Friday, April 15, 2011

Another Military Story (sorta)

So one day I was working on the rudder (foot) pedals of a fighter. The ejection seat was out so I was laying on the floor where the seat would be with my head up under the "dash"

Climbing into a fighter is much like mounting a horse, you swing a leg up over the canopy sill and step down into the cockpit. So the crew chief, a rather portly fellow, decides to climb in. He did not check to see if *I* was there first though so he swings a leg up and over the canopy rail and plants a boot right into in my groinal arena!

Oh my descendants!

I set up fast and wanged my head on something under the 'dash'.  Then I laid back down and moaned for a minute. We all had a good laugh at my expense and went back to work. You know, both heads were injured in one accident ha ha ha ha! I was moving slower than before though.

About 15 minutes later I had to use the restroom. When I peed it was pretty dark. Blood in the urine, uh oh.

Long story short some blood vessels were ruptured in the sackal region and one side flooded with blood and distended.

Oddly enough, I came to learn this is a VERY common condition in the Air Force but its generally happens to pilots under high g loads.

After a few more follow ups it was confirmed that I was, in the words of my doctor,  rendered sterile.
So fast forward about 7 years. My wife gives me the supposedly happy news that she is pregnant. She is confused that I am not happy. "I'm sterile ya know. So who got you pregnant?"

Well needless to say this set off a marital crises. So it turns out sterile is a relative term. I am technically sterile but I still have some squigglers so a better term than 'sterile' would be "low probability". Of all people you would think doctors would use more descriptive language, right?

So when "the boy" turned up, there was no doubt what so ever that I was the father. He is my clone. The only thing he really got from his mother was his full thick facial hair. Wish I could grow a beard like that!


Lap Band Gal said...

Thx for all the comments on my blog today. And to answer your question about male attention, yes, it seems to happen often. It's a very very new phenomenon for me and it's still fun, unless it comes from creepy old men. LOL

tammy said...

Oh that is funny!

(and I'd been wondering where you'd been lately)

Sandra said...

OMG I'm howling! Squigglers...if I use that term tonight, my husband will definitely know I'm off stalking!

Logcpt said...

That is too funny.

I sincerely hope my son inherits my mother-in-laws facial hair. I can barely grow a mustache while she makes Chewbacca look clean shaven.