Crazy Momma asked last week what embarrassing things have your kids said.
One time when Brian was like four we were on the 12-hour drive back to where my family lives for a big Christmas to do. While we thought he was asleep in the car seat the wife and I were up front gossiping and probably giggling.
When we got home everyone was there and since Brian was the baby all the family was going ga ga over him and really pumping up his ego. You know how kids love to show boat right? So he is hamming it up knowing he is the center of all attention. He walks up to my sister and in a nice loud voice says, "Aunt Celeste, what is a slut and why does Daddy call you that?"
All the laughter instantly stopped replaced by an awkward deafening silence.
Now, everyone in the room knew she was a slut (at the time) but I got so many lectures from aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents about how I should never talk that way in front of the child! For five years after that my standard refrain was "I know, I know! I thought he was asleep!"
There was one other time he really embarrassed me but this one was not my fault. You have to set the WABAC machine for this one...Little Rock Arkansas, end of the 80's.
My first computer was a Commodore 64. Yes, an ENTIRE 64 kilobytes of storage! Can you imagine? It was awesome! It had a cassette tape drive that you would load programs from or save things too. It was very cheap; I mean blank cassettes cost nothing back in the day! :) Besides the whole system cost me $199 brand new from Sears.
The down side to tape was that it was no faster at data than at music so it would take a half hour to start loading a game then you had to turn the tape over and load from the other side.
So, I saved up and bought a 5 1/4 inch floppy drive. If memory serves me it held a 112 k. (128k minus overhead) This was a HUGE deal at my house. That disk drive cost $199 the same as the whole original system had cost. However, it would load a game in 5 minutes instead of 45! Now that is POWER! Bwuh ha ha! I believe I literally danced in the front room at the pure glee of such awesome processing power!
Like I said it was a huge deal I was like a kid at Christmas. So I announced I was going to Sears to buy a game on FLOPPY DISK instead of tape! "Fine, take Brian with you." "Ok, c'mon little buddy, lets get a floppy disk game! Yeah!"
Brian was a toddler then. Still in diapers and still had a cute little baby lisp. He really could not say "S's" yet.
So we are at Sears in the computer department looking at games. There is another lady there in the aisle too. Brian was always a friendly kid so he wanted to share the big news too. He wanted to tell the nice lady about our amazing new floppy disk drive. However, he had that problem with making the S sound.
So he walks up to the lady, tugged on her skirt, she turned a smile down at him and was all ears. Then he said, "Hey lady, my daddy has a floppy dik." (diSk without the S)
This lady did not say a word but her smile at the cute toddler was slowly replaced by the glare she turned on me. That glare seemed to say, 'What the hell are you doing with this child!?'. Oh dear lord I instantly felt my face flush, I mean I could feel the heat radiating from my face! The adrenaline hit and I started to stutter on about how he means DISK - DISK! He can't say S's yet I swear! I was so flustered I know I was looking guilty!
We immediately left without buying a game and for weeks I waited for the knock on the door from family services.