Too many ways to skin the cat!

I have several post ideas and I can't settle down and pick one and write it so I am punting this morning! :)

I got this in my email. This killed me! I like these kids! Creativity combined with mechanical know how and the perseverance to get it done and filmed! You see, I could come up with this idea but I would be too lazy to do all the work. So these young'uns did good in my book! Hell these are my kind of geeks because they most likey did all this because they probably can't get dates so they have nothing better to do. You know, like this blog! :)

Anyway, on to the show.



My favorite part is when the blocked drivers push it a few feet then the kids start pushing back. Oh the perplexity of it all! (that's MY word! I made it up!)

A twofer post!

Item One)
I Flew to Dallas this weekend on my favorite Air Line (Southwest). I avoid airliner potties. I am not claustrophobic but the Lav's on airliners are sooo small I really hate dealing with them. I have to be deep, deep into the throws of the pee pee dance before I will enter the coffin like confines. I mean it has to be a "Do the Hustle" level of pee pee dance before I will enter those confines.

I have often wondered if the people who claim to have joined the mile-high club on an airliner are lying 'cause frankly I just can't see how it's physically possible in one of those little rooms. Even the people who put together the Kama Sutra look at an airline lav and go "Oh my numerous Gods! I am thinking No! No WAY man!"

So imagine my SHOCK when I saw two people enter the lav together! I mean we all know girls have some kind of secret and possibly unholy communal urination pact where they can only go in groups but MAN I thought the pact would surely have an airline lav exclusion section!

So when I saw two people go in together I thought, "within seconds one will leave and wait her turn...." but NO! So after a minute or so I thought I MUST have evidence! No one will ever believe two people were in there at the same time! So I shot this 10 second video proving it!



Item Two)
We can now add this post to the ever accumulating "Rob is a moron" pile of evidence... I shoot photos landscape all the time then rotate as needed so it did not occur to me that shooting a video sideways is not quite the same thing. Duh.

Uh, lets make it a threefer...

Item Three)
NO, I am not in the habit of filming women leaving the restroom. This was a special case, I Swear!

Just a *little* Embarrasing...

Well, I let myself be drug to a church social tonight.

They had a trivia contest and I am a little ticked and, yes a little embarrassed. You know sometimes there is more than one correct answer to a question and I really hate the small minded people who think there is a) Only one answer b) that the only correct answer is THIER answer!

The question was "Where do most woman have curly hair?" Well I shouted out ONE factually correct answer and yet they insisted that "Africa" was the only correct answer!

Grrrrrr.

What? No likeee?

I posted this on my facebook page last night and so far zero responses.

I think too many people live in denial and they just refuse to let themselves absorb the profound truth of this graphic. :)

My readers here are not cowed by truth so here it is in all its glory! :)

I am a Moron

I can admit it.

First off a little back ground that is important to the story...

1) Most of Texas is a rather dusty place and a hard lesson you learn there is to turn the heat on for the first time each year BEFORE it gets so cold that you don't want to leave the windows open for a while afterwards. You see through out the summer the dust collects and the first time you fire up the heater all the dust gets sucked into the firebox, burned and distributed throughout the house! You get some light smoke and the smell is horrible! In fact it smells exactly what you think burning dust would smell like but just far more potent than you would expect!

Now up here in Illinois its rains ALL THE TIME so it is not so dusty here.

2) I usually get up at night at least once to pee if not more. I HATE when you get up in the middle of the night and turn on a light and then you are blinded by the seeming 10,000 candlepower spotlights you never knew were in your home! So I always keep a nightlight in the potty and never turn on a light during a midnight "stroll"

So to the story...
So this weekend we had a cold front blow through, it got down into the 30's for the first time this year. (grrrrr) However, before the front blew through it had been a very pretty day in the 70s.

So I wake up about 3:00 AM with a full bladder and I am freezing!! As I relieved the hydraulic pressure in my bladder I started to shiver and my teeth were clattering. I am still groggy and barely awake but I remember thinking DONT TURN ON THE HEAT I don't want to open all the windows and air out the house at 3:00 AM. (Even though that does not apply in Illinois, as I said, groggy!)

I also have my beloved electric blanket that Erika gave me but it is stored in the closet for summer so there is a huge hassle factor there getting it out and hooking up the wires etc. Not that big a deal really but at a groggy 3:00 AM while nibbling the edges of hypothermia it was not an appealing choice!

So I grabbed some blankets off the bed in the guest room and threw them over my bed crawled under them and shivered uncontrollably for that seeming eternity you endure while your body heat ever so slowly concentrates under the mound of blankets until you create a warm spot. .

So for the remainder of the night I was still cold but warm enough that I could at least sleep.

However, in my dreams though, I had a forced landing in my plane in the Rockies in the winter and I was sooo cold! In my dreams I was trying to build shelters and make blankets from animal hides etc because i was soooooo cold!

So in the morning I wake up with a full bladder. On a cold weekend morning hydraulic pressure or starvation are about the only things that can get me out from under a warm blanket! So I steel myself with mental exercises to convince my self it's not really cold, jump up out of bed and manage to empty the ol' bladder before the shivering starts (which would mean a mess to clean up if you know what I mean) then I head back for my warm bed.

I am stunned by the sight I see as I enter my room now bathed in daylight...



The window at the foot of my bed is WIDE open!

In my groggy 3:00 AM mental state I forgot I opened it the day before when it was so nice out and with the lights out I did not notice it being open! So 38 degree air had been flowing right in on my bed all night long!

What a dumb-ass!

By the way, if you know of a good kitty exorcicist e-mail me contact info!

Wow! 40k!

Well, speaking of stats, this little blog is going to break 40,000 hits today.

That is pretty mind blowing to me. I can't get a date but I get 40,000 page hits. :)

Heck no, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?

Ah stats!

Just doing a little random reading this morning about Americans.

It seems in spite of many claims to the contrary we are QUITE green thankyouverymuch.

You see I read the average American consumes 2.18 gallons of alcohol a year. I also read that the average American walks 72.8 miles per year.

That means the average American gets 33.39 miles per gallon! Not too shabby America, not too shabby!

Keep up the good work!

ah lurv rednecks!

Offered without additional comment! (which as you all know is VERY difficult for me! :) )

Just how bad is the economy?

The economy is so bad that...

- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

- African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- My ATM gave me an IOU!

- If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

- Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

- A picture is now only worth 200 words.

- BP laid off 25 Congressmen.

And Finally...

- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Pilots and Weather Analysis

We Pilots are taught many different ways to interpret the vast amounts of weather data available to us. There are so many weather products right at your finger tips that the pilots real challenge these days is how to interpret and internalize the data and to use it effectively.

Then you get into the concepts of formal data and informal data. Formal data would best be exemplified by the weather channel. Informal data might be best exemplified by old sayings like "red sky at night sailors delight, red sky in morning sailors take warning."

Of course another example of informal weather analysis is when your passengers are praying with eyes clinched shut, this may be a good indicator that the ride is not too smooth!

Why Jesus, Why?

Why are these guys using Jesus in a bumper car to sell auto insurance in my email? I just don't get the connection(s)!

Go ahead, click on it to make it bigger, dont take my word for it.



Is this supposed to be some sort of accident "forgivenes" promotion or what? AR!!

Random Deep Thoughts...

1) I dreamed another joke this weekend. I dreamed I was fishing for rednecks (yeah this dream makes no sense at all) and I was using corn dogs for bait. I was drilling little holes in the ice cream stick to tie the fishing line to and casting away…

2) Also this weekend I felt like eating something really bad for me so I bought some Captain Crunch. Hmmmm, slow death never tasted so nummy!

Anyway, as I was eating it occurred to me that this guy must be a real foul up because he has been a Captain all of my life. He should be an admiral by now! Then it occurred to me that on the opposite end of the scale it must have really been hard to sell cereal early in his naval career because who the hell would buy a product called "Seaman Crunch?"

Yes I am childish and immature but I LOVE a good double entendre! Of course, now we can debate over what constitutes a *good* double entendre but Seaman Crunch fits my definition nicely! :)

A Boy and his Hamsters

As a child I used to have a bunch of hamsters. I had the hamster habitat thing with plastic tubes that would connect hamster cages together and you could build hamster runs around your desk or what not. Of course hamsters would have little hamsters and I would trade, sell or give away the baby hamsters.

Then one sad day my fun with hamsters ended. Hamsters being rodents NEED to gnaw on things to keep their tooth growth in check and one day I put some pencils in the cages figuring the wood would be a great gnawing medium. However, I did not think it through and it turned out the the graphite core in the pencils killed all my hamsters. I was a little traumatized to come home from first grade to find I had inadvertently killed all my little buddies. Little furry bodies were strewn everywhere. Oh the horror!

So on a different track... If you watch TV at all surely you have seen this commercial since it plays incessantly. Talk about your mass media buy eh?

Anyway I find it deeply disturbing. You see, until this commercial I never knew hamsters were black. I am sure we are all at least a little shocked to discover this.

However for me this discovery has been a little sick making! After all these years and now I find out I was a slave owner. OH MY GOD! Then to make it even worse I had my own little concentration camps going. Instead of "showers" though I gave them graphite "chew toys" and commited genocide on all my little slaves!

Excuse me, suddenly I feel sick!

The only bright spot to this whole sick sad story is that unlike SO many slave owners at least I did not impregnate any of my slaves. Thank god for small favors!

Springfield Weirdness Report #5

Item 1- Ok, my current contract is with the State Police and I work in headquarters so coming in and out through the lobby I am quite accustomed to seeing all types of law enforcement people; police from any number of cities, FBI, DEA, etc, all show up from time to time so its no biggie. However this morning when I came in I saw something truly weird.



There was a Catholic priest in the lobby in the traditional black business suit but with the collar. HOWEVER, he had a big gold star pinned to his dress coat and he was packing a 9 MM on his hip.

It was soooo odd a sight and frankly so unbelievable, I mean can priests even be cops and pack heat? I really wanted to get a picture but it occured to me he might be under cover and only wearing badge and gun in HQ so I left it alone. Still, I wonder about it- I mean WTH?



Item 2 - WTF? Just what road is this sign referring too?!
(click picture to enlarge)



Ok, did'ja notice the blue fire hydrant to the right of the "road closed" sign? A fire hydrant in an empty field. Just toooo weird.

It has to end sometime...

My vacation is over and I am back at my desk.


It was really weird to put on socks and long legged pants today, I had not worn either in over a week. So I am a bit mopey today which is actually good. You see, I once read it takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 muscles to frown so unhappy people get a nearly 300% more effective work out while frowning.

I seem to be getting a pretty good workout this morning! :)