Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Adventures in Fast Food Land.

I went to Burger King today. We were all quite confused.

The girl thought I was a moron and the feeling was mutual for awhile there and it was all just simple miscommunication.

I don’t eat there very often so I don’t know the menu. So I see this “Angry Whopper” thing up on the big board and I have seen the commercials on TV so I know it is a hot and spicy burger.

I LOVE hot and spicy!

Being the petite and gentle thing I am though :) I don’t want a big giant whopper burger though so I ask if they have something smaller in the "angry line up". No, the whopper is all they have angry style. The next cashier down however offers that they can make any sandwich I like “angry style” so it’s not a problem. Cool.

So now I am looking at the menu looking for the little double cheeseburger thing everyone has but it’s always some cutsie name to make it different from the full sized double burger. For example Wendy’s calls their little one a “Double Stack” (how I know that is a blog post all it’s own)

So I am scouring the menu looking for their custie name and I am getting frustrated that I cannot find it and wishing I could just order a double cheeseburger and not have to play the “what did marketing decide to call it this year?” game. I finally asked the girl behind the register “What do you call your double cheeseburger?”

She just looked at me. She may have blinked a few times but she said nothing.

What the heck? The way this game is played is I ask a question in English you give me an answer, preferably in English as well. She is not playing right! After an awkward silence I turned to the other counter girl who had already been so helpful and asked her, “What do you call your double cheeseburger here?”

Without missing a beat she answered, “A double cheeseburger.”

Well f’ing duh! Now I am really feeling pretty stupid.

So why in the heck didn’t the first girl just give me the same answer instead of just staring at me when I asked her what they called their double cheeseburger? Did she think it was a trick question? When was the war of 1812? Who is buried in Grant's Tomb? How many survivors did they bury? Where do roosters lay thier eggs? What?

Perhaps she was like the video store girl? She was terrified of enraging the obvious psycho and was trying to select the answer least likely to throw me into a murderous rage and just chose silence? Then again this time I had taken a shower and everything so I did not look like a psycho. (???)

So I ordered the damned sneakily named double cheeseburger. She asked me if I still wanted it “angry”? Oh yes!

After all of that work though to get that little angry double cheeseburger it was a quite a letdown. It really needed some kick. It was not really angry at all.

At best, it was just annoyed. Perhaps a bit testy?

Somewhere right now there is a blog post about the moron who asked what do they call a double cheesburger.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

WTF Moments

Just few pictures from my collection- Things that make you say WTF!?

WTF #1

You have to think this guy is popular with the ladies right?

WTF #2

How come no one else is wearing a Halloween costume?

WTF #3

Isn't amazing how watching a good mom in action just warms your heart?

WTF #4

My only comment here is WTF!?

WTF #5

Do you know why there is a "Doctor" there in the middle of this group? Because he is going to treat their wounds after they get beat up in just a few minutes!

The next few are not really WTF's but they do make me giggle. I Hope you enjoy them too!

Truth in advertising....

Ok, guess what this is? Go ahead guess!

It's a Barbie-q!! Arrr arr arr! ( I crack me up!)

OK, now guess what this is... (click picture to enlarge so you can see it better)

Its a drag race! HA!

And for the closer... assuming this is not photo shopped I just adore the owner who had the cajones to put this up!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Stress Relief

As my long time readers know sometimes my job can get a little stressful. This post is a good example.

So for those occasions when you too are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals.
The funny thing is that it really does work well AND it will make you smile. (my favorite combination of things)

Read slowly, and visualize as you go along.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your arms dangling with your hands in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air above you.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under.

Just remember what we call stress actually is; Stress is your civilized mind over riding your bodies perfectly natural need to choke the living crap out of some total jerk who truly deserves it.

That is why this little exercise works so well!

Feeling better yet?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bad Date Movie!

Yesterday I went to see the movie, “He is just not that into you.”

It was my idea. I saw the trailers and I thought it looked funny so I actually wanted to go see it.

Uhhhh, clearly this is a TOTAL chick flick because this is the most lopsided male-female ratio I have seen in a movie theater audience since I went to see “P.S. I love You” with Erika.

I actually counted- there were three men in the audience including me.

This is not a good date movie. There is quite a bit of tension and awkwardness while male and female dating behaviors are dissected in all their glorious gory details.

Still it was a very funny movie- I laughed quite a bit. Sadly there was one part that just totally sent me into hysterics. I say sadly because apparently no one else thought it was funny. I was the only one laughing (and laughing and laughing). I knew I was alone but I could not stop! Thank goodness for small favors as at least I did not snort! I guess it was a “guy joke” and the other two guys there were smart enough NOT to laugh at the “guy joke” while swimming in a sea of angry estrogen.

Did I mention this is not a good date movie?

Still I laughed AND it was very thought provoking and in my book that is the perfect combination!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Uh oh!

Ok, this one cracked me up!

Since about 99% of my readers are women I hesitate to post this one- however, I just ask that you simply reverse the roles and I think it's just as true and just as funny that way as well. Enjoy! (or at least try to!)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Modern Parable

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, knowing there were many monkeys, went into the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

Then he announced that he would buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the villagers efforts and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man then announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

The assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when my boss returns, you can sell them to him for $50."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.

They never saw the man or his assistant again.

Now you have a better understanding of how the Wall Street Bailout Worked! It doesn't get much clearer than this.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This Just In...

Today the supreme court upheld it's long standing ruling that a fetus unable to support itself outside the womb is in fact legally abortable.

Legally abortable fetus John Johnson (shown below) is very upset by this ruling, "Just what in the hell do they mean I am legally abortable?"

Also in todays headlines, urban neighborhood terrorized by ask murderer! Film at 11.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Canada is not so bad after all, eh?

See, and we all use to make fun of places in Canada, of course being naturally crude my favorite Canada place name is Dildo in Nova Scotia. Since I am a history buff I know that is not actually dirty but it still gets a chuckle from me but then there is HaHa Bay Newfoundland, how could that not be funny!?

Of course, Intercourse Pennsylvania USA is a classic but I think the motherland has them all beat!

Check out the rest of the article for many, many more bizarre British place names right here at The New York Times- "No Snikering"

How can you not love a country like this? No wonder I grew up adoring Monty Python so much!

On an unrelated note, even though my paternal ancestors were from England and my maternal ancestors were from France I am NOT a British-American or even French-American- I'm just a plain old American mutt.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Now that is just F'd up!

Oh dear lord! The month of evil is surely upon us! Signs and portents people! When men shall walk upon the water the end is nigh!

Ice is something you make and put in your drink not a naturally occurring object! Something is very, very wrong here!

Hold me I'm scared!

(as always, click pic to see it full size)

Do you ever have those moments where you look back on on your life and wonder what in the hell went wrong?

I was going to be a famous fighter pilot THEN I was going to fly the space shuttle. (Before NASA screwed it all up that is) What the hell am I doing here living far enough north that people are freaking ICE FISHING basically in my back yard?! What is this- Canada?!

When oh when did my life go so horribly, horribly wrong? {sigh}

Mmmmmmm, power tools!

Ok, this one is a weeeeee bit on the sick side but it cracked me up. See what you think.

That's pretty twisted huh? {rim shot}

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Most Trusted Source on Television!

You will think I made this up since it is soooooo stupid but I swear it is the absolute truth!

I was watching a newscast recently and as they started the broadcast I was thinking this was a cool idea. They said, “Tonight in preparation for the digital changeover we are broadcasting digitally right now. So if you can see us right now you are ready for the digital change over. Call your friends and neighbors and tell them to watch us tonight so they too will know whether they are ready or not.“

Nice move to bump up viewership eh? But they continued, “However, if your screen has bars across it or you cannot see the picture then you are not ready for digital TV yet. If you cannot see our broadcast then call the 1-800 shown below.”

What? If you can’t see the screen then call the number on the screen!? C’mon, seriously, no one in the news room caught this? That is right up there with Les Nessman doing the news bulletin on his station that his station was off the air!

I swear, unlike Les Nessman on WKRP this story really happened though!