Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Dough Boy

As I have been surfing around this week I have noticed the NaBloPoMo award on several sites. I thought it was odd to use the Pillsbury Doughboy as a blogger award but something caught my (admittedly bizarre) eye. In all of these years I never had noticed it before but now it’s clear to me.

I mean just look at these pictures… look at the scarf, look at the body language and posture, look at how the trim on his hat matches his eyes for goodness sake! The Pillsbury Doughboy is clearly gay! If he had feet you just KNOW he would have some very stylish color coordinated shoes!

Oh, OH! NOW I understand that whole “Poking the doughboy” thing in all the ads! OMG! All this time that whole ad campaign was just a big metaphor! Those brilliant and probably gay copy writers back in the 60’s were able to get all that sub text past the censors! No seriously think about it. We all know women love gay men so what better Icon to appeal to women than a gay doughboy? I mean you can even poke him now and then if you want too and he does not mind. It's all brilliant!

Ok, so you all think I am crazy right? Well here is proof. Here is the Doughboy living the gay lifestyle and trying to hook it up with the Jolly Green Giant. I know what you are thinking, "No way Jolly Green is gay!", right? Heck, just look at Jolly Green's face, clearly he knows the score here. Now look at those pecs and all the leg he is showing in that jungle man getup. Yep, clearly gay! (and don't get distracted by the butch lesbians in the background!) Now you may be wondering what someone would see in a green leafy guy but I have heard some folks say, he may be green but he is giant and sometimes giant is enough!

And here look at this... I know the other men in this picture probably just thought it was a good publicity stunt to pose with this American Icon. The old doughboy is no fool though. Just like Monica everyone wants to get freaky with people of power and the old Doughboy is no exception! Just look at where the Doughboy's hands are heading! My, those hands just have a mind of their own, don't they Doughboy? Rowwrr! Bad Doughboy Bad! {winky-winky}

You know, I don't have any inside information but I think it would be obvious that the Doughboy would be attracted to the Michelin man as well? Don’t you? They were made for each other, am I right?

Anyway, as we all know, sadly, there was a time in this country that you could not be an openly gay man in public life. So like many other great gay men before him Doughboy had to take on a sham wife to provide cover for his real lifestyle. Do you see that look on his face? See where his hands are? Clearly he does not know what to do with her!

Even though it was a sham marriage I can’t help but wonder if she ever caught any yeast infections from him?


Tanya said...

I think that someone over-anaylizes things. But it totally made me laugh.

You never did answer the question of why NaBloPoMo uses the Doughboy.

Rob said...

>>someone over-anaylizes things<<

Hmmm, let me think about that for a few days...

Laughing is good though!

>>why NaBloPoMo uses the Doughboy.<<

I am just guessing that everyone that participated was very HAPPY the month was over and since happy = gay, well there ya go! :)

Andie said...

hahahahaha funny.

Melissa said...

I think I'll stick with Kraft Foods ;)

Kat said...

Great theory. The Doughboy always struck me as a bit too happy and as you said happy=gay. Hehe that just made my day.

Rob said...

Andie - Thanks for dropping by!

Melissa - How narrow minded of you! ;)

Kat - Theory? Theory? Girl, I made the case! How much evidence do you need?? I mean I did not even get to the little giggle he made whenever he was poked!

Manic Mom said...

I wish you could hear the laughter I am creating right now. Yeast infections! The Michelin Man! The Jolly Green Giant! The Dough Boy. My face hurts from laughing so much!

Hilarious! Thanks!

Taj said...

I can't even begin to tell you how many ways I love this post!

It's like your me minus the redneck and the big guitar. ;)

It's really no surprise he named his kids Popper and Bun Bun then.(Really, he had kids!)

Rob said...

Manic and Taj - Since both of you crack me up so regularly the fact that you enjoyed it really means a lot to me.

Taj - Popper and Bun Bun?! OMG! How could my investigative reporting have possibly missed THAT? That is a full post worth of material right there! :)

OHmommy said...

Seriously.... STOP. I can't take it. I rushed my husband over and tried to read this post to him while trying to control my laughter. OMG, yeast infection! The Jolly Green Giant's face. I can't take it.

Thanks for the comment! I need to sign off and e-mail everyone in my address book this post.

What a good day it is!

Andrea said...

You're just now figuring this out? I've known for years!

According to his ex-wife, they only consumated the marriage once just to "try it out". It was a marriage of convenience for both of them, because she had a thing going with Midge.

Thanks for the visit, the words of encouragement, and the entertainment!

Anonymous said...

Hey, this was such a funny post.

I published it for you. You should be getting major hits on it pretty soon.

Sauntering Soul said...

He's probably a "roll" model for gay men all over the world.

Pixie said...

Very funny.

loved the last sentence.

Not sure about Mr Bibbendum (real name of the Michelin man, she said showing off!)as to his sexuality. He's sitting on my windowsill in the bathrom right now. I'll go ask him and get back to you sometime!!

Rob said...

Ohmommy - How can I stop now? I just discovered this blogging thing and I have now found an outlet for all the bizarre thoughts that go through my mind! I don't have to laugh alone anymore! YAH!

Andrea - “I've known for years!”

Well, Andrea, my nerdy half can be quite oblivious to all things human so I clearly missed it.

But you are welcome on all counts!

Annon - Thanks and Thanks.

Sauntering - LOL! - Way to get into it! {clapping hands}

Pixie - You’re showing off worked, I'm impressed! I am dying to know what Mr. Bibbendum says!

Jules said...

This killed me. SO funny! I think, if you don't mind me adding my thoughts to this, that the Doughboy was used as a symbol of celebration that NaBloPoMo (NaDoughPoMo?) was over, thereby alerting the world that it's time to post less and poke your favorite blogger more.
And I'm not even going to talk about the innuendo of his dough rising....
Or something like that.
House of Jules

Rob said...

Jules - "if you don't mind me adding my thoughts to this,"

Are you kidding? Jump on in anytime!

"of his dough rising...."
Oh! {applause!} How did I miss that line? It's perfect!

OHmommy said...

Dear Rob,

Your welcome, and your welcome. Looking forward to sharing some more laughs outloud with you.

You are funny,

OHmommy said...

I meant...

You are welcome, you are welcome.

Sorry - had an infant in my lap.

Amy said...

ButterMom sent me.

I'm glad I came. This was just hilarious.
Now excuse me while I let all my friends know about your highly amusing post.

Anonymous said...

nerdy redneck,

the doughboy is definitely gay...

i have a soft spot for nerds.

nerdy rednecks are a whole new world for me though...

kay said...

a yeast infection.

you crack me up!!!!

Don Mills Diva said...

Here via Buttermom. Hilarious post - loved it!

Pixie said...

Mr Bibbendum, on reflection prefers looking at the girls that use the bathroom he lives in, rather than the young men with attitude.
So he's claiming that the dough boy is of no interest to him.!!!
pix x

Rob said...

OhMommy – Seriously, you are going to have to do more than blow a contraction around here before you have to correct your self. I regularly use “fixin’ too” in sentences so what’s a few apostrophes among friends? :)

Amy – Thank you so much!

Kris – We are an odd breed. Also, never forget “redneck” has several connotations. I am not a hater type redneck. I am more the laid back, simple man kind of redneck; uhhh, just think of Forest Gump without the charm or the looks!

Kay – I wondered where you and your sister had been! So glad you made it and liked it!

Diva – Thank you! That is two references to “buttermom”. I must find out what this is. A single word with so many connotations! Right now with my imagination is running amuck on a Saturday night (Jules knows how I fade in and out) I can’t decide if it arouses me, comforts me or makes me hungry!

Pixie – Well, I am glad we have that settled. Well then I do hope he will take the Doughboy’s interest the same way I did when I was younger and gay men would express interest. I always felt complemented but simply not wired to receive (I’m an outie not an innie)

Karen MEG said...

I came over via Buttermom... you are hilarious. I always figured the Green Giant was gay... I mean, green tights and all. But it never occured to me about doughboy. Deep thoughts...

Smitty76 said...

This is hilarious! And just what I needed this long, boring afternoon! LOL

Rob said...

Karen - Yeah, with perfect hindsight the signs were always there about old Jolly Green eh? Jolly=gay? Maybe the copywriters were always spoofing us with that one too? HO HO HO. :)

Smitty – I am so glad I could help move your afternoon along! :)

Rachel said...

Oh my word! That was brilliant!! I found you through a recommendation on Buttermom's page. You are a riot!
This was absolutely hysterical!!

Mr Lady said...

Word. Up.

Rob said...

Rachel - I am so glad you enjoyed!

Mr. Lady - Sorry, I don't speak very good "urban". About the only word of urban I understand is 'ax', as in "Can I ax you a question?"

(Uh, recent head line - "Urban Neighborhood Terrorized by Ask Murderer!"

BTW - You have the funniest "about me" I have read yet!

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The Onion said...

Dude, as i said on another post: You are WRONG on a lot of levels...but I dig.

My Gaydar is right on and I don't think the Michelin Man is gay. I think he is the PDB's dad. Didn't you notice the resemblance? The Stay-Puft Marshmallow man is his uncle.