Ok, my sinuses are draining and we have been working these weird split shifts so my "biorhythms" are all off kilter and my sleep is spotty at best. Play your little violin for me Erika :)
Here, this graph may help explain....
In short, I am a bit pissy today so my (attempted) humor will be a little, more ummmm, hmmm the thesaurus does not seem to have a synonym for pissy so I will just have to stick with that word. In spite of the diluted vitriol spewed henceforth (aka piss), Hopefully, you will get a laugh, and perhaps go "ahhhh, never thought of it that way before" but I doubt it. In spite of our inflated opinions of ourselves we are very close minded and set in our ways. (myself included)
1) Miners TRAPPED in a mine are hero's? Really?
Uh, hello… hero's make a conscious sacrifice of their own well being (be it mental, physical, financial, etc) to help OTHERS. Not getting killed by a falling rock is not the stuff of hero's. By that bizarre standard we are all heroes who commute to work/ stores/schools every day and don't get killed in traffic. Hey, no one ran over me today- I'M A FEAKING HERO! WHOO HOO! Really?
Now the guys who probably worked very hard for very long periods of time probably very short of sleep and all the while coming up with creative and impromptu ways to keep their trapped brethren alive for all this time, THOSE guys are the hero's! Somehow I don’t think they will be on "The View" anytime soon. Really.
Which upon further review is probably a reward for being a hero after all. :)
2) "Chelsea Clinton's wedding, every girls dream come true" screams the glossy chronicles of the professional stalkerazzi from break room tables and newsstands everywhere. Really?
In this day and age of powerful, smart, educated women your "dream" is really represented by over sized wedding dresses, waiters in tuxes and horse drawn carriages?
These are your dream? Still? Really?
OK in June Cleavers day I could buy that but in 2011? Really?
Well guys, here is where clearly have a major break with women. We dream of scantily clad women and fast gorgeous machines. They (apparently) dream of themselves and everyone around them wearing layers upon layers of clothing and riding in painfully slow, extremely smelly transportation that was totally obsolete a freaking century ago.
No wonder divorce rates are so high.
3) Bicycle helmets? Really?
Average fatalities from bicycle accidents over the last couple of decades run right around 800 per year in the US. Of that roughly 800, I can find no stats for how many of those were from head trauma.
There is a statistically insignificant variation in those numbers from before we started wearing helmets as large percentages of riders and after.
Yet we all wear our utterly-impossible-to-make-any-more-dorky-looking-helmets because someone somewhere said we should (uh perhaps helmet manufacturers? Duh!?) and we all just do it like the mindless little lemmings our “education” systems have turned us into.
Slip and falls in bathrooms account for approximately 20,000 deaths per year in North America.
So we wear "safety gear" where the odds of fatality are minuscule.
But we DON'T wear a dorky helmet where the odds of traumatic death are 25 times greater. Really?
Personally, I plan to tap into this mindset. I am going to patent a really dorky looking helmet with a lightning rod and a trailing grounding wire and sell thousands of them to prevent the roughly 20 deaths per year from lighting strike in the US. Good old group think and peer pressure will make you buy them. BWUH-HA-HA-HA! Sorry I just could not contain the evil laugh any longer! Why if you dare even question the need for your own "death by lightning preventer" then you’re just stupid and you have no compassion! Oh if your religious then I will have to exploit that and tell you your questioning the need for my hat is proof of Satan's growing influence over your mind! SATAN BE GONE! BUY MY HAT!
Persuasive arguments huh? Oh I am gonna get sooooooo rich!
4)Speaking of math. So people STILL play the government lotteries? Really?
You know what a lottery is? It’s a tax on people bad at math.(Perhaps like dorky little helmets?) ‘Nuff said.
5) Democrats are the party of the people. Republican’s are the party of the corporations. Really?
A quick aside--- Now unlike that idiot on face book who wished I would *die* because she THOUGHT I was a McCain supporter (those touchy feely liberals don’t cha know, if you don’t agree with them you should *die*. Really? Can you feel the compassion, the inclusiveness? :) ) So before you even go there be aware, I‘m a libertarian and in my opinion no one worthy of the title of president has been on the ballot in decades. So don’t make assumptions. I am just making observations here hoping to make you see the situation from another perspective and maybe JUST maybe, just for a few seconds, I can get you to think outside the political box you settled into in your teens and have never dared stray out of for even a second since. (that is after all how I make my living folks! :) )
So here we go… the “party of the corporations” was in charge in 2001 and 2003 when the economy was failing; Especially after 9/11. So the “party of the corporations” sent economic stimulus checks directly to every American who filed income tax (even if they did not make enough money to pay ANY income tax, if they filed they got a check. In other words they sent millions upon millions of checks directly to “the people”
So then in the same situation last year the “party of the people” gave ¾’s of trillion dollars of stimulus money to… wait for it… corporations. Really! (BTW, how’s that working out for stimulus?) Yes, some of that money went to government agencies as well but not a single penny of that huge fund went straight to a “people” (sic) anywhere
THEN the “party of the people” passed a “health-care bill” that is going to take 2 trillion dollars over the next 10 years OUT of the pockets of “the people” and channel it into who’s hands? Oh yeah, big corporations! Big insurance and big pharma. You know, those entities you hated so much you wanted “government” health care in the first place to put those evil bastards out of business.
Now thanks to the "party of the people" those very same corporations will get even MORE of the people's money and just to pour a little salt into the wound, we the people no longer have any say in the matter.
Oh, on that note the “party of the people” passed that ugly piece of legislation when the majority of “the people” were opposed to it. (and now that we all have a better idea whats going on in that legislation even a larger majority of the people oppose it)
Party of the people. Really?
Ok, equal time please. Now let's talk about the self proclaimed party of "small government" and how they spent, spent, spent like the drunken whores that they are for 8 years. (Owww, my apologies to honest hard working whores everywhere. At least you EARN your living. You are far more respectable than the parasites that are our professional legislators )
OOooo god and here is my favorite. I just LOVE how the self proclaimed party of "Small Government, personal liberty and free markets" is repeating all the mistakes that history teaches us about the the horrible foul up that that was prohibition. Not only are they screwing up the exact same way repeating bad history but screwing up BY shooting the bird to their three (claimed) main principles at the same time. Really!
Let's review how prohibition, you know, government meddling in the free market while at the same time interfering with personal liberty created a vast black market that made very, very bad people so very rich they could buy the government. And those they could not buy off they murdered with impunity.
So we got smart and said ooops, that was a mistake. DO OVER! Repealed!
But the wealth the mob acquired during that period still has them in very powerful positions 80 years later. (Not to mention the enduring wealth of the Kennedy clan which was originally derived from Rum running)
Then 30 years later we just jumped up and did the whole prohibition thing again but with certain crops instead of ethanol. Really?
But who pushes it so hard today? Why "The party of personal liberty, small government and free markets that's who! Really!
They have chosen and continue to choose to ban certain very cheap crops. However, since the demand curve for those crops has not abated, just like demand for ethanol was not abated, and since the republicans willfully choose to impede the free market the supply curve raises it ugly head and what once cost pennies per bushel now costs dollars per gram. That kind of money on the black markets makes those evil enough to be willing to fulfill market demands at any cost (to others) very rich men. Now the drug lords run the Mexican border with impunity and their growing wealth will keep these evil people in power for generations to come.
Now they wipe out the the entire police force of a town in one night, they stockpile military grade weapons that make Al Qaeda look like the ranks armatures that they are.
But does the party of "Small government, personal liberty and free markets" every consider that perhaps they should actually live up to that mantra and stop all the suffering that defying their proclaimed goals is causing. Nope not for a second! Really!
In fact they just pile on and spend billions to reduce supply in the producing countries while again demand remains roughly the same. Holy compound interest batman! They are spending big government money to further suppress supply making the COST CURVE INCREASE AGAIN therefore further empowering evil men! My god, they can't understand the market forces they claim to support. really! My god the swirling vortex of stupidity, hypocrisy, and evil just grows and grows! It will swallow more and more of Mexico and Arizona until once again they repeal prohibition.
I could go on this tract for hours more folks pointing out where both major party’s stand in direct and often VERY loud contradiction to their stereotypes and/ or claims. However, none of us have that kind of time. i can't believe how large this post has grown already.
So all I ask is that you ALL stop being little lemmings and automatically hating OR loving a candidate based solely on the little D or little R that comes after their name.
You. Are. Better. Than. That. Really.
So here is my usual sign off but with a weary and pissy overtone, “Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day”
Oh PS, Libertarians are the only “party of the people” and "party of free markets, AND small goverments AND personal liberty in this country. So there! Thpppppppp! :0
After some sleep this weekend (and a slew of postponed housework) I should be closer to my more light hearted tone again.