Assume The Position

I used to build up PC’s from scratch and sell them. At one time you could save a lot of money that way but these days Dell.com prices can not be beat piecemeal.

There used to be a store back home called CompUSA that I really liked, they had a wide variety of computer hardware at really good prices and I went there often, sometimes more than once per day.

As much as I liked them though they had this one really annoying practice; when you left the store they would cross check your receipt to the contents of your bag. Now there are some stores that have cashiers stands as far as the eye can see and who knows what you did between checking out and the door, so the bag checking thing makes sense in those stores, I still don’t like to endure it but at least it makes sense!

However this CompUSA had two, count them two, check out stands and they were both within 10 feet of the door. The guy checking your bag could see you clearly for all five of the steps you took from the cashier stand to the exit.

Ok, rules just for rules sake really, really annoy me. So, being the sharing kind of person that I am I felt the compulsion to share my annoyance with this stupid policy. As usual though, I made my point with humor. So I started with making sure I got the door "guards" attention after I checked out but before I picked up my bag. I would say to him, “Ok the cashier has my bag, I have not touched it yet” then I would pick it up and start walking towards him, I would keep saying, “OK, I have stuck nothing else in the bag; See, I’m not stealing anything… still not stealing…” as I walked towards him. Then when I got there and he started checking the bag I would say “OH man! I can NOT believe you are STILL gonna check my bag! You WATCHED me! How could I steal anything while you WATCHED me?”
“Sorry sir, store policy”

So to escalate the great receipt war I got to where I would just hand him the bag and then assume “the position” by the door.
“Sir, what are you doing?”
“Aren’t you going to frisk me?”
“Uh, no.”
“Why not? I mean only the shadow knows what I may have shoved into my pockets in the six steps between here and the register! I mean why is it that I could only invisibly shove things into my shopping bag and not into my pockets?”
“Uhhhhh, frisking is not store policy sir.”

I only “assumed the position twice”. The next time I came into the store the door guard was gone! I asked why the door was unguarded, I mean any second now a horde of mongels could break through and ransack the place and did they not feel naked with out the mighty door guard?

The cashier who by now knew me all too well told me that no, I had single handedly changed store policy. The local manager had sent security footage of my antics to corporate and they realized they were annoying the hell out of loyal customers for no good reason. Policy cancelled.

I did it! I did it with out anger or malice, without pickets or letter writing campaigns. Just acting out with my warped sense of humor made the world an infinitesimally less stupid place.

I am still proud.