Thursday, April 24, 2008

Bad Day!

Ok, work really had me stressed out Wednesday morning. I never used to be stressed out. It’s just not my nature; I am just a pretty laid back guy. These state contracts can be lucrative but they seem to be getting to me.

I would tell you all about it but I would hate to see you all start nodding off at all the gory detail on the political infighting of entrenched bureaucracy. I’ll just sum it up by saying that by lunchtime on Wednesday I had a tic in my left eye. Now I always joke about getting a tic but this time I actually had a physically uncontrollable tic in my left eye! Creepy!

Upon seeing my eye, the lady I work with said, “C’mon, time to get outta here, let’s get lunch.” So we went to Pizza Hut. I was sitting there ranting about the day so far with her while eating some pizza and then I bit my cheek.

Oh not just any old nip of the cheek- I got a solid bite on it. In fact, I could tell by the way my teeth pressed through the flesh that it was not pizza I just cut through before I even felt the pain. It felt like a piece of tender steak. I had a chance to think - Oooooo, that's gonna hurt before it even hurt!

I poked a nice hole into my check and a big flap of meat was hanging loose. Yeah, I was done eating and I spent the rest of the afternoon with my tongue holding the flap of meat down so it would heal. Ever try to bandaage the inside of your cheek? They don't stick very well.

Not too long after that as I had the bleeding under control :) I went to blow my nose. I picked a napkin up off the table and blew normally. I saw it a millisecond before it went in.

You know the pepper sprinkles (seeds) pizza joints always have? I love them! I always use them. I even have a shaker at home! Well, I guess a flake or two of red pepper seed got onto my napkin, then when I blew my nose a seed shot right up the crack between the napkin and my nose and went right into my right eye!

I blinked and the seed got under my lower eyelid. I start tearing up trying to blink it out from under the eye lid. I can feel it kinda scratchy under there and it’s starting to burn. I jumped up and headed to the bathroom with just one eye to use the mirror and sink to fish it out but someone is in there and it’s locked.

Now the tears are coming hard and heavy and it’s really burning- bad.

So here I am standing in a dimly lit and dirty bathroom alcove in the sprawling metropolis of Springfield with a bleeding hole in my cheek and my eyes watering like crazy with no where to go.

Then, in the midst of pain, blood and tears, I had a flash back and an epiphany- when I was small and in Catholic School the nuns use to tell us boys that when we touched our selves it made the baby Jesus cry. They also taught us that Jesus would always forgive us if we asked.

So right there in that dingy Pizza Hut alcove I took the chance to say to Jesus, I am really sorry for making you cry so often. I now realize that my middle teen years must have been pretty rough on you having to cry so much. So now I am asking forgiveness, so please, I hope you will not continue to make me cry in return.

Just in case though, today I shook my napkin out quite thoroughly before blowing my nose.


Crazymamaof6 said...

giggle and snort! OH MY GOSH! hilarious. sounds like it was a bad day for you but man it makes my blog post poop running down my leg while i change a diaper look good. man pepper in your eye! thanks for that. i needed a good cackle today!

Beth said...

do my tears count?.....god that's funny!!!! sorry about all your pain, but that. is. funny!!!!

tammy said...

It's either that or you have PMS. I always bite my cheek, get really clumsy, and have irritating crap happen when I have PMS.

And dang it! She beat me again!

Taj said...

Only you could work a post with job stress, tics, clumsiness and touching yourself.

And I totally laughed at your pain!

House of Jules said...

I'll have you know, my sweetcakes Rob, that I was yelling, "No! No! No! No!" throughout most of this post. I'm so sorry you had such a crap day but in the end, when you somehow connected having a pepper flake in your eye with "self-love", I laughed so hard I snorted. Seriously. It was really attractive. :) Are you sure this all happened during work hours and not on a date? Because I swear I've had nights out like that.
House of Jules

WomensDaily said...

Wowww that absolutely sucks.

Melissa said...

Ok, I know its terrible but I laughed out loud at this..I even felt a bit sorry for you. I hope your mouth feels better soon.

Just consider yourself lucky you didn't have to suck on a whole lemon like I did today.

That sore would have been screaming!

Melek said...

oh my...poor guy.

Anonymous said...

Awww, poor you.
Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh. ;)
I hope you're healing up well.


SuperCoolMom said...

you do realize that he's probably holding a bit of a grudge against you for the Christmas card lamb picture post, right?

Sorry for laughing at your pain! (um, not really.)

Kat said...

Could it have been any worse? Hardly. Here's to a better day! Have a great weekend!!!

Andie said...

eep. I hope the weekend brings much better things for you!

Sauntering Soul said...

This is why I avoid Pizza Hut. Nothing like pepper in your eye, a hole in your cheek, and flashbacks to make me stay away from a place.

Stay safe this weekend....and for goodness sakes, stay away from Pizza Hut.

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

CrazyMomma- On no! The gravity and poop experiment again huh?

Beth- I am soooo glad you enjoyed it! :)

Tammy- Hey, it could of been PMS? When I was married I swear I could feel hers coming on! Maybe after a year and half apart we are still in sync???

Taj- Thank you! I do try to cover the bases! Was that segue smooooooth or what? ;)

Jules- I *adore* girls who laugh so hard they snort! That is when you know you are alive! But yeah, that was just about bad enough to be one of my dates! ;)

WomensDaily- Yin and yang! The good news is the hole is closed over nicely now.

Melissa- I will NEVER, EVER try to compete with you in a pain endurance contest. I am man enough to admit when a women has me beat hands down.

Melek- I hope you laughed too, I don’t want to be a total bummer!

Anne- Don’t feel bad, I wanted y’all to laugh, I don’t *just* want to blitch! (tip ‘o the hat to Julie)

SuperCool- No way! He was hanging out telling the disciples, “Yeah that dude in the Bee Gee’s DOES look like me! That Rob is a HOOT guys! We might have to ship him up here early so we can hang out with him!” Yep, me, Jesus, Jim Morrison, the disciples- It will be a major good time!

Kat- Thank you!

Andie- Thanks, it should, it should.

Sauntering- Check! No more Pizza Hut. I mean it is the Den of Sin anyway!

Stacey said...

Oh My God. You ARE Jack Tripper. ;)