Monday, January 10, 2011

How I hate Micheal Bay...

Seriously I don't know how this guy keeps getting work. Well I take that back, "Transformers" saved his career and yet the two transformers movies (so far) are pretty indicative of why he sucks so much.

You know movies/stories are supposed to manipulate your emotions to some degree but when done by a true artist you are never even aware you are being manipulated. Micheal Bay uses a sledgehammer and even puts a sign on the screen that says "Emotional manipulation technique 3A commencing NOW!" Then you are just setting there rolling your eyes going, "Really?"

In his film school efforts to manipulate our emotions he just WONT STOP! Action sequences are just waaay too long and just way too many things happen (that each last tool long). Eg In Armageddon it just went on and on and on and on and on; Space station blows up, (takes 20 minutes) shuttle crashes (takes 20 minutes to crash too!), burns up the drill,  show down over the bomb, FOUND A NEW DRILL!. space dementia  (eye roll!) and Steve Buscemi  goes nuts with the chain gun (Uh, BTW,  those were Mars rovers. Just what were they planning to shoot on MARS?)  Then remote detonator wont work, Shuttle engine wont start, then Bruce Willis cant even pull the trigger without yet ANOTHER "action" sequence! By the time Bruce Willis killed himself I was like "YES! FINALLY! Dear god thank you!! It's over.. or is it?! .... YES it really is!" and you break down weeping for joy in the theater. This is pretty much true of every film he makes. By the time it is over you are sick to death of the movie.

Oh and what the hell is the deal with all the camera shaking?  Is the fact that I can't see any thing supposed to make me think it is more "real" Gah. It started in the "The Rock" with the car chase between Nick Cage and  Sean Connery.  Then it went completely overboard (like anything Micheal bay) in "Pearl Harbor"

I read this story I read in a pilots magazine. When Bay made Pearl Harbor he went to the owners of many actual WWII aircraft and rented their very expensive museum pieces from them. (Not cheap) then he broke them down and shipped them to Hawaii and had them reassembled there. (Not cheap) Then he filmed many action sequences with the plane at Pearl Harbor. Then broke the planes back down, shipped them back and reassembled them.

So he spent a LOT of money to use authentic aircraft in his action sequences. So I read about this before the movie released and I was thinking, "This is gonna be cool!!"

Then he did the "shaking camera" thing to such an extreme you can hardly tell they are airplanes let alone be able to tell they are authentic. What kind of moron spends all that money and does all that work then does not let you SEE what he spent all that money to film? It's just boggling. (and if the shaking is that violent how could anybody operate the plane? GAH!)

On top of that - how can you possibly make a movie about Pearl harbor and make it BORING? He pulled it off.

So what set off this rant? He offended my nerdy sensibilities this weekend, They are running a trailer for Transformers III. Watch this trailer for it on YouTube. Pay attention to Walter Cronkite, They are now on the far side of the moon. Far side of the moon? Once you land on a given spot of the moon You can't move to the far side! The moon is tidally locked, it does not rotate in relation to the earth. Throughout all of human history we have ALWAYS looked up to he same side of the moon.

I mean this is not rocket science; Can we at least get the 4th grade stuff right? Wow.

So to cap it off- Apparently Sean Green feels about the same way towards Micheal bay as I do- Micheal Bay Parody (very short)

Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day!


tammy said...

Come on, tell us how you really feel ; )

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

@tammy - I am stunned to discover that I basically alone with my disgust of Michael Bay.

It seems Seth Green is the only other one! :)