AFGHANISTAN- Today, a great pop music star of the 60’s was killed on the eastern border of Afghanistan.
Al-Walnutti, who before converting to Islam and changing his name was the one time front man for the super group “Alvin and the Chipmunks”, was gunned down today while trying to sneak into the country. His long voiced hatred of America and, in his words, the Satan inspired music industry to which he once belonged were well known.
Therefore it was readily assumed by CIA analysts that Al-Walnutti was trying to sneak into Afghanistan to aid the regrouping Taliban.
However, close friends assert that CIA Intelligence has it all wrong. Far from aiding the Taliban, Al-Walnutti was on a mission of vengeance against them. The love of his life, one time lead of the Chipmunks backup singers “The Chipettes” was publicly stoned to death in 2001 in a football stadium for the crime of removing her facial hair which in that region is considered to be a sin against God and a disgrace to the women’s family requiring an honor killing.
After publicly voicing support for their leader’s decision to remove her whiskers, the other two Chippettes were shown mercy and merely had their left paws removed.
Al-Walnutti had sworn his vengeance against the killers of his love and his friends maintain that he was killed while attempting extract his vengeance.