We all have hero fantasies. Of course, one of mine has always revolved around the pilots on an airliner being incapacitated and I step forward and fly everyone to safety. I could never quite decide if I wanted Leslie Nielson on board or not though.
Today I finally got a chance to be a hero although no food poisoned flight crew were involved.
We were having a team meeting and someone carries in two dozen donuts and sets them on the table. Everyone starts to moan and groan things like, “Oh no, my diet!”, “What were you thinking to bring such temptations here?”, “Do you know how many Weight Watchers points that is?” or “Ugh, that will five miles on the treadmill tonight!”
Aha! Seeing my opportunity I jumped up and with a wide stance I placed my hands firmly upon my hips, thrust my chest outward, held my head up high and said in my best Tony the Tiger voice, "I’ll save you!" My only regret at the time was that my shirt tail was tucked in so I could get no cape effect whatsoever.
Then I grabbed those doughy little ringlets of evil and threw them out the window thus feeding the poor freezing birds and preventing unwanted weight gain among my coworkers! Win win!
I turned back to my teammates virtually swelling with pride for my double good deed and anxiously awaited their profuse thanks for saving them from the circlets of doom.
Now get this! They were all PISSED and not at the guy who brought a 6 year supply of bad carbs but at *me*! What? Just a second ago they did not want the donuts now they do want them. Somehow not only I am not a hero but I am a big selfish jerk to boot!
I just don’t get humans!