Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Urban Blight - A Nerdy Redneck special report.

Teddy Bear Junction, Illinois, USA.

Teddy Bear Junction used to be the kind of place where Teddy Bears would have picnics, play hide and seek, Simon Says and freeze tag with maybe a little stick ball thrown in now and then.

It was a happy idyllic place where human children were welcomed with love to join in the Teddy Bear games!

Sadly though the teddy bears got a little too easy going with the pixie dust and the decline started. Eventually the younger teddy bears turned to gangs and between the street gangs and the drug lords the dream that once was Teddy Bear Junction is now a horrid nightmare.

Teddy bears and human children once had a special bond of love and trust. Now the horrible existence of life in Teddy Bear Junction has made the teddy bears mean and hateful of the humans they once loved and who loved them in return. The teddy bears refer to that one-time love as their "slave period".

From the current teddy bear perspective, they were forced to sleep with humans against their will and as if that were not bad enough the humans would also strangle and crush poor teddy slaves in their sleep! Oh the teddy bear carnarge was at times mind boggling.

Now things have gotten so bad in Teddy Bear Junction, the criminals are now so firmly in charge, that they brazenly hang dead bodies on telephone poles to mark their turf as a warning to any who would dare challenge their brutal rule.

If their fellow teddy bears are not safe, humans, now seen as enslavers and wanton bear abusers, had best not cross this "line of death". In fact, this reporter, even though he was ingeniously disguised (see below) was chased several miles after snapping this picture and nearly did not escape with the picture or his life.

I found out the hard way that even in disguise the teddy bear warlords can spot a human by their smell.

So take my warning seriously people, Teddy Bear Junction has become a hive of scum and murder. Stay away and for God's sake keep your children away!


Cheeseboy said...

Man, you are totally freaking me out! Is that a real teddy bear death tree?

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Yeah Cheesboy it is a little freaky. I have no idea what it really is but as soon as I saw it I turned around to snap a pic of it. I knew there was a blog post there! :)

ITdork said...

Humble beginings of the next Michael Myers.

Beth said...

I love teddy bears....this makes me sad.

tammy said...

Poor lil teddy bears. How'd the Cat in the Hat end up on the pole I wonder?

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

@Tammy - The cat in the hat Wondered into the wrong turf!