Saturday, January 5, 2008

Plumb the depths...

Ok, you may not like it but here is a trip through the bizarre thought processes that are my life and how my mind jumps tracks from one topic to another.

I was out running errands today.

After the garlic robe post and all the comments I thought I should get a micro-plane while I was out. Then I thought if I am going to buy one I really should get it from Sauntering since she sells them. I mean I am the type of guy that will route business (even if it is small) though friends. Then the thought hit, well how would that work without her thinking I might be a creepy internet stalker dude?

So I am thinking yeah but I am NOT a creepy internet stalker dude but how would anyone else know that? I mean as Taj and Jules have repeatedly and gleefully pointed out I am just perverted enough to maybe be a creepy internet stalker dude.  :)

Then I realized I just don't have commitment, the drive, the sense of dedication needed to be a creepy internet stalker dude! I mean that would just be a HELL of a lot of work; traveling all the way to another city then hanging out waiting to just to maybe catch a glimpse. Then following her through traffic. Spending hours and hours sitting in darkened cars waiting for something to happen. Then horror of horrors what if she went to the mall? Like any creature bearing testicles I despise the Mall! What if I had to follow her around the mall for hours while she {gasp} "browsed"! Oh God the torture of it all!

Seriously, someone needs to teach stalkers time management. I mean the whole process is just incredibly inefficient. I think I could write a program that would effectively graph out the inherent inefficiencies in the process.

Then reality hits and now I am kinda bummed that I simply lack the drive and determination to be a successful creepy internet stalker dude. How conflicted is that? I mean I could be bad if I just was not so very, very lazy. :(

All of that mental waste sprung forth unbidden simply from thinking about stopping and getting a micro-plane. {sigh}

18 comments:

Sauntering Soul said...

Ha! Wow, I had no idea my mentioning I sell Pampered Chef could ever lead to someone spending so much time contemplating the lack of efficiency of stalkers. I feel guilty for wasting so much of your time.

But what I'm really wondering is this: did you get the microplane grater while you were thinking about all of this stalker business? If you are interested in buying one from me, I've been stalked before so I know how to handle it if you turn out to be one. I'm really not worth stalking though. :-)

Sauntering Soul said...

P.S. You wouldn't have to worry about me browsing a mall for hours. I hate going to the mall. I also hate dancing. And I despise talking on the phone. I think I might really be a man.

Rob said...

Don't feel bad! My mind would have just gone down some other equally bizarre and pointless path anyway if it were not about the micro plane!

No I did not get one. I figured this was a good way to make the point without the whole creepy internet stalker dude factor coming in to play!

BTW, do you any idea how cherished you are among men? We are always talking to each other about finding a women like you describe. (no shopping, dancing or endless phone calls!)

Click my e-mail link and we will work out getting a micro-plane.

Melissa said...

Crap, I think I'm a man, too. Does this mean I have to get a grandpa robe? ;)

I'm amazed to find that you have voices in your head, Rob. I seriously thought that was just a woman thing, now I know that men are just as crazy as we are. Whew, that's a relief!

Anonymous said...

And this explains why you wait in a running, silent car for 1/2 an hour while I have the pleasure of "browsing" at the GROCERY STORE!!! (but I do appreciate the "company")
-Erika

Rob said...

Melissa - You mean women in general are as crazy as I am? Scary! :) Oh, and no Grandpa robe! Men never sit around wishing women would wear more clothes! :)

Erika - See? This is just what I was talking about! She how much more efficient the whole stalking process is if I just drive you to the store myself!

Travis Erwin said...

Go get the plane it will make you feel better.

Crazymamaof6 said...

that is alot of thinking about something just to get to the buying of a microplane. and you drove Erika to the grocery store? and sat in the car? what a man. i hope you loaded the groceries into the car and then into the house. that is why i let my husband wait in the car for me too. no need for help out of the store, i keep my help waiting in the car.

and i am not a man i am a mall browsing, woman. do try to avoid stalking me, it will probably bore you to death.

Jules said...

You are the perfect amount of perverted, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently!
Jules
House of Jules

Rob said...

Travis - I am working on it!

Crazymama - Yep, I can't stalk you then; you will loose me for sure in the mall! :)

Jules - Awwwwww. How sweet! I think I might get a T-shirt made that says, "I am just the perfect amount of perverted!"

Kat said...

Is this reverse psychology? In telling us you're too "lazy" to be a creepy internet stalker dude you are actually a creepy internet stalker dude? Nah!
You are an alpha geek but no creepy internet stalker dude cuz geeks know how to pass their time with something meaningful.

Rob said...

Damn Kat! You are just way too sharp for me! You saw right through it! :)

kay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kay said...

Stalking 101 taught by Rob the Nerdy Redneck

In this course you will learn how to be efficient in your stalking tendencies. You will learn how to increase your stalking drive and determination. We will cover topics such as how to stalk at the mall and ways to pass the time while sitting in a darkened car.

(get a micro planer. they rock!)

Rob said...

Kay, that comment was too funny! Bravo! I love it!

Taj said...

Perfectly perverted. Perverted perfectly?

Tanya said...

How did I miss this post? Wow, I am slightly scared now. Rob is an internet stalker. :) A lazy one though, so I guess that means we're safe.

;)

lisa's chaos said...

Since SS linked to you so many times in one post, maybe she's the stalker. :)