive museum pieces from them. (Not cheap) then he broke them down and shipped them to Hawaii and had them reassembled there. (Not cheap) Then he filmed many action sequences with the plane at Pearl Harbor. Then broke the planes back down, shipped them back and reassembled them.
So he spent a LOT of money to use authentic aircraft in his action sequences. So I read about this before the movie released and I was thinking, "This is gonna be cool!!"
Then he did the "shaking camera" thing to such an extreme you can hardly tell they are airplanes let alone be able to tell they are authentic. What kind of moron spends all that money and does all that work then does not let you SEE what he spent all that money to film? It's just boggling. (and if the shaking is that violent how could anybody operate the plane? GAH!)
On top of that - how can you possibly make a movie about Pearl harbor and make it BORING? He pulled it off.
So what set off this rant? He offended my nerdy sensibilities this weekend, They are running a trailer for Transformers III. Watch this trailer for it on YouTube. Pay attention to Walter Cronkite, They are now on the far side of the moon. Far side of the moon? Once you land on a given spot of the moon You can't move to the far side! The moon is tidally locked, it does not rotate in relation to the earth. Throughout all of human history we have ALWAYS looked up to he same side of the moon.
I mean this is not rocket science; Can we at least get the 4th grade stuff right? Wow.
So to cap it off- Apparently Sean Green feels about the same way towards Micheal bay as I do- Micheal Bay Parody (very short)
Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day!
You know movies/stories are supposed to manipulate your emotions to some degree but when done by a true artist you are never even aware you are being manipulated. Micheal Bay uses a sledgehammer and even puts a sign on the screen that says "Emotional manipulation technique 3A commencing NOW!" Then you are just setting there rolling your eyes going, "Really?"
In his film school efforts to manipulate our emotions he just WONT STOP! Action sequences are just waaay too long and just way too many things happen (that each last tool long). Eg In Armageddon it just went on and on and on and on and on; Space station blows up, (takes 20 minutes) shuttle crashes (takes 20 minutes to crash too!), burns up the drill, show down over the bomb, FOUND A NEW DRILL!. space dementia (eye roll!) and Steve Buscemi goes nuts with the chain gun (Uh, BTW, those were Mars rovers. Just what were they planning to shoot on MARS?) Then remote detonator wont work, Shuttle engine wont start, then Bruce Willis cant even pull the trigger without yet ANOTHER "action" sequence! By the time Bruce Willis killed himself I was like "YES! FINALLY! Dear god thank you!! It's over.. or is it?! .... YES it really is!" and you break down weeping for joy in the theater. This is pretty much true of every film he makes. By the time it is over you are sick to death of the movie.
Oh and what the hell is the deal with all the camera shaking? Is the fact that I can't see any thing supposed to make me think it is more "real" Gah. It started in the "The Rock" with the car chase between Nick Cage and Sean Connery. Then it went completely overboard (like anything Micheal bay) in "Pearl Harbor"
I read this story I read in a pilots magazine. When Bay made Pearl Harbor he went to the owners of many actual WWII aircraft and rented their very expensive museum pieces from them. (Not cheap) then he broke them down and shipped them to Hawaii and had them reassembled there. (Not cheap) Then he filmed many action sequences with the plane at Pearl Harbor. Then broke the planes back down, shipped them back and reassembled them.
So he spent a LOT of money to use authentic aircraft in his action sequences. So I read about this before the movie released and I was thinking, "This is gonna be cool!!"
Then he did the "shaking camera" thing to such an extreme you can hardly tell they are airplanes let alone be able to tell they are authentic. What kind of moron spends all that money and does all that work then does not let you SEE what he spent all that money to film? It's just boggling. (and if the shaking is that violent how could anybody operate the plane? GAH!)
On top of that - how can you possibly make a movie about Pearl harbor and make it BORING? He pulled it off.
So what set off this rant? He offended my nerdy sensibilities this weekend, They are running a trailer for Transformers III. Watch this trailer for it on YouTube. Pay attention to Walter Cronkite, They are now on the far side of the moon. Far side of the moon? Once you land on a given spot of the moon You can't move to the far side! The moon is tidally locked, it does not rotate in relation to the earth. Throughout all of human history we have ALWAYS looked up to he same side of the moon.
I mean this is not rocket science; Can we at least get the 4th grade stuff right? Wow.
So to cap it off- Apparently Sean Green feels about the same way towards Micheal bay as I do- Micheal Bay Parody (very short)
Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
TV Ads
Man, TV sure has changed since I was young.
Nowadays it's just sex, sex, SEX!
I mean look at the "Victoria's secret" ads, whatever it was it aint much of a secret anymore now is it?
Then there are those Playtex commercials where the women are actually cupping their boobs while talking to them and about them. Can you believe that?
Then there are the ads for those Nike shape up shoes thing.. They found an incredibly shapely butt, put it in thin TIGHT Spandex and just zoomed WAY in. I mean that was as close to being naked as I have ever seen while being fully dressed, in high def and 2 foot across to boot!
The Sketchers got in on the act too and started doing lots of "booty zooms" with the camera and then they did that shapers top thing too so now they are zooming in on boobs as well as booties! Then they introduced dozens of women in of bikinis moving in slow motion to their ads!! Are there no limits?
My God, when I was young it was an absolute SCANDAL that sometimes on Charlie's Angels they did not wear a bra. They were literally protesting in the streets over it. Now not only can you see "cameltoe" but they zoom the camera in so close you can even tell she has a piercing down there. It's just unbelievable
Man, what a great time to be alive!
Nowadays it's just sex, sex, SEX!
I mean look at the "Victoria's secret" ads, whatever it was it aint much of a secret anymore now is it?
Then there are those Playtex commercials where the women are actually cupping their boobs while talking to them and about them. Can you believe that?
Then there are the ads for those Nike shape up shoes thing.. They found an incredibly shapely butt, put it in thin TIGHT Spandex and just zoomed WAY in. I mean that was as close to being naked as I have ever seen while being fully dressed, in high def and 2 foot across to boot!
The Sketchers got in on the act too and started doing lots of "booty zooms" with the camera and then they did that shapers top thing too so now they are zooming in on boobs as well as booties! Then they introduced dozens of women in of bikinis moving in slow motion to their ads!! Are there no limits?
My God, when I was young it was an absolute SCANDAL that sometimes on Charlie's Angels they did not wear a bra. They were literally protesting in the streets over it. Now not only can you see "cameltoe" but they zoom the camera in so close you can even tell she has a piercing down there. It's just unbelievable
Man, what a great time to be alive!
Monday, December 6, 2010
What a scam!
Sorry for the picture quality but I saw this in the check out line last night and I was flabbergasted, so I shot it one handed!
This magazine has been around as long as I can remember and frankly, I don't know how it stays in business.I mean who is dumb enough to read this drivel?
1) Ladies, There are NO secrets to male arousal. An article on secrets to keeping the Earth in orbit around our sun would be just as relevant. So ladies, if you need help in this area I would recommend dating a man with a heartbeat and that you give up any future attempts at necrophilia. {shudder}
2) There is no such thing as a sexy hairstyle. I mean there are pretty and ugly hairstyles of course but not sexy ones. If you think that it is possible for your hair to be sexy then that is probably why you think there are "secrets" to male arousal!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A Swing and a Miss
Strike one.
Folks here at work were talking about how awesome Amish furniture is so the first thought that popped into my warped little mind is " I bet the Amish website really sucks". So I made a sad little attempt at humor and was IMMEDIATELY called on it. (never have I gotten comments faster!) Of course the Amish don't have websites but OF COURSE their distributors and retailers do. Duh.
Strike two.
Our shitty cable provider, Comcast, has taken six steps back, we have reverted to the 80's and we have to have cable boxes again. (Remember those?) There are three TV's in the house and only one box worked right. So I spent HOURS on the phone with someone from India trying to make the the other two work. And when I say trying to make them work that means we spent a few hours unplugging the box and plugging it back in, basically rebooting it. I was very patient that day.
She finally gave up and sent a technician. Well by 'sent' I mean 10 days later a guy showed up 3 hours after the appointed time and fixed the other two cable boxes. I was patient then too. I made sure they both worked before he left.
After he left I noticed that the one box that worked before was not getting all the channels it should now. Grrrrrr. So I called up Comcast and the lady in India told me to unplug the cable box. My patients were now officially all used up. I said NO! I have spent hours rebooting these boxes and it has never worked and I don't intend to waste another night of my life rebooting boxes because it's not going to work now, I am not following your script anymore, give me something intelligent to do and I will gladly do it but no more unplugging boxes for NOTHING!
Oh yes, it was a rant! My voice coach would have been so proud! I was projecting from the diaphragm! Yes, it was a good old fashioned LOUD "NO MORE" rant.
I felt so much better. Then I felt childish so I relented and rebooted the stupid box.
As I had heard dozens of times already. "Now it should take 45 minutes to reload. If after 45 minutes you still have problems give us call us back."
Yeah, thanks, I have this fricken script memorized. Been there done that have a couple of boxes of T shirts from all the visits, thanks.
So, yeah, of course it worked this time! I made an ass of my self, the girl in India now wants to blow up plane loads of American jerk wads and the cable box works just fine.
{sigh}
Hmmm, maybe I could lie to my self to make me feel better?
You know, I bet the rant fixed it!
No, no, no, that makes no logical sense, more likely, they just been screwing with me for the last two weeks and when I went off on the tear the little girl knew she had really better actually fix it this time. Yeah, that's it. I finally make her do her job. Yes!
Ah, self delusion is soooooo important!
Folks here at work were talking about how awesome Amish furniture is so the first thought that popped into my warped little mind is " I bet the Amish website really sucks". So I made a sad little attempt at humor and was IMMEDIATELY called on it. (never have I gotten comments faster!) Of course the Amish don't have websites but OF COURSE their distributors and retailers do. Duh.
Strike two.
Our shitty cable provider, Comcast, has taken six steps back, we have reverted to the 80's and we have to have cable boxes again. (Remember those?) There are three TV's in the house and only one box worked right. So I spent HOURS on the phone with someone from India trying to make the the other two work. And when I say trying to make them work that means we spent a few hours unplugging the box and plugging it back in, basically rebooting it. I was very patient that day.
She finally gave up and sent a technician. Well by 'sent' I mean 10 days later a guy showed up 3 hours after the appointed time and fixed the other two cable boxes. I was patient then too. I made sure they both worked before he left.
After he left I noticed that the one box that worked before was not getting all the channels it should now. Grrrrrr. So I called up Comcast and the lady in India told me to unplug the cable box. My patients were now officially all used up. I said NO! I have spent hours rebooting these boxes and it has never worked and I don't intend to waste another night of my life rebooting boxes because it's not going to work now, I am not following your script anymore, give me something intelligent to do and I will gladly do it but no more unplugging boxes for NOTHING!
Oh yes, it was a rant! My voice coach would have been so proud! I was projecting from the diaphragm! Yes, it was a good old fashioned LOUD "NO MORE" rant.
I felt so much better. Then I felt childish so I relented and rebooted the stupid box.
As I had heard dozens of times already. "Now it should take 45 minutes to reload. If after 45 minutes you still have problems give us call us back."
Yeah, thanks, I have this fricken script memorized. Been there done that have a couple of boxes of T shirts from all the visits, thanks.
So, yeah, of course it worked this time! I made an ass of my self, the girl in India now wants to blow up plane loads of American jerk wads and the cable box works just fine.
{sigh}
Hmmm, maybe I could lie to my self to make me feel better?
You know, I bet the rant fixed it!
No, no, no, that makes no logical sense, more likely, they just been screwing with me for the last two weeks and when I went off on the tear the little girl knew she had really better actually fix it this time. Yeah, that's it. I finally make her do her job. Yes!
Ah, self delusion is soooooo important!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Really. Really? Really!
Ok, my sinuses are draining and we have been working these weird split shifts so my "biorhythms" are all off kilter and my sleep is spotty at best. Play your little violin for me Erika :)
Here, this graph may help explain....
#RANT_MODE=TRUE
In short, I am a bit pissy today so my (attempted) humor will be a little, more ummmm, hmmm the thesaurus does not seem to have a synonym for pissy so I will just have to stick with that word. In spite of the diluted vitriol spewed henceforth (aka piss), Hopefully, you will get a laugh, and perhaps go "ahhhh, never thought of it that way before" but I doubt it. In spite of our inflated opinions of ourselves we are very close minded and set in our ways. (myself included)
1) Miners TRAPPED in a mine are hero's? Really?
Uh, hello… hero's make a conscious sacrifice of their own well being (be it mental, physical, financial, etc) to help OTHERS. Not getting killed by a falling rock is not the stuff of hero's. By that bizarre standard we are all heroes who commute to work/ stores/schools every day and don't get killed in traffic. Hey, no one ran over me today- I'M A FEAKING HERO! WHOO HOO! Really?
Now the guys who probably worked very hard for very long periods of time probably very short of sleep and all the while coming up with creative and impromptu ways to keep their trapped brethren alive for all this time, THOSE guys are the hero's! Somehow I don’t think they will be on "The View" anytime soon. Really.
Which upon further review is probably a reward for being a hero after all. :)
2) "Chelsea Clinton's wedding, every girls dream come true" screams the glossy chronicles of the professional stalkerazzi from break room tables and newsstands everywhere. Really?
In this day and age of powerful, smart, educated women your "dream" is really represented by over sized wedding dresses, waiters in tuxes and horse drawn carriages?
These are your dream? Still? Really?
OK in June Cleavers day I could buy that but in 2011? Really?
Well guys, here is where clearly have a major break with women. We dream of scantily clad women and fast gorgeous machines. They (apparently) dream of themselves and everyone around them wearing layers upon layers of clothing and riding in painfully slow, extremely smelly transportation that was totally obsolete a freaking century ago.
Wow. Really?
No wonder divorce rates are so high.
3) Bicycle helmets? Really?
Average fatalities from bicycle accidents over the last couple of decades run right around 800 per year in the US. Of that roughly 800, I can find no stats for how many of those were from head trauma.
There is a statistically insignificant variation in those numbers from before we started wearing helmets as large percentages of riders and after.
Yet we all wear our utterly-impossible-to-make-any-more-dorky-looking-helmets because someone somewhere said we should (uh perhaps helmet manufacturers? Duh!?) and we all just do it like the mindless little lemmings our “education” systems have turned us into.
Slip and falls in bathrooms account for approximately 20,000 deaths per year in North America.
So we wear "safety gear" where the odds of fatality are minuscule.
But we DON'T wear a dorky helmet where the odds of traumatic death are 25 times greater. Really?
Personally, I plan to tap into this mindset. I am going to patent a really dorky looking helmet with a lightning rod and a trailing grounding wire and sell thousands of them to prevent the roughly 20 deaths per year from lighting strike in the US. Good old group think and peer pressure will make you buy them. BWUH-HA-HA-HA! Sorry I just could not contain the evil laugh any longer! Why if you dare even question the need for your own "death by lightning preventer" then you’re just stupid and you have no compassion! Oh if your religious then I will have to exploit that and tell you your questioning the need for my hat is proof of Satan's growing influence over your mind! SATAN BE GONE! BUY MY HAT!
Persuasive arguments huh? Oh I am gonna get sooooooo rich!
Really!
4)Speaking of math. So people STILL play the government lotteries? Really?
You know what a lottery is? It’s a tax on people bad at math.(Perhaps like dorky little helmets?) ‘Nuff said.
5) Democrats are the party of the people. Republican’s are the party of the corporations. Really?
A quick aside--- Now unlike that idiot on face book who wished I would *die* because she THOUGHT I was a McCain supporter (those touchy feely liberals don’t cha know, if you don’t agree with them you should *die*. Really? Can you feel the compassion, the inclusiveness? :) ) So before you even go there be aware, I‘m a libertarian and in my opinion no one worthy of the title of president has been on the ballot in decades. So don’t make assumptions. I am just making observations here hoping to make you see the situation from another perspective and maybe JUST maybe, just for a few seconds, I can get you to think outside the political box you settled into in your teens and have never dared stray out of for even a second since. (that is after all how I make my living folks! :) )
So here we go… the “party of the corporations” was in charge in 2001 and 2003 when the economy was failing; Especially after 9/11. So the “party of the corporations” sent economic stimulus checks directly to every American who filed income tax (even if they did not make enough money to pay ANY income tax, if they filed they got a check. In other words they sent millions upon millions of checks directly to “the people”
So then in the same situation last year the “party of the people” gave ¾’s of trillion dollars of stimulus money to… wait for it… corporations. Really! (BTW, how’s that working out for stimulus?) Yes, some of that money went to government agencies as well but not a single penny of that huge fund went straight to a “people” (sic) anywhere
THEN the “party of the people” passed a “health-care bill” that is going to take 2 trillion dollars over the next 10 years OUT of the pockets of “the people” and channel it into who’s hands? Oh yeah, big corporations! Big insurance and big pharma. You know, those entities you hated so much you wanted “government” health care in the first place to put those evil bastards out of business.
Now thanks to the "party of the people" those very same corporations will get even MORE of the people's money and just to pour a little salt into the wound, we the people no longer have any say in the matter.
Oh, on that note the “party of the people” passed that ugly piece of legislation when the majority of “the people” were opposed to it. (and now that we all have a better idea whats going on in that legislation even a larger majority of the people oppose it)
Party of the people. Really?
Ok, equal time please. Now let's talk about the self proclaimed party of "small government" and how they spent, spent, spent like the drunken whores that they are for 8 years. (Owww, my apologies to honest hard working whores everywhere. At least you EARN your living. You are far more respectable than the parasites that are our professional legislators )
OOooo god and here is my favorite. I just LOVE how the self proclaimed party of "Small Government, personal liberty and free markets" is repeating all the mistakes that history teaches us about the the horrible foul up that that was prohibition. Not only are they screwing up the exact same way repeating bad history but screwing up BY shooting the bird to their three (claimed) main principles at the same time. Really!
Let's review how prohibition, you know, government meddling in the free market while at the same time interfering with personal liberty created a vast black market that made very, very bad people so very rich they could buy the government. And those they could not buy off they murdered with impunity.
So we got smart and said ooops, that was a mistake. DO OVER! Repealed!
But the wealth the mob acquired during that period still has them in very powerful positions 80 years later. (Not to mention the enduring wealth of the Kennedy clan which was originally derived from Rum running)
Then 30 years later we just jumped up and did the whole prohibition thing again but with certain crops instead of ethanol. Really?
But who pushes it so hard today? Why "The party of personal liberty, small government and free markets that's who! Really!
They have chosen and continue to choose to ban certain very cheap crops. However, since the demand curve for those crops has not abated, just like demand for ethanol was not abated, and since the republicans willfully choose to impede the free market the supply curve raises it ugly head and what once cost pennies per bushel now costs dollars per gram. That kind of money on the black markets makes those evil enough to be willing to fulfill market demands at any cost (to others) very rich men. Now the drug lords run the Mexican border with impunity and their growing wealth will keep these evil people in power for generations to come.
Now they wipe out the the entire police force of a town in one night, they stockpile military grade weapons that make Al Qaeda look like the ranks armatures that they are.
But does the party of "Small government, personal liberty and free markets" every consider that perhaps they should actually live up to that mantra and stop all the suffering that defying their proclaimed goals is causing. Nope not for a second! Really!
In fact they just pile on and spend billions to reduce supply in the producing countries while again demand remains roughly the same. Holy compound interest batman! They are spending big government money to further suppress supply making the COST CURVE INCREASE AGAIN therefore further empowering evil men! My god, they can't understand the market forces they claim to support. really! My god the swirling vortex of stupidity, hypocrisy, and evil just grows and grows! It will swallow more and more of Mexico and Arizona until once again they repeal prohibition.
I could go on this tract for hours more folks pointing out where both major party’s stand in direct and often VERY loud contradiction to their stereotypes and/ or claims. However, none of us have that kind of time. i can't believe how large this post has grown already.
So all I ask is that you ALL stop being little lemmings and automatically hating OR loving a candidate based solely on the little D or little R that comes after their name.
You. Are. Better. Than. That. Really.
So here is my usual sign off but with a weary and pissy overtone, “Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day”
#RANT_MODE=FALSE
Oh PS, Libertarians are the only “party of the people” and "party of free markets, AND small goverments AND personal liberty in this country. So there! Thpppppppp! :0
After some sleep this weekend (and a slew of postponed housework) I should be closer to my more light hearted tone again.
Here, this graph may help explain....
#RANT_MODE=TRUE
In short, I am a bit pissy today so my (attempted) humor will be a little, more ummmm, hmmm the thesaurus does not seem to have a synonym for pissy so I will just have to stick with that word. In spite of the diluted vitriol spewed henceforth (aka piss), Hopefully, you will get a laugh, and perhaps go "ahhhh, never thought of it that way before" but I doubt it. In spite of our inflated opinions of ourselves we are very close minded and set in our ways. (myself included)
1) Miners TRAPPED in a mine are hero's? Really?
Uh, hello… hero's make a conscious sacrifice of their own well being (be it mental, physical, financial, etc) to help OTHERS. Not getting killed by a falling rock is not the stuff of hero's. By that bizarre standard we are all heroes who commute to work/ stores/schools every day and don't get killed in traffic. Hey, no one ran over me today- I'M A FEAKING HERO! WHOO HOO! Really?
Now the guys who probably worked very hard for very long periods of time probably very short of sleep and all the while coming up with creative and impromptu ways to keep their trapped brethren alive for all this time, THOSE guys are the hero's! Somehow I don’t think they will be on "The View" anytime soon. Really.
Which upon further review is probably a reward for being a hero after all. :)
2) "Chelsea Clinton's wedding, every girls dream come true" screams the glossy chronicles of the professional stalkerazzi from break room tables and newsstands everywhere. Really?
In this day and age of powerful, smart, educated women your "dream" is really represented by over sized wedding dresses, waiters in tuxes and horse drawn carriages?
These are your dream? Still? Really?
OK in June Cleavers day I could buy that but in 2011? Really?
Well guys, here is where clearly have a major break with women. We dream of scantily clad women and fast gorgeous machines. They (apparently) dream of themselves and everyone around them wearing layers upon layers of clothing and riding in painfully slow, extremely smelly transportation that was totally obsolete a freaking century ago.
Wow. Really?
No wonder divorce rates are so high.
3) Bicycle helmets? Really?
Average fatalities from bicycle accidents over the last couple of decades run right around 800 per year in the US. Of that roughly 800, I can find no stats for how many of those were from head trauma.
There is a statistically insignificant variation in those numbers from before we started wearing helmets as large percentages of riders and after.
Yet we all wear our utterly-impossible-to-make-any-more-dorky-looking-helmets because someone somewhere said we should (uh perhaps helmet manufacturers? Duh!?) and we all just do it like the mindless little lemmings our “education” systems have turned us into.
Slip and falls in bathrooms account for approximately 20,000 deaths per year in North America.
So we wear "safety gear" where the odds of fatality are minuscule.
But we DON'T wear a dorky helmet where the odds of traumatic death are 25 times greater. Really?
Personally, I plan to tap into this mindset. I am going to patent a really dorky looking helmet with a lightning rod and a trailing grounding wire and sell thousands of them to prevent the roughly 20 deaths per year from lighting strike in the US. Good old group think and peer pressure will make you buy them. BWUH-HA-HA-HA! Sorry I just could not contain the evil laugh any longer! Why if you dare even question the need for your own "death by lightning preventer" then you’re just stupid and you have no compassion! Oh if your religious then I will have to exploit that and tell you your questioning the need for my hat is proof of Satan's growing influence over your mind! SATAN BE GONE! BUY MY HAT!
Persuasive arguments huh? Oh I am gonna get sooooooo rich!
Really!
4)Speaking of math. So people STILL play the government lotteries? Really?
You know what a lottery is? It’s a tax on people bad at math.(Perhaps like dorky little helmets?) ‘Nuff said.
5) Democrats are the party of the people. Republican’s are the party of the corporations. Really?
A quick aside--- Now unlike that idiot on face book who wished I would *die* because she THOUGHT I was a McCain supporter (those touchy feely liberals don’t cha know, if you don’t agree with them you should *die*. Really? Can you feel the compassion, the inclusiveness? :) ) So before you even go there be aware, I‘m a libertarian and in my opinion no one worthy of the title of president has been on the ballot in decades. So don’t make assumptions. I am just making observations here hoping to make you see the situation from another perspective and maybe JUST maybe, just for a few seconds, I can get you to think outside the political box you settled into in your teens and have never dared stray out of for even a second since. (that is after all how I make my living folks! :) )
So here we go… the “party of the corporations” was in charge in 2001 and 2003 when the economy was failing; Especially after 9/11. So the “party of the corporations” sent economic stimulus checks directly to every American who filed income tax (even if they did not make enough money to pay ANY income tax, if they filed they got a check. In other words they sent millions upon millions of checks directly to “the people”
So then in the same situation last year the “party of the people” gave ¾’s of trillion dollars of stimulus money to… wait for it… corporations. Really! (BTW, how’s that working out for stimulus?) Yes, some of that money went to government agencies as well but not a single penny of that huge fund went straight to a “people” (sic) anywhere
THEN the “party of the people” passed a “health-care bill” that is going to take 2 trillion dollars over the next 10 years OUT of the pockets of “the people” and channel it into who’s hands? Oh yeah, big corporations! Big insurance and big pharma. You know, those entities you hated so much you wanted “government” health care in the first place to put those evil bastards out of business.
Now thanks to the "party of the people" those very same corporations will get even MORE of the people's money and just to pour a little salt into the wound, we the people no longer have any say in the matter.
Oh, on that note the “party of the people” passed that ugly piece of legislation when the majority of “the people” were opposed to it. (and now that we all have a better idea whats going on in that legislation even a larger majority of the people oppose it)
Party of the people. Really?
Ok, equal time please. Now let's talk about the self proclaimed party of "small government" and how they spent, spent, spent like the drunken whores that they are for 8 years. (Owww, my apologies to honest hard working whores everywhere. At least you EARN your living. You are far more respectable than the parasites that are our professional legislators )
OOooo god and here is my favorite. I just LOVE how the self proclaimed party of "Small Government, personal liberty and free markets" is repeating all the mistakes that history teaches us about the the horrible foul up that that was prohibition. Not only are they screwing up the exact same way repeating bad history but screwing up BY shooting the bird to their three (claimed) main principles at the same time. Really!
Let's review how prohibition, you know, government meddling in the free market while at the same time interfering with personal liberty created a vast black market that made very, very bad people so very rich they could buy the government. And those they could not buy off they murdered with impunity.
So we got smart and said ooops, that was a mistake. DO OVER! Repealed!
But the wealth the mob acquired during that period still has them in very powerful positions 80 years later. (Not to mention the enduring wealth of the Kennedy clan which was originally derived from Rum running)
Then 30 years later we just jumped up and did the whole prohibition thing again but with certain crops instead of ethanol. Really?
But who pushes it so hard today? Why "The party of personal liberty, small government and free markets that's who! Really!
They have chosen and continue to choose to ban certain very cheap crops. However, since the demand curve for those crops has not abated, just like demand for ethanol was not abated, and since the republicans willfully choose to impede the free market the supply curve raises it ugly head and what once cost pennies per bushel now costs dollars per gram. That kind of money on the black markets makes those evil enough to be willing to fulfill market demands at any cost (to others) very rich men. Now the drug lords run the Mexican border with impunity and their growing wealth will keep these evil people in power for generations to come.
Now they wipe out the the entire police force of a town in one night, they stockpile military grade weapons that make Al Qaeda look like the ranks armatures that they are.
But does the party of "Small government, personal liberty and free markets" every consider that perhaps they should actually live up to that mantra and stop all the suffering that defying their proclaimed goals is causing. Nope not for a second! Really!
In fact they just pile on and spend billions to reduce supply in the producing countries while again demand remains roughly the same. Holy compound interest batman! They are spending big government money to further suppress supply making the COST CURVE INCREASE AGAIN therefore further empowering evil men! My god, they can't understand the market forces they claim to support. really! My god the swirling vortex of stupidity, hypocrisy, and evil just grows and grows! It will swallow more and more of Mexico and Arizona until once again they repeal prohibition.
I could go on this tract for hours more folks pointing out where both major party’s stand in direct and often VERY loud contradiction to their stereotypes and/ or claims. However, none of us have that kind of time. i can't believe how large this post has grown already.
So all I ask is that you ALL stop being little lemmings and automatically hating OR loving a candidate based solely on the little D or little R that comes after their name.
You. Are. Better. Than. That. Really.
So here is my usual sign off but with a weary and pissy overtone, “Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day”
#RANT_MODE=FALSE
Oh PS, Libertarians are the only “party of the people” and "party of free markets, AND small goverments AND personal liberty in this country. So there! Thpppppppp! :0
After some sleep this weekend (and a slew of postponed housework) I should be closer to my more light hearted tone again.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
A Minor Rant…
I like Girl Scout cookies and even though they are pricey buying them has always had a “feel good” factor involved because you know you are helping a decent organization.
However, I have been getting miffed of late and I have now instituted a firm new policy.
From now on I will ONLY buy Girl Scout Cookies from real live Girl Scouts!
No more will I buy from parents of Girl Scouts in the office. I mean a big part of the Girl Scouts selling cookies was to get them out there and off their butts and SELL. Do something! Earn something! It’s not supposed to be about Mommy and Daddy running yet another errand for baby darling while she watches TV.
Nope, I hereby vow that I will never turn down an actual Girl Scout but at the same time I will never again buy from parents of Girls Scouts. (if their parents are just escorting them, watching over them that is fine)
I also believe that if you really care about Girl Scouts that you should make the same vow as well.
Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day. :)
However, I have been getting miffed of late and I have now instituted a firm new policy.
From now on I will ONLY buy Girl Scout Cookies from real live Girl Scouts!
No more will I buy from parents of Girl Scouts in the office. I mean a big part of the Girl Scouts selling cookies was to get them out there and off their butts and SELL. Do something! Earn something! It’s not supposed to be about Mommy and Daddy running yet another errand for baby darling while she watches TV.
Nope, I hereby vow that I will never turn down an actual Girl Scout but at the same time I will never again buy from parents of Girls Scouts. (if their parents are just escorting them, watching over them that is fine)
I also believe that if you really care about Girl Scouts that you should make the same vow as well.
Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day. :)
Monday, January 5, 2009
Road Ranting!
As opposed to road rage so this is a healthy vent!
I came home to Dallas from Springfield on Christmas day. I don't have any signed contracts in Springfield so I am going to be here at home for a little while so I drove home instead of flying so I have something to drive at home.
Ok, this is a two part rant...
1) What ever happened to slower traffic keep right? When did we lose the concept that the left lane on the interstate was a PASSING lane? I mean every one loses focus now and then so it's understandable that you forget and pace the car in the right lane for a while but seriously, I had to pass many people on the right on the trip home and not only is that horrible etiquette it's against the law.
I think some people appoint themselves traffic monitors and deliberately try to block traffic with the rationale that if "I'm doing the speed limit then they should not pass me"
The irony there is that little Miss (or Mister) self appointed law enforcer is breaking two laws by trying to enforce the speed limit law.
"Slower traffic keep right" is an absolute, not a relative or even an IF condition! It's not, "Slower traffic keep right unless you are going the speed limit" it's just KEEP RIGHT- period- end of discussion.
When I was a kid in Missouri cops used to actually write tickets if you were passed on the right. You got a "obstructing traffic" ticket. I have spent enough time in St. Louis to know Missouri cops do not write this ticket any more. I travel quite a bit and I think it is safe to say Missourians are the absolute worse group for ignoring this bit of driving etiquette.
On to the next topic...
2) People, use your freaking cruise control on the interstate huh?
I only know of one individual car built in the last 20 years that does not have one and how Erika managed to find a modern car without one boggles me a little.
If you are NOT going to use your cruise control or have one of the six cars in the known universe without one then please, follow one of the 99.9999% of the cars on the road with one!
This little rant comes about because of people who slowly pass you then (properly) move into the right lane in front of you then slow down! So then I have to pass them again then they will pass me again! Rinse and repeat!
This happened several times during the trip but there was one person I swear I passed 5 or 6 times on the Oklahoma turnpike before I got so sick of it I tromped on the gas and went extra fast for about 10 minutes to get him out of sight behind me. Then I let the cruise control take over again at the same speed where he had been pacing me. It took him about 15 minutes to catch up to me, get in front of me and slow down again. GAH! WTF??!!
It's a good thing I don't have telekinesis because I swear I would have mentally ruptured several small blood vessels in his forehead, hopefully leaving a scarlet LAL! on his forehead for a few weeks. (LAL=Lame Ass Loser!)
Ah what a sweet Christmas day memory! :)
Isn't it amazing how just the little things that can make you completely crazy on a 13 hour 800 mile drive?
Ok, thanks, I feel better now! :)
I came home to Dallas from Springfield on Christmas day. I don't have any signed contracts in Springfield so I am going to be here at home for a little while so I drove home instead of flying so I have something to drive at home.
Ok, this is a two part rant...
1) What ever happened to slower traffic keep right? When did we lose the concept that the left lane on the interstate was a PASSING lane? I mean every one loses focus now and then so it's understandable that you forget and pace the car in the right lane for a while but seriously, I had to pass many people on the right on the trip home and not only is that horrible etiquette it's against the law.
I think some people appoint themselves traffic monitors and deliberately try to block traffic with the rationale that if "I'm doing the speed limit then they should not pass me"
The irony there is that little Miss (or Mister) self appointed law enforcer is breaking two laws by trying to enforce the speed limit law.
"Slower traffic keep right" is an absolute, not a relative or even an IF condition! It's not, "Slower traffic keep right unless you are going the speed limit" it's just KEEP RIGHT- period- end of discussion.
When I was a kid in Missouri cops used to actually write tickets if you were passed on the right. You got a "obstructing traffic" ticket. I have spent enough time in St. Louis to know Missouri cops do not write this ticket any more. I travel quite a bit and I think it is safe to say Missourians are the absolute worse group for ignoring this bit of driving etiquette.
On to the next topic...
2) People, use your freaking cruise control on the interstate huh?
I only know of one individual car built in the last 20 years that does not have one and how Erika managed to find a modern car without one boggles me a little.
If you are NOT going to use your cruise control or have one of the six cars in the known universe without one then please, follow one of the 99.9999% of the cars on the road with one!
This little rant comes about because of people who slowly pass you then (properly) move into the right lane in front of you then slow down! So then I have to pass them again then they will pass me again! Rinse and repeat!
This happened several times during the trip but there was one person I swear I passed 5 or 6 times on the Oklahoma turnpike before I got so sick of it I tromped on the gas and went extra fast for about 10 minutes to get him out of sight behind me. Then I let the cruise control take over again at the same speed where he had been pacing me. It took him about 15 minutes to catch up to me, get in front of me and slow down again. GAH! WTF??!!
It's a good thing I don't have telekinesis because I swear I would have mentally ruptured several small blood vessels in his forehead, hopefully leaving a scarlet LAL! on his forehead for a few weeks. (LAL=Lame Ass Loser!)
Ah what a sweet Christmas day memory! :)
Isn't it amazing how just the little things that can make you completely crazy on a 13 hour 800 mile drive?
Ok, thanks, I feel better now! :)
Monday, November 24, 2008
No Mos!
In a clear violation in all things manly and rednecky I actually went to the mall yesterday.
Mine Gott- where do they hire the carnival hawkers from? You try to walk down the aisle of the mall where all the silly little kiosks are and man you are like fresh meat in the lions den, they all come swarming after you like piranha's sensing a bleeding cow stuck in the mud of the Amazon river! "Are you happy with your cell service?" Are you tired of dry winter skin?" "Is your good furniture scratched up?" "Are you tired of loosing your keys!?" "Do your panties ride up?" Oy vay!
Did I say where did they hire them from? I mean where did they build them at?
They are clearly Terminator hawkers..."Listen, and understand Sarah Connor. That terminator hawker is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are BROKE!"
I mean really, do I look like the kind of person that would spend 70 dollars on a nail care set? So clearly the terminator hawkers programming is off a little and yet she would. Not. Stop! It was incredible!
They prey off of peoples good manners, I mean as long as someone is polite it is hard to tell them to get the hell away from me. But they just wont stop! "Uh, no thank you." "Uh no, I am sure it's a good product but I am not interested." Uh fascinating but I have other things to do." "OK gotta go now!" "DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!"
I finally shook off the first one after wasting about 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back learning how 70 freaking dollars worth of nail care products CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I finally broke away muttering to myself "Man, can you believe THAT shit!" just as the cell phone hawker was in my face!, "Why yes I am happy with my cell service." "No thank you." "I have a contract!" "I am NOT changing carriers!" "I really don't care!" "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"
I am normally a very nice person but by the time the 5th terminator was in my face I said in my best Clint Eastwood sneer and growl, "Step the fuck back!" It worked, so clearly he finished low in terminator class. The irony was he was selling tools and so that was the only product pushed at me all night I might have actually been interested in but by then my all my niceness and interest in ANYTHING anyone came to me with was long gone.
It reminds of that classic scene in the movie "Airplane" where Leslie Nielson has to fight his way through the swarms of begging Hare Krishna's at the airport. I tell ya I was ready to unleash some Kung Fu action myself!
Now I admit I am not a mall person to begin with but that was such a unhappy experience that I will never go into a Mall again. I wonder if Mall management realizes that the little bit of rent they make off those kiosks is hurting their over all business?
Or is it hurting them? How many of you avoid the mall to avoid the terminator hawkers?
It really makes me miss Orange Julius.
Thus ends Rob's bizarre rant of the day.
Mine Gott- where do they hire the carnival hawkers from? You try to walk down the aisle of the mall where all the silly little kiosks are and man you are like fresh meat in the lions den, they all come swarming after you like piranha's sensing a bleeding cow stuck in the mud of the Amazon river! "Are you happy with your cell service?" Are you tired of dry winter skin?" "Is your good furniture scratched up?" "Are you tired of loosing your keys!?" "Do your panties ride up?" Oy vay!
Did I say where did they hire them from? I mean where did they build them at?
They are clearly Terminator hawkers..."Listen, and understand Sarah Connor. That terminator hawker is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are BROKE!"
I mean really, do I look like the kind of person that would spend 70 dollars on a nail care set? So clearly the terminator hawkers programming is off a little and yet she would. Not. Stop! It was incredible!
They prey off of peoples good manners, I mean as long as someone is polite it is hard to tell them to get the hell away from me. But they just wont stop! "Uh, no thank you." "Uh no, I am sure it's a good product but I am not interested." Uh fascinating but I have other things to do." "OK gotta go now!" "DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!"
I finally shook off the first one after wasting about 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back learning how 70 freaking dollars worth of nail care products CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I finally broke away muttering to myself "Man, can you believe THAT shit!" just as the cell phone hawker was in my face!, "Why yes I am happy with my cell service." "No thank you." "I have a contract!" "I am NOT changing carriers!" "I really don't care!" "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"
I am normally a very nice person but by the time the 5th terminator was in my face I said in my best Clint Eastwood sneer and growl, "Step the fuck back!" It worked, so clearly he finished low in terminator class. The irony was he was selling tools and so that was the only product pushed at me all night I might have actually been interested in but by then my all my niceness and interest in ANYTHING anyone came to me with was long gone.
It reminds of that classic scene in the movie "Airplane" where Leslie Nielson has to fight his way through the swarms of begging Hare Krishna's at the airport. I tell ya I was ready to unleash some Kung Fu action myself!
Now I admit I am not a mall person to begin with but that was such a unhappy experience that I will never go into a Mall again. I wonder if Mall management realizes that the little bit of rent they make off those kiosks is hurting their over all business?
Or is it hurting them? How many of you avoid the mall to avoid the terminator hawkers?
It really makes me miss Orange Julius.
Thus ends Rob's bizarre rant of the day.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Weekend Travel
Well, end of month and end of quarter so I had to go home to Dallas this weekend and do my quarterly filings and all my normal bills.
So here are some travel rants…
First off Southwest Airlines…
(sorry Tammy) I used to fly American and I used Orbitz.com to book my travel. Orbitz has this really cool program where you key in your cell number and they will send you updates about your flight. About 2 hours before departure time they call you and tell you the flight status and the gate number. Then if anything changes they keep calling you to keep you posted. It’s an awesome program! I have been sitting at a gate before waiting for my flight to show up and I get a phone call telling me the gate change 5 minutes before the gate agent came on the intercom and announced it. Super cool!
When American quit flying my route I switched to Southwest. They do not allow booking through Orbitz. You can only use the Southwest site. So I no longer get notifications of issues.
I was little late getting out of work Friday so I was stressing to get to the airport on time and only after I stress my way through security do I find out my flight is going to be an hour late. All that stress just wasted! I could have put that stress to good use on something else and now it's just gone!
Later on the board changed and showed the flight two hours late. Then later the board changed and showed it 2 ½ hours late. During this time the bored looking gate agent did not make a single announcement. I only found out the new status when the plane did not show up and I walked over to the boards again. Grrrrrr.
Once we were seated on the plane the pilot announced that they had gotten behind earlier in the day due to the storms in the Midwest Friday and they had been trying to catch up for hours. Fair enough, I was watching that system on radar Friday and that flight crew did the right thing not trying to land in that mess. Good job. Also another high five to the flight crew for letting us know why we were all so late.
It sure would have been nice if the gate agent had done that about 2 hours ago.
Here is my question though. Since they had gotten behind schedule earlier in the day why didn’t the boards reflect the arrival time more accurately? Why keep putting us through the exercise of "it will be here shortly" only to delay it again? Very frustrating. If you are hungry and someone tells you dinner is in 3 hours then you deal with it. But if they tell you dinner is going to be ready in an hour then an hour later you go, "KIDDING! It's still an hour away!" Then again in an hour you go KIDDING! Only to do it again people start getting ticked off! Just tell me its going to be two or three hours out in the first place and quit teasing me!
For those of you with no knowledge of airline operations, rest assured Dispatch knows exactly where every plane is at all times. The company knew that plane was 2.5 hours behind; they simply chose not to notify us customers.
Hulk want smash! :)
Now a small rant for airport management…
What is the deal with airport TV’s? OK, airport management, here is a real brain flash for you… if you are going to invest the money in hanging TV’s from the ceiling and then buying cable or satellite for them then you know, what the hell, turn the volume up so we can actually HEAR the TV. I mean what a concept, moving pictures AND sound! Whoa, way too high tech I guess?
And hey, when did they pass that law that every single TV in the airport MUST be tuned to CNN?
Oh, while I am on that topic how about a quick rant about CNN?
For two hours Friday while I waited for my plane all CNN talked about was the big Hillary and Obama unity festival. They talked about how they were dressed, how his tie matched her pant suit, how they were seated in relation to each other and what it all meant. I do not mean commented in passing, I mean IN DEPTH analyses of what it meant that his tie matched her pant suit!
This is *news*? This was just "Entertainment Tonight" only with politicians instead of celebrities. (a fine line there I know)
Then the Larry King show started so I thought cool, maybe something interesting will come on now. Nope, just more of the same; Still it did get interesting though, Larry King brought in two body language experts who deconstructed Obama and Hillary’s body language during their respective speeches. It was like John Madden football with the clicker, they would freeze frame and analyze hand gestures, facial expressions and body postures and compare them to the words spoken. After maybe 20 minutes of this both experts concluded that they were both being deceptive. They probably did not really like each other at all in spite of the verbal love fest.
What? WHAT? Politicians telling bold faced lies? On TV? In front of their supporters?
I. Am. Shocked!
Thank you Larry King for bringing this ground breaking never before known news to the airwaves! I never even suspected career politicians could be dishonest before. I am still just a little shell shocked at this glowing insight but I think I will be a better person for it in the long run so thank you Larry King!
So here are some travel rants…
First off Southwest Airlines…
(sorry Tammy) I used to fly American and I used Orbitz.com to book my travel. Orbitz has this really cool program where you key in your cell number and they will send you updates about your flight. About 2 hours before departure time they call you and tell you the flight status and the gate number. Then if anything changes they keep calling you to keep you posted. It’s an awesome program! I have been sitting at a gate before waiting for my flight to show up and I get a phone call telling me the gate change 5 minutes before the gate agent came on the intercom and announced it. Super cool!
When American quit flying my route I switched to Southwest. They do not allow booking through Orbitz. You can only use the Southwest site. So I no longer get notifications of issues.
I was little late getting out of work Friday so I was stressing to get to the airport on time and only after I stress my way through security do I find out my flight is going to be an hour late. All that stress just wasted! I could have put that stress to good use on something else and now it's just gone!
Later on the board changed and showed the flight two hours late. Then later the board changed and showed it 2 ½ hours late. During this time the bored looking gate agent did not make a single announcement. I only found out the new status when the plane did not show up and I walked over to the boards again. Grrrrrr.
Once we were seated on the plane the pilot announced that they had gotten behind earlier in the day due to the storms in the Midwest Friday and they had been trying to catch up for hours. Fair enough, I was watching that system on radar Friday and that flight crew did the right thing not trying to land in that mess. Good job. Also another high five to the flight crew for letting us know why we were all so late.
It sure would have been nice if the gate agent had done that about 2 hours ago.
Here is my question though. Since they had gotten behind schedule earlier in the day why didn’t the boards reflect the arrival time more accurately? Why keep putting us through the exercise of "it will be here shortly" only to delay it again? Very frustrating. If you are hungry and someone tells you dinner is in 3 hours then you deal with it. But if they tell you dinner is going to be ready in an hour then an hour later you go, "KIDDING! It's still an hour away!" Then again in an hour you go KIDDING! Only to do it again people start getting ticked off! Just tell me its going to be two or three hours out in the first place and quit teasing me!
For those of you with no knowledge of airline operations, rest assured Dispatch knows exactly where every plane is at all times. The company knew that plane was 2.5 hours behind; they simply chose not to notify us customers.
Hulk want smash! :)
Now a small rant for airport management…
What is the deal with airport TV’s? OK, airport management, here is a real brain flash for you… if you are going to invest the money in hanging TV’s from the ceiling and then buying cable or satellite for them then you know, what the hell, turn the volume up so we can actually HEAR the TV. I mean what a concept, moving pictures AND sound! Whoa, way too high tech I guess?
And hey, when did they pass that law that every single TV in the airport MUST be tuned to CNN?
Oh, while I am on that topic how about a quick rant about CNN?
For two hours Friday while I waited for my plane all CNN talked about was the big Hillary and Obama unity festival. They talked about how they were dressed, how his tie matched her pant suit, how they were seated in relation to each other and what it all meant. I do not mean commented in passing, I mean IN DEPTH analyses of what it meant that his tie matched her pant suit!
This is *news*? This was just "Entertainment Tonight" only with politicians instead of celebrities. (a fine line there I know)
Then the Larry King show started so I thought cool, maybe something interesting will come on now. Nope, just more of the same; Still it did get interesting though, Larry King brought in two body language experts who deconstructed Obama and Hillary’s body language during their respective speeches. It was like John Madden football with the clicker, they would freeze frame and analyze hand gestures, facial expressions and body postures and compare them to the words spoken. After maybe 20 minutes of this both experts concluded that they were both being deceptive. They probably did not really like each other at all in spite of the verbal love fest.
What? WHAT? Politicians telling bold faced lies? On TV? In front of their supporters?
I. Am. Shocked!
Thank you Larry King for bringing this ground breaking never before known news to the airwaves! I never even suspected career politicians could be dishonest before. I am still just a little shell shocked at this glowing insight but I think I will be a better person for it in the long run so thank you Larry King!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Tire Store Scam
Stephanie over at Stephanie’s Soap Box made a post that reminded me of a story yesterday. She mentioned how she was sick of car shops trying to rip her off because she was a girl.
Now don’t get me wrong, they certainly do that. I remember last winter when our other room mate came home literally in tears because the shop said the noise she was hearing would cost $5,000 to repair and she was crying because she had no idea where she would get $5,000. She only paid $9,000 for the whole car!
Long story short I got involved and it ended up costing her $85. So I know it happens.
Still though, those unscrupulous bastards will try it on any one not just women! Before my now glorious career as a computer nerd ;) I was an aircraft mechanic and machinist. You can hand me most any aircraft part and I can duplicate it, no blueprints needed. Since many airplanes are pretty old there are many parts you just can’t buy anymore. That’s no problem if you have a Rob and a machine shop handy! :)
So, at the time of this story I worked for Braniff Airlines. Anyone remember them? They used to be a pretty big name. I used to volunteer to work the midnight shift since you could escape the Texas heat that way. I got off work at 8:00 AM.
Braniff also provided uniforms, dark blue pants and a light blue shirt with white ovals over each pocket, You know, one oval said “Braniff” and the other oval said “Rob”.
So my car needed new tires. I enjoyed working on airplanes for a living but it did not pay that well so I watched and waited and finally a big name tire store had a good tire sale. 30,000 mile all season radials for a mere 29.99 each! Oh yeah!
So after work early in the morning I am at the tire store just as they open with the sales flyer in hand. Since I just got off work I am in my ‘uniform’ and I am dirty and a little greasy. I mean this getup screams “mechanic” right?
I tell this guy I want these tires in the ad right here.
“Oh you don’t want those 30,000 mile radials what you want are the 80,000 miles radials for $90 each.”
“Well, the old T-bird already has 130,000 miles on her so I think 30,000 miles tires are all I will need.”
“Well, you know the 80,000 mile tires have lots better traction and maneuverability, blah, blah, blah” That was a lie because the harder, longer wearing compound does not grip the road as well as the shorter life tires do. Still I did not want to go down that road with him so I was still polite but I already had him mentally tagged as a liar. “No thanks I want these tires right here”
He just will not give it up! He just keeps trying and trying to get me to buy those higher cost tires. I finally had go, “Dude, NO, this is what I want, these RIGHT HERE”
“Ok, I see you are man who knows what you want, so can I interest you in a road hazard warrantee, only 14.99 per tire.”
“Why would I pay $14.99 insurance on a $30 tire?”
So we went round and round on that until I got fed up and said fine, “I’ll take one.“
“One?”
“Yes, I want to insure one tire.”
“But how will you know which one to insure. “
“It will be for whichever one is flat”
So he decided to drop that topic.
Customers are lined up behind me and they are getting frustrated waiting while I argue with this non stop champion of high pressure BS!
Then he starts in on high tech digital balancing for $10 a tire. It took 5 minutes to get him to give up on that. Then he started trying to sell me these super duper valve stems for like 8 bucks each. On each item he will not take no for an answer! Finally I started getting little anger dots floating before my eyes and I growled, “No, no no! Here, just throw the tires in the trunk and I will get someone else to mount them!”
So he FINALLY gets that I am not going to buy all that extra crap and he drops all the extras and just writes up the basics like I wanted to begin with. Seriously, this all took 10 minutes! People were lined up behind me and this doof took up their time when clearly I was not buying.
So, as I always do when I get new tires I wanted a front end alignment so he added that to the ticket.
“In about 15 minutes old slick called me back up to the counter. “Uh, Mr. Johnson, we have a little problem with your front end alignment”
I am already leery and weary so I said “Yeah?” with as much skepticism as I could put into the word thinking he may get the hint. Nope.
Oblivious he goes on, “You see, Ford built your car so that the front end was not adjustable. So in order for us to do your alignment we have to replace some parts so that your front end will be adjustable. It will run about $300”
Oh the anger dots are swimming now. Man I hate being lied too!
“Listen Slick, I have 130,000 miles on that car. Do you really think this is the first time the front end has needed alignment?”
Completely unfazed he flows right into anther line of absolute crap.
I finally said LOUDLY so that all the other customers could hear me, “Jeez man, LOOK AT ME! I am dressed in a mechanics uniform! Why don’t you save your clumsy lies for someone who does not understand EXACTLY what a liar you are? Forget the alignment - I will get it done at a reputable shop.” He is still not fazed! I saw him take in a breath to argue some more, can you believe it? Before he could speak again though I said with menace in my voice, "Do not say another word, ENOUGH!" The manager had heard me, (as did everyone else) so he came over and called off his attack dog. I told the manager the same thing, “Look at me! Why would you lie to someone dressed like me? Why? What is wrong with you?”
That was the most stressful money I ever saved.
So Stephanie I can really relate; if you do not know he is a liar that nonstop all encompassing BS must be persuasive, it must get to be overwhelming. If it is that stressful when you know precisely how much he is lying then I can only imagine how much worse it must be when you don’t really know about cars?
Now don’t get me wrong, they certainly do that. I remember last winter when our other room mate came home literally in tears because the shop said the noise she was hearing would cost $5,000 to repair and she was crying because she had no idea where she would get $5,000. She only paid $9,000 for the whole car!
Long story short I got involved and it ended up costing her $85. So I know it happens.
Still though, those unscrupulous bastards will try it on any one not just women! Before my now glorious career as a computer nerd ;) I was an aircraft mechanic and machinist. You can hand me most any aircraft part and I can duplicate it, no blueprints needed. Since many airplanes are pretty old there are many parts you just can’t buy anymore. That’s no problem if you have a Rob and a machine shop handy! :)
So, at the time of this story I worked for Braniff Airlines. Anyone remember them? They used to be a pretty big name. I used to volunteer to work the midnight shift since you could escape the Texas heat that way. I got off work at 8:00 AM.
Braniff also provided uniforms, dark blue pants and a light blue shirt with white ovals over each pocket, You know, one oval said “Braniff” and the other oval said “Rob”.
So my car needed new tires. I enjoyed working on airplanes for a living but it did not pay that well so I watched and waited and finally a big name tire store had a good tire sale. 30,000 mile all season radials for a mere 29.99 each! Oh yeah!
So after work early in the morning I am at the tire store just as they open with the sales flyer in hand. Since I just got off work I am in my ‘uniform’ and I am dirty and a little greasy. I mean this getup screams “mechanic” right?
I tell this guy I want these tires in the ad right here.
“Oh you don’t want those 30,000 mile radials what you want are the 80,000 miles radials for $90 each.”
“Well, the old T-bird already has 130,000 miles on her so I think 30,000 miles tires are all I will need.”
“Well, you know the 80,000 mile tires have lots better traction and maneuverability, blah, blah, blah” That was a lie because the harder, longer wearing compound does not grip the road as well as the shorter life tires do. Still I did not want to go down that road with him so I was still polite but I already had him mentally tagged as a liar. “No thanks I want these tires right here”
He just will not give it up! He just keeps trying and trying to get me to buy those higher cost tires. I finally had go, “Dude, NO, this is what I want, these RIGHT HERE”
“Ok, I see you are man who knows what you want, so can I interest you in a road hazard warrantee, only 14.99 per tire.”
“Why would I pay $14.99 insurance on a $30 tire?”
So we went round and round on that until I got fed up and said fine, “I’ll take one.“
“One?”
“Yes, I want to insure one tire.”
“But how will you know which one to insure. “
“It will be for whichever one is flat”
So he decided to drop that topic.
Customers are lined up behind me and they are getting frustrated waiting while I argue with this non stop champion of high pressure BS!
Then he starts in on high tech digital balancing for $10 a tire. It took 5 minutes to get him to give up on that. Then he started trying to sell me these super duper valve stems for like 8 bucks each. On each item he will not take no for an answer! Finally I started getting little anger dots floating before my eyes and I growled, “No, no no! Here, just throw the tires in the trunk and I will get someone else to mount them!”
So he FINALLY gets that I am not going to buy all that extra crap and he drops all the extras and just writes up the basics like I wanted to begin with. Seriously, this all took 10 minutes! People were lined up behind me and this doof took up their time when clearly I was not buying.
So, as I always do when I get new tires I wanted a front end alignment so he added that to the ticket.
“In about 15 minutes old slick called me back up to the counter. “Uh, Mr. Johnson, we have a little problem with your front end alignment”
I am already leery and weary so I said “Yeah?” with as much skepticism as I could put into the word thinking he may get the hint. Nope.
Oblivious he goes on, “You see, Ford built your car so that the front end was not adjustable. So in order for us to do your alignment we have to replace some parts so that your front end will be adjustable. It will run about $300”
Oh the anger dots are swimming now. Man I hate being lied too!
“Listen Slick, I have 130,000 miles on that car. Do you really think this is the first time the front end has needed alignment?”
Completely unfazed he flows right into anther line of absolute crap.
I finally said LOUDLY so that all the other customers could hear me, “Jeez man, LOOK AT ME! I am dressed in a mechanics uniform! Why don’t you save your clumsy lies for someone who does not understand EXACTLY what a liar you are? Forget the alignment - I will get it done at a reputable shop.” He is still not fazed! I saw him take in a breath to argue some more, can you believe it? Before he could speak again though I said with menace in my voice, "Do not say another word, ENOUGH!" The manager had heard me, (as did everyone else) so he came over and called off his attack dog. I told the manager the same thing, “Look at me! Why would you lie to someone dressed like me? Why? What is wrong with you?”
That was the most stressful money I ever saved.
So Stephanie I can really relate; if you do not know he is a liar that nonstop all encompassing BS must be persuasive, it must get to be overwhelming. If it is that stressful when you know precisely how much he is lying then I can only imagine how much worse it must be when you don’t really know about cars?
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