Oh man they got me! Being a man I really don't pay that much attention to toilet paper. I generally grab whatever and am OK with it. Last time I bought TP though I got this stuff that was real thick and fluffy and just barely fit on the roll it was so big. I liked it. So the next time I bought TP I was looking for the same stuff again, (although I had no idea of the "make and model") so I was looking for the big thick rolls again. Aha found it!
Took it home and yeah, it's so big it barely fits on the roll alright but it is NOT soft and fluffy! This stuff is worse than what hiway rest stops usually provide. It's truly John Wayne TP (it's rough and tough and it won't take shit off of anybody) I mean you can actually see little flakes of bark embedded in it. This is clearly orphanage grade TP.
I'm too cheap to throw it away so I'll just be walking funny for a few weeks. Mmmmm, maybe I can use I use it to polish chrome or buff some scratches out of the car? It's about the right texture.