Friday, June 10, 2011

Can you smell it?

The smell of genuine Redneck Brand Testosterone hanging thick and heavy in the humid heat of central Illinois?

Are you sure? It's pretty potent.

I remember when I was a kid, bicycles were pretty manly. I mean there was nothing misogynistic about it but they used to sell bicycles guys would like AND they sold bicycles that girls would like.Completely unlike the androgynous bicycle wasteland we live in now. Back then girls would put their stuffed animals in the wicker basket and boys would build ramps and jump over things and break bones like boys are supposed to do.

Look at this marvel of manliness from my childhood...

Oh Yeah, that is the shit buddy!
Note the springer front end, the seat mounted on shock absorbers, the big phallic gear shift. Note the manly  DRUM brake on the front wheel! No little sissy ass pencil erasers squeezing your wheel rim, no we actually had brakes back then! (I realize modern riders probably don't believe me but back in the day we ROUTINELY laid skid marks with our brakes that actually worked! No! Really!)

Then something happened and bicycles started to get all sissy like. In my opinion it started off with forcing kids to wear pads to ride their bikes. OH no! My precious baby-darling might get a scrape. OH the mental anguish of it all. {geesh!}

Then god forbid, men, already feminised with pads in their formative years, started wearing spandex pants and Styrofoam helmets. (spandex is like bikini bottoms, Totally awesome on the lovely sex, traumatizing to children of all ages on males!)

Manly bike helmet is an oxymoron. Then add spandex pants and you are talking a prison inmates dream date now!

Sorry I drifted, we were talking about testosterone right? Aha, here is the source of that lovely aroma!

Man Bike - Who needs testosterone supplements? Here ya go, pure Redneck Brand Testosterone. It's the hairiest!
MMMMMMMmmmmm good! Oh now THAT is a manly man's bike! Yeah baby! If you click the picture and zoom in its clear this is a home made job. Note the strategic use of electrical tape holding the coil to the frame and keeping the loose wires out of the way.

Looking at this picture just makes me feel good to live in a world where not EVERYONE has been feminized yet. There are still one or two free range men men scrabbling about. Thank God.

This is my kind of creative redneck folks.... and I'll betcha a dollar he does not wear knee pads!


Anonymous said...

Wow. I got an Apple Crate for my 12th birthday. I was never so proud of anything before or since.

My Dad paid a whopping $90 for it, which was an outrageous amount of money for a bike in 1969. His mortgage payment at the time was $110.

I had been complaining that everything I had ever had was a wornout hand-me-down from my brother. Guess he could relate, himself being the youngest of 10 kids. Could not believe at the time he would spend that kind of dough on ME.

Wow! What a great memory!


NerdyRedneck Rob said...

I am glad to be your memory dredge there buddy!