Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I found it!

After reading Ohmommy's comment to yesterday's post (if you have not read that post read it now or this one won't make sense.) I decided to go look and see if I could find the video store girl's blog. I think this is it...


So I was working at the video store Sunday morning. Sunday morning is my favorite shift because no one ever comes in. So I can just basically stare off into space or listen to the radio or even watch movie trailers all morning and get paid for it. Sweet!

However, for the first time this last Sunday I was really regretting how empty the store is on Sunday mornings! You see, right then Nick Nolte walked in.

Ladies, I do not mean hot, young "The Deep" Nick Nolte. Nope, not even scruffier but still reasonably hot "48 hours" Nick Nolte. Nope, I mean 4 AM mugshot after shooting Yeager bombs and riding in what he calls his time machine but the rest of us call a clothes dryer all night long Nike Nolte!

He was scruffy and dirty and he just looked wild and he was walking right towards me! Then horror of horrors I realized it was NOT Nick Nolte after shooting Yeager bombs and riding in his clothes dryer! It must be some crazy homeless dude wondering in! I was totaly freaked out as he came walking straight towards me! Oh my god! What do I do? Where can I hide?

He walks right up to the counter and sets down a DVD, The Other Boleyn Girl. I am thinking "What the hell is a crazy homeless dude doing with the The Other Boleyn Girl?" Did he find it and want a reward? Then he said he owes late charges on it. What? Why in the hell would a crazy homeless dude rent The Other Boleyn Girl.? He must really be out there so now I am really scared!

With shaking hands I scan the movie, it is legit and it is one day late. Trying to hide the fear in my voice I say "That will be $2.60 sir" while brutally suppressing the urge to say "tree-fiddy" (only South Park fans will get that one)

Have you ever tried to count out change with one hand? I did because I had the other hand on the silent alarm the whole time! Through the fog of terror I realize he is speaking while I am trying to count with one hand. Is that a joke? Oh my God is this insane man-monster actually flirting with me!? OOOoooooo, don't make eye contact- don't make eye contact- what ever you do NOT make eye contact! Should I smile at this flirty joke? I don't know, that might encourage him, but if I ignore him he might become enraged and kill me right here! Oh dear god what ever you do DO NOT give this psycho the eye roll he so richly deserves! I am so petrified I can't do anything!

Oh thank the Lord he is leaving without killing me. Doing nothing seemed to have worked. Oh man, that was a close one! For the first time in a minute I remember to breath. BUT right as he was at the door he stopped, turned towards me again and it was at that point I KNEW he was a total pyshco! He asked me, "Oh, I am doing a survey for a federal grant, are you by any chance coo coo for Cocoa Puffs?"

OMG! What kind of trick question is this? Is he going to flip a coin and kill me depending on my answer? I really tried to say, "No." but I was too terrified to speak. I just stared at him while trying to make my mouth say the word "No". After a few seconds he smiled, shrugged and walked out.

For the second time in as many minutes I remembered to breath

For the first time I am totally jealous of my friend Brittany who works at Wal-Mart. They have security guards there!


tammy said...

ROFL! Now you can really freak her out and leave her a comment on her blog.

Callsign Echo said...

LOL Surely you are at least as hot as 48 hours Nick Nolte.


Kat said...

LMAO you've got a great sense of humor Rob. That Brittany part made it almost too real ;)

Robin said...

LOL! However I don't think you could really find a young girl that even knows that Nick Nolte was once good looking. That was a LONG time ago!

OHmommy said...

Oh man....

I am LMAO right now so hard that the kids are wondering what happened to their mother at lunch.

Astrogirl426 said...

Yeh, Robin has a point. The Deep came out in '77; *I* was 5 when it came out, so I doubt some chicky working at the video store part time during summer vacay would know it (well, unless she was a Nolte fan, which is more disturbing).

Also, there were *way* too few misspellings and grammatical errors for that to have been written by a young' un. And not nearly enough "OMG"s or "WTF?"s. There, now that I've maligned everyone under the age of 18... :)

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Tammy- Yeah that and start hanging out at the video store A LOT. {evil grin}

Callsign Echo- Uh, well at least I don’t cuss as much?

Kat- Who would have suspected she actually knew Brittany-fish? (and thanks!)

Robin- Maybe she was a history major? Which also explains her ‘career’ - ZING! :)

OhMommy- Hey now, don’t try to put the blame on me! :)

Astrogirl- I am so hurt! 1) You suspect *me* of dishonesty? 2) I would *never* flirt with a high school girl outside of MySpace! ;) :)

Crazymamaof6 said...

that is HILARIOUS!i am thinking you have too much time on your hands lately!

Stacey said...

Oh my Christ that's funny. You totally had me until the coo coo for cocoa puffs and Brittney. I must be getting slow in my old age.

Charlene said...

i wanted to stop in and say thanks for the thoughts while dad was in the heart hospital~he is now in local hosptial for stroke therapy and mom's dr called this afternoon with the bladder cancer has not returned~so today sucks a little less~~thanks

Dizzy Ms. Lizzy said...

You are a sick, twisted individual . . . but I like that in a person! :-)

Andie said...

You just totally made my day!

that is classic.

Beth said...

you are so warped and just a little disturbing...but like Dizzy, I like that in a person! ;)