Short stuff today.
**********
Cheeseboy Is Normal (Well in *THAT* way)
Cheeseboy has often wondered aloud on his blog if his adoration for "Glee" indicated any gay tendencies on his part.
Cheeseboy, you can relax. They sucked me in too. First was the commercials with Britney Spears crawling around in that translucent bodysuit thing. I... was... compelled... to... watch. "I laughed, I cried, it was better than 'Cats'"
Then last night they did Rocky Horror! Oh yeah! I LOVED IT! It's been at least 20 years since I have seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" so I was shocked at how many of the lyrics I remembered! Good memories! (Damn it! Janet!)
Erika even commented she should take a picture of me smiling WHILE watching Glee
So one Cheesy, you are not alone, I am hooked. Two, there ain't nothing gay about watching hot women dancing around and singing! Nope, not a bit! Now, the women who like the show... hmmmmm? :)
*******
I'm Such a bitch
I have a shell credit card. I signed up for online bill pay today. check out this url...
www.shellcreditcard.accountonline.com
Hell, that's just too way too short and convenient, they should include their corporate motto too.
Their website is a uh, shall we say a little confusing (You know wine and cigar aficionados can tell from the flavor of their respective treats just when and where they were created? I can do the same with programming; Shell's website came from India, Bangalore region, '07 or '08, after the monsoons)
So for my secret password I decided to use shellsucks and keyed it into the field...
"That password is already in use, how about "shellsucks89"
Wow, 88 people before me had the same thought. Is that all? (and why force uniqueness with a password? User name yes, but password??? WTF- Baaaaad programming!)
********
Early warning signs
Long time readers may remember I posted last winter that my girlfriend bought me a really nice black leather jacket and black leather driving gloves for Christmas.
It was cold enough this morning I wore it for the first time this year. You see she broke up with me a few months ago and so wearing her present this morning made me a little wistful.
As I thought about it though that present should have been my first warning our relationship was not going to last... I am just a nerdyredneck and she was trying to make me "cool" with black leather jacket and black leather gloves. Apparently I did not get cool enough fast enough! lol
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Dig dig DIG!
Well, apparently that last post musta sucked pretty hard. When my only true faithful reader/commenter Tammy does not leave a comment I KNOW that one sucked!
Still, for me the hole being too deep was never a good reason to stop digging!
So I will just continue to make fun of animal rights "activists". So there! Thppppp!
I mean I seriously, I hate the bastards, they made me late for work! I try to get out of the bathtub and here they come just barging into my bathroom and they pushed push me back into the tub! WTF?
Then they start sponging me down, So now I am thinking, hey, I like where this is going, I mean the gals are on the hairy side but still reasonably cute. But then they start trying to shove raw fish into my mouth and only then do I realize this is not some kind of fetish rape fantasy thing! THEN I got PISSED and started yelling and fighting back! The slighty hairy girls just wrapped thier arms around me and cooed in my ear, "It's ok, it's ok! We will keep you safe, now eat to keep up your strength!
Bastards! Besides, that sushi was just AWFUL!
On slightly more serious note My "great cousin" (my great aunts daughter) was a school teacher. Being a girly girl in spite of being raised on the same farm I was (just a generation earlier) she had always wanted a mink coat. It was a lifetime goal. Being a school teacher she had to save and scrimp and sacrifice for many years to came up with the money to buy a full length mink coat. I mean it cost more than a new car! She thought it would last the rest of her life though and it was incredibly warm.
You guessed it. Some PETA assholes threw blood on her and ruined 10 years worth of sacrifice. (and back then it was not dye, it was real animal blood, ironic huh?)
Have you ever noticed how brave these big bad PETA protesters are? They pick on older ladies all the time.
Hey jerks, are you really committed to the cause? Prove it, go to a biker bar and throw blood (faux or otherwise) on some bikers leathers. Then, THEN I will have at least a little respect for you.
Until then you are just some parents failure; Spoilt little children with nothing better to do with your time than to accost old women.
(Does this count as a rant? I was not shooting for one but I think I just drifted into it? Eh, close enough so...) Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day.
Still, for me the hole being too deep was never a good reason to stop digging!
So I will just continue to make fun of animal rights "activists". So there! Thppppp!
I mean I seriously, I hate the bastards, they made me late for work! I try to get out of the bathtub and here they come just barging into my bathroom and they pushed push me back into the tub! WTF?
Then they start sponging me down, So now I am thinking, hey, I like where this is going, I mean the gals are on the hairy side but still reasonably cute. But then they start trying to shove raw fish into my mouth and only then do I realize this is not some kind of fetish rape fantasy thing! THEN I got PISSED and started yelling and fighting back! The slighty hairy girls just wrapped thier arms around me and cooed in my ear, "It's ok, it's ok! We will keep you safe, now eat to keep up your strength!
Bastards! Besides, that sushi was just AWFUL!
On slightly more serious note My "great cousin" (my great aunts daughter) was a school teacher. Being a girly girl in spite of being raised on the same farm I was (just a generation earlier) she had always wanted a mink coat. It was a lifetime goal. Being a school teacher she had to save and scrimp and sacrifice for many years to came up with the money to buy a full length mink coat. I mean it cost more than a new car! She thought it would last the rest of her life though and it was incredibly warm.
You guessed it. Some PETA assholes threw blood on her and ruined 10 years worth of sacrifice. (and back then it was not dye, it was real animal blood, ironic huh?)
Have you ever noticed how brave these big bad PETA protesters are? They pick on older ladies all the time.
Hey jerks, are you really committed to the cause? Prove it, go to a biker bar and throw blood (faux or otherwise) on some bikers leathers. Then, THEN I will have at least a little respect for you.
Until then you are just some parents failure; Spoilt little children with nothing better to do with your time than to accost old women.
(Does this count as a rant? I was not shooting for one but I think I just drifted into it? Eh, close enough so...) Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
We are pissing them off!
It's got to stop!
The whales are getting pissed! You see, when cetaceans convict rapists, wife beaters, child molesters and their other worst scum and sentence them to death, the way they like to execute the death sentence is to have the entire pod of the victim push the convict onto the beach to die the lonely slow and terrible death this kind of evil deserves. Lonely is the worst thing you can do to a herd animal.
Then the Greenpeace hippies just keep coming along and pushing the convicts right back in!
Bad juju people... baaaaaaaad juju!
Next thing you know the greenies are going to start protesting whales dry boarding their prisoners!
The whales are getting pissed! You see, when cetaceans convict rapists, wife beaters, child molesters and their other worst scum and sentence them to death, the way they like to execute the death sentence is to have the entire pod of the victim push the convict onto the beach to die the lonely slow and terrible death this kind of evil deserves. Lonely is the worst thing you can do to a herd animal.
Then the Greenpeace hippies just keep coming along and pushing the convicts right back in!
Bad juju people... baaaaaaaad juju!
Next thing you know the greenies are going to start protesting whales dry boarding their prisoners!
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Dallas Cowboys Suck!
Yeah I said it!
My long time college buddy John won tickets to the cowboys game two Sundays ago in a United Way auction. 14th row 25 yard line. Wow. Not that it matters how close you are because every idiot in front of you stands up all the time so you still can't see the game!
Now I swore off the Cowboys until Jerry Jones dies (because he will NEVER sell!) back when he replaced 3 time Super Bowl winning head coach Jimmy Johnson with the disgraced unemployed college coach Barry Switzer. Still, the tickets were free and I did really want to see the new stadium.
I have never seen anything like this! Leather covered seats?
BTW, that is my buddy John in the foreground on the right. There is a great blog post to be written about how we became friends! :)
Anyway, look at this bar! It's beautiful! In a football stadium though?
Then turn around and you have a freaking gourmet food bar. Gourmet = really small portions and "presentation" is very important. Bah!
I mean look at these shoes... You can't wear shoes like this to FOOTBALL! It's just so wrong!
Here is a 10 dollar beer. Yep, 10 dollars! Funny, it tasted just like normal beer but there HAD to be something special about it for 10 bucks, right?
Well wait, FINALLY! Something remotely like football! YAY! :)
Then to top off all my disappointments at fru fru BS in a football stadium they lied! Look at this sign!
I stood here for over an hour and still did not get any action! Damn that lying ass Jerry Jones!
Then they actually had a game here! In the midst of all the nightclubs, restaurants, etc, they actually had a foot ball field too! Wadaya know bout dat?
On that note, the city of Dallas owes Jessica Simpson a HUGE apology! See the Cowboys QB Tony Romo was dating her last year and he had a sub par season. Many, many people blamed poor Jessica saying she was a huge distraction. Well they are NOT dating any more and Romo still sucks so it clearly was not poor Jessica's fault.
Man up Dallas, give the girl the apology she deserves.
My long time college buddy John won tickets to the cowboys game two Sundays ago in a United Way auction. 14th row 25 yard line. Wow. Not that it matters how close you are because every idiot in front of you stands up all the time so you still can't see the game!
Now I swore off the Cowboys until Jerry Jones dies (because he will NEVER sell!) back when he replaced 3 time Super Bowl winning head coach Jimmy Johnson with the disgraced unemployed college coach Barry Switzer. Still, the tickets were free and I did really want to see the new stadium.
I have never seen anything like this! Leather covered seats?
BTW, that is my buddy John in the foreground on the right. There is a great blog post to be written about how we became friends! :)
Anyway, look at this bar! It's beautiful! In a football stadium though?
Then turn around and you have a freaking gourmet food bar. Gourmet = really small portions and "presentation" is very important. Bah!
I mean look at these shoes... You can't wear shoes like this to FOOTBALL! It's just so wrong!
Here is a 10 dollar beer. Yep, 10 dollars! Funny, it tasted just like normal beer but there HAD to be something special about it for 10 bucks, right?
Well wait, FINALLY! Something remotely like football! YAY! :)
Then to top off all my disappointments at fru fru BS in a football stadium they lied! Look at this sign!
I stood here for over an hour and still did not get any action! Damn that lying ass Jerry Jones!
Then they actually had a game here! In the midst of all the nightclubs, restaurants, etc, they actually had a foot ball field too! Wadaya know bout dat?
On that note, the city of Dallas owes Jessica Simpson a HUGE apology! See the Cowboys QB Tony Romo was dating her last year and he had a sub par season. Many, many people blamed poor Jessica saying she was a huge distraction. Well they are NOT dating any more and Romo still sucks so it clearly was not poor Jessica's fault.
Man up Dallas, give the girl the apology she deserves.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Perspective
How things change depending on the view point!
When I was oh so young I was already hooked on science fiction thanks to the master story teller Robert A. Heinlien. Then along comes this crazy movie called Star Wars. It was about a farm boy who wanted more than anything to be a fighter pilot.
As far as I was concerned the movie was about me. I never understood how Lucas had me to a "T" when as far as I new we had never met yet he made a movie about me. :)
Needless to say my love affair was deep! I read the book 27 times (I put a mark on the back fly page each time I finished it.) When the movie FINALLY got to a smaller theater near me I literally spent the whole Saturday there. I hid in the bathroom between each showing and watched it 4, 5 (???) times back to back. It was the greatest thing EVER.
Then I met each addition to the Star Wars legacy with great excitement.
25 years later my perspective seems to have shifted. Recently I saw all 6 movies back to back. This is something no fan should ever do I guess. As I OD'd on Star Wars I began to notice things that my love blinders had previously filtered out. I have compiled a list of all the annoying sometimes nonsensical things I noticed (and can still remember!) as I watched all the movies back to back. Its a list that makes me sad. It's like realizing your life long best friend steals from orphans for a living or something. :(
NOTE: Phantom Menace = first movie here and the Original "Star Wars" is the 4th movie
1. It hurts but it must be said! Luke was a whinny little bitch. (My hero! NooooOOOoooOOo!)
2. As was his father before he got evil.
3. As is the stupid golden robot, C3PO!
4. Speaking of which- I want to meet the shitty programmer who created a protocol droid that was soooooo annoying! How is a machine that pisses off everything around it going to be an effective diplomat!?
In that mighty future could they not just download a better personality for the whiney bitch robot?
5. How is that C3PO, being so damned annoying was not killed several times over? I would have killed it pretty quick myself!
6. Then to top it off why in the hell would anyone reassemble the sumbish after he was blown apart!? I mean a party celebrating not having to listen to him would have been more in order than rebuilding him. I mean seriously!?
7. The Empire might not have fallen had they had at least ONE competent storm trooper in the last three movies. I mean in those last three movies storm troopers fired thousands of shots and they had one and ONLY one hit when they blew C3PO apart. In fact, in cloud city Chewbacca is running down a hall with an annoying droid strapped to his back and the storm trooper is behind him and MISSED! WTF! How can you miss an 8 foot wookie IN A HALLWAY when you are shooting him in the back!? GAAAH!
8. Ok you are a bounty hunter. You have Han Solo pinned against a wall. You let him keep his hand beneath the table? WTF? Was "Greedo" alien for Forest Gump? Maybe Rainman?
9. Remember in the original Star Wars movie, Darth Vader is a flunky taking flak off admirals and running errands for Grand Moff Tarkin? Hey this dude was #2 only to the emperor, how'd he get to be Tarkin's bitch? If I am evil, Tarkin is toast the minute the emporor says he is my boss. (Uh, sorry my master, apparently he choked on his steak! Such a tragedy! Heimlich? Who the hell is Heimlich?)
10. Vader tortured Leia in the 4th movie to extract military info from her and we are all mature enough to know that kind of torture always involves sexual things. Ewwwww! He did "things" to his own daughter!!! Ewwwwww!
11. Anakin had dreams of his wife dying so he slaughtered an entire school full of children? Not even something like a remote bombing but face to face? So unbelievable! I had an aunt who raised me like a mother and I love her like no one else. I would still never slaughter children to save her from the cancer that took her nor would she have ever wanted me to. That jump was just too great! No way! It's like Lucas suddenly went, "welp its been 2 3/4 movies so far I guess I'd better get around to making him evil now?" "Abracadabra! Your evil!" Ugh.
12. In cloud City when Luke attempts suicide- so what the hell is the deal with big super fun slides at the bottoms of huge air shafts? Then it has a drain to the outside? I mean that thing sure is reminiscent of a spit valve on a trombone.
13. OK, who the hell mounts a TV antenna right under the spit valve. I mean WTH man?
14. Obi-wan Kenobi and R2-D2 Adventure together in the first three movies spanning about 15 years? But in the forth movie, roughly 18 years later R2-D2 finds Obi-Wan on Tattoine and neither one recognizes the other?
15. Do Robots Age? RD-D2 could freaking FLY in the second and third movies, why not in The last three? Arthritis acting up? Perhaps mineral deficiencies! (AR!)
16. Did you ever count up the number of times the robots were totally abandoned but then seemed to show up later? DID they have credit cards so they could catch mass transit home or what?
17. The absolute slap in the face to every sci-fi fan in existence, in the third movie when the big damaged battle cruiser turns nose "down" towards the planet and every one slides down the deck. Then they "level" the ship out and everyone stops sliding! THERE IS NO LEVEL IN SPACE! Oh dear lord! PUH-lease! What next, is the cook gonna fall off the fan tail and hit the propeller? Don't imitate the movie Titanic with a space ship for gods sake! (unless your "Futurama". That was a good episode!)
If I ever get the chance someone is getting soooo bitch slapped for that one!
18. Darth Vader was clearly a man (not that there was any doubt) because he got his "costume" when his kids were born and by the time they were adult he had not changed his 'look' a bit. Only a man keeps a hairstyle for 20 years let alone his entire wardrobe!
19. Jar Jar. Nuff said.
When I was oh so young I was already hooked on science fiction thanks to the master story teller Robert A. Heinlien. Then along comes this crazy movie called Star Wars. It was about a farm boy who wanted more than anything to be a fighter pilot.
As far as I was concerned the movie was about me. I never understood how Lucas had me to a "T" when as far as I new we had never met yet he made a movie about me. :)
Needless to say my love affair was deep! I read the book 27 times (I put a mark on the back fly page each time I finished it.) When the movie FINALLY got to a smaller theater near me I literally spent the whole Saturday there. I hid in the bathroom between each showing and watched it 4, 5 (???) times back to back. It was the greatest thing EVER.
Then I met each addition to the Star Wars legacy with great excitement.
25 years later my perspective seems to have shifted. Recently I saw all 6 movies back to back. This is something no fan should ever do I guess. As I OD'd on Star Wars I began to notice things that my love blinders had previously filtered out. I have compiled a list of all the annoying sometimes nonsensical things I noticed (and can still remember!) as I watched all the movies back to back. Its a list that makes me sad. It's like realizing your life long best friend steals from orphans for a living or something. :(
NOTE: Phantom Menace = first movie here and the Original "Star Wars" is the 4th movie
1. It hurts but it must be said! Luke was a whinny little bitch. (My hero! NooooOOOoooOOo!)
2. As was his father before he got evil.
3. As is the stupid golden robot, C3PO!
4. Speaking of which- I want to meet the shitty programmer who created a protocol droid that was soooooo annoying! How is a machine that pisses off everything around it going to be an effective diplomat!?
In that mighty future could they not just download a better personality for the whiney bitch robot?
5. How is that C3PO, being so damned annoying was not killed several times over? I would have killed it pretty quick myself!
6. Then to top it off why in the hell would anyone reassemble the sumbish after he was blown apart!? I mean a party celebrating not having to listen to him would have been more in order than rebuilding him. I mean seriously!?
7. The Empire might not have fallen had they had at least ONE competent storm trooper in the last three movies. I mean in those last three movies storm troopers fired thousands of shots and they had one and ONLY one hit when they blew C3PO apart. In fact, in cloud city Chewbacca is running down a hall with an annoying droid strapped to his back and the storm trooper is behind him and MISSED! WTF! How can you miss an 8 foot wookie IN A HALLWAY when you are shooting him in the back!? GAAAH!
8. Ok you are a bounty hunter. You have Han Solo pinned against a wall. You let him keep his hand beneath the table? WTF? Was "Greedo" alien for Forest Gump? Maybe Rainman?
9. Remember in the original Star Wars movie, Darth Vader is a flunky taking flak off admirals and running errands for Grand Moff Tarkin? Hey this dude was #2 only to the emperor, how'd he get to be Tarkin's bitch? If I am evil, Tarkin is toast the minute the emporor says he is my boss. (Uh, sorry my master, apparently he choked on his steak! Such a tragedy! Heimlich? Who the hell is Heimlich?)
10. Vader tortured Leia in the 4th movie to extract military info from her and we are all mature enough to know that kind of torture always involves sexual things. Ewwwww! He did "things" to his own daughter!!! Ewwwwww!
11. Anakin had dreams of his wife dying so he slaughtered an entire school full of children? Not even something like a remote bombing but face to face? So unbelievable! I had an aunt who raised me like a mother and I love her like no one else. I would still never slaughter children to save her from the cancer that took her nor would she have ever wanted me to. That jump was just too great! No way! It's like Lucas suddenly went, "welp its been 2 3/4 movies so far I guess I'd better get around to making him evil now?" "Abracadabra! Your evil!" Ugh.
12. In cloud City when Luke attempts suicide- so what the hell is the deal with big super fun slides at the bottoms of huge air shafts? Then it has a drain to the outside? I mean that thing sure is reminiscent of a spit valve on a trombone.
13. OK, who the hell mounts a TV antenna right under the spit valve. I mean WTH man?
14. Obi-wan Kenobi and R2-D2 Adventure together in the first three movies spanning about 15 years? But in the forth movie, roughly 18 years later R2-D2 finds Obi-Wan on Tattoine and neither one recognizes the other?
15. Do Robots Age? RD-D2 could freaking FLY in the second and third movies, why not in The last three? Arthritis acting up? Perhaps mineral deficiencies! (AR!)
16. Did you ever count up the number of times the robots were totally abandoned but then seemed to show up later? DID they have credit cards so they could catch mass transit home or what?
17. The absolute slap in the face to every sci-fi fan in existence, in the third movie when the big damaged battle cruiser turns nose "down" towards the planet and every one slides down the deck. Then they "level" the ship out and everyone stops sliding! THERE IS NO LEVEL IN SPACE! Oh dear lord! PUH-lease! What next, is the cook gonna fall off the fan tail and hit the propeller? Don't imitate the movie Titanic with a space ship for gods sake! (unless your "Futurama". That was a good episode!)
If I ever get the chance someone is getting soooo bitch slapped for that one!
18. Darth Vader was clearly a man (not that there was any doubt) because he got his "costume" when his kids were born and by the time they were adult he had not changed his 'look' a bit. Only a man keeps a hairstyle for 20 years let alone his entire wardrobe!
19. Jar Jar. Nuff said.
Judging Books by Their Covers
Set the waybac machine for the early 90's.
Collin county abuts Dallas county on the north side. At that time the Dallas suburbs had just started expanding into the southern edge of Collin county but otherwise Collin county was all farm land. I had been living in Dallas for several years and while I liked the big city and working for a big airline sometimes the never ending bustle would wear me down. I got a chance to move to Frisco Texas in Collin country. It was an old farm house for rent on 10 acres. The rent was ridiculously low! Frisco's population then was 1,200. It was a farm town but only about a half hour commute from Downtown Dallas (then!)
I grew up on a farm and going to the Dairy Queen in Frisco (the only "fast food" place in town) and listening to all the old farmers BS was just like being a kid again. City by day, country by night. It was a good life.
So one day as a fairly naive younger man I got my very first jury summons there in Collin county. Well this is court I thought so I dug out my wedding/funeral/interview suit and went to the Collin county courthouse off in the country seat at the appointed time dressed in my finest finery!
We had no more than gotten started and the judge recessed for several hours. I was thinking it's too far to drive home for that amount of time but I don't want to sit in the jury waiting room that long either so what do to? Ah ha! On the way in I saw a large diner on the highway not to far from the courthouse so I figured, get a newspaper, have a snack then sip coffee and read till time to come back. (which was a valuable lesson. I have never gone to jury duty again without a good book or two! :)
So I stepped into the diner and I was at home. The place was pretty full and there was a sea of Oskosh B'gosh overalls topped with ball caps adorned with feed, fertilizer and tractor logo's. Like any busy diner there was the din and clatter of dishes and dozens of forks busily at work and the murmur of a hundred conversations you can't quite make out. Ahhhh. I knew this place even though I had never been there before.
As I was standing in the doorway looking for an empty table I noticed the din was dying down and gradually all heads were turning towards me. I looked behind me to see what everyone one was looking at but there was nothing. By now the place was far too quiet and EVERYONE was looking right at ME. It was EXACTLY like a scene out of a movie, ya know, where a key character steps through the saloon's swinging doors and everything just stops!
But why would everyone be staring at me? What did I do? Is this some kind of secret cabal thing I just stumbled into? Oh man am I gonna be the next virgin sacrificed to corn gods? WHAT?! I am actually becoming alarmed! Then the light bulb finally went off! It was the wedding/funeral/interview suit! I was the fly in the punchbowl! In their minds this slicker in his suit does NOT belong here!
So in a loud clear voice so everyone could hear and even laying the country boy accent on thicker than usual I simply said "Jury duty o'er at the courthouse today folks." A hundred ball caps nodded in near unison and I heard many "Ah's" as folks turned away and the din built back up to normal levels.
Whew!
Still, only when the waitress said, "How do you want your coffee sug?" did I fully relax though. She did not ask IF I wanted coffee, only HOW I wanted it and she called me "sug" (First syllable abbreviation of sugar; It's a Texas thing) That's when I knew for sure I was "in" in spite of my 'cover'.
Collin county abuts Dallas county on the north side. At that time the Dallas suburbs had just started expanding into the southern edge of Collin county but otherwise Collin county was all farm land. I had been living in Dallas for several years and while I liked the big city and working for a big airline sometimes the never ending bustle would wear me down. I got a chance to move to Frisco Texas in Collin country. It was an old farm house for rent on 10 acres. The rent was ridiculously low! Frisco's population then was 1,200. It was a farm town but only about a half hour commute from Downtown Dallas (then!)
I grew up on a farm and going to the Dairy Queen in Frisco (the only "fast food" place in town) and listening to all the old farmers BS was just like being a kid again. City by day, country by night. It was a good life.
So one day as a fairly naive younger man I got my very first jury summons there in Collin county. Well this is court I thought so I dug out my wedding/funeral/interview suit and went to the Collin county courthouse off in the country seat at the appointed time dressed in my finest finery!
We had no more than gotten started and the judge recessed for several hours. I was thinking it's too far to drive home for that amount of time but I don't want to sit in the jury waiting room that long either so what do to? Ah ha! On the way in I saw a large diner on the highway not to far from the courthouse so I figured, get a newspaper, have a snack then sip coffee and read till time to come back. (which was a valuable lesson. I have never gone to jury duty again without a good book or two! :)
So I stepped into the diner and I was at home. The place was pretty full and there was a sea of Oskosh B'gosh overalls topped with ball caps adorned with feed, fertilizer and tractor logo's. Like any busy diner there was the din and clatter of dishes and dozens of forks busily at work and the murmur of a hundred conversations you can't quite make out. Ahhhh. I knew this place even though I had never been there before.
As I was standing in the doorway looking for an empty table I noticed the din was dying down and gradually all heads were turning towards me. I looked behind me to see what everyone one was looking at but there was nothing. By now the place was far too quiet and EVERYONE was looking right at ME. It was EXACTLY like a scene out of a movie, ya know, where a key character steps through the saloon's swinging doors and everything just stops!
But why would everyone be staring at me? What did I do? Is this some kind of secret cabal thing I just stumbled into? Oh man am I gonna be the next virgin sacrificed to corn gods? WHAT?! I am actually becoming alarmed! Then the light bulb finally went off! It was the wedding/funeral/interview suit! I was the fly in the punchbowl! In their minds this slicker in his suit does NOT belong here!
So in a loud clear voice so everyone could hear and even laying the country boy accent on thicker than usual I simply said "Jury duty o'er at the courthouse today folks." A hundred ball caps nodded in near unison and I heard many "Ah's" as folks turned away and the din built back up to normal levels.
Whew!
Still, only when the waitress said, "How do you want your coffee sug?" did I fully relax though. She did not ask IF I wanted coffee, only HOW I wanted it and she called me "sug" (First syllable abbreviation of sugar; It's a Texas thing) That's when I knew for sure I was "in" in spite of my 'cover'.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Really. Really? Really!
Ok, my sinuses are draining and we have been working these weird split shifts so my "biorhythms" are all off kilter and my sleep is spotty at best. Play your little violin for me Erika :)
Here, this graph may help explain....
#RANT_MODE=TRUE
In short, I am a bit pissy today so my (attempted) humor will be a little, more ummmm, hmmm the thesaurus does not seem to have a synonym for pissy so I will just have to stick with that word. In spite of the diluted vitriol spewed henceforth (aka piss), Hopefully, you will get a laugh, and perhaps go "ahhhh, never thought of it that way before" but I doubt it. In spite of our inflated opinions of ourselves we are very close minded and set in our ways. (myself included)
1) Miners TRAPPED in a mine are hero's? Really?
Uh, hello… hero's make a conscious sacrifice of their own well being (be it mental, physical, financial, etc) to help OTHERS. Not getting killed by a falling rock is not the stuff of hero's. By that bizarre standard we are all heroes who commute to work/ stores/schools every day and don't get killed in traffic. Hey, no one ran over me today- I'M A FEAKING HERO! WHOO HOO! Really?
Now the guys who probably worked very hard for very long periods of time probably very short of sleep and all the while coming up with creative and impromptu ways to keep their trapped brethren alive for all this time, THOSE guys are the hero's! Somehow I don’t think they will be on "The View" anytime soon. Really.
Which upon further review is probably a reward for being a hero after all. :)
2) "Chelsea Clinton's wedding, every girls dream come true" screams the glossy chronicles of the professional stalkerazzi from break room tables and newsstands everywhere. Really?
In this day and age of powerful, smart, educated women your "dream" is really represented by over sized wedding dresses, waiters in tuxes and horse drawn carriages?
These are your dream? Still? Really?
OK in June Cleavers day I could buy that but in 2011? Really?
Well guys, here is where clearly have a major break with women. We dream of scantily clad women and fast gorgeous machines. They (apparently) dream of themselves and everyone around them wearing layers upon layers of clothing and riding in painfully slow, extremely smelly transportation that was totally obsolete a freaking century ago.
Wow. Really?
No wonder divorce rates are so high.
3) Bicycle helmets? Really?
Average fatalities from bicycle accidents over the last couple of decades run right around 800 per year in the US. Of that roughly 800, I can find no stats for how many of those were from head trauma.
There is a statistically insignificant variation in those numbers from before we started wearing helmets as large percentages of riders and after.
Yet we all wear our utterly-impossible-to-make-any-more-dorky-looking-helmets because someone somewhere said we should (uh perhaps helmet manufacturers? Duh!?) and we all just do it like the mindless little lemmings our “education” systems have turned us into.
Slip and falls in bathrooms account for approximately 20,000 deaths per year in North America.
So we wear "safety gear" where the odds of fatality are minuscule.
But we DON'T wear a dorky helmet where the odds of traumatic death are 25 times greater. Really?
Personally, I plan to tap into this mindset. I am going to patent a really dorky looking helmet with a lightning rod and a trailing grounding wire and sell thousands of them to prevent the roughly 20 deaths per year from lighting strike in the US. Good old group think and peer pressure will make you buy them. BWUH-HA-HA-HA! Sorry I just could not contain the evil laugh any longer! Why if you dare even question the need for your own "death by lightning preventer" then you’re just stupid and you have no compassion! Oh if your religious then I will have to exploit that and tell you your questioning the need for my hat is proof of Satan's growing influence over your mind! SATAN BE GONE! BUY MY HAT!
Persuasive arguments huh? Oh I am gonna get sooooooo rich!
Really!
4)Speaking of math. So people STILL play the government lotteries? Really?
You know what a lottery is? It’s a tax on people bad at math.(Perhaps like dorky little helmets?) ‘Nuff said.
5) Democrats are the party of the people. Republican’s are the party of the corporations. Really?
A quick aside--- Now unlike that idiot on face book who wished I would *die* because she THOUGHT I was a McCain supporter (those touchy feely liberals don’t cha know, if you don’t agree with them you should *die*. Really? Can you feel the compassion, the inclusiveness? :) ) So before you even go there be aware, I‘m a libertarian and in my opinion no one worthy of the title of president has been on the ballot in decades. So don’t make assumptions. I am just making observations here hoping to make you see the situation from another perspective and maybe JUST maybe, just for a few seconds, I can get you to think outside the political box you settled into in your teens and have never dared stray out of for even a second since. (that is after all how I make my living folks! :) )
So here we go… the “party of the corporations” was in charge in 2001 and 2003 when the economy was failing; Especially after 9/11. So the “party of the corporations” sent economic stimulus checks directly to every American who filed income tax (even if they did not make enough money to pay ANY income tax, if they filed they got a check. In other words they sent millions upon millions of checks directly to “the people”
So then in the same situation last year the “party of the people” gave ¾’s of trillion dollars of stimulus money to… wait for it… corporations. Really! (BTW, how’s that working out for stimulus?) Yes, some of that money went to government agencies as well but not a single penny of that huge fund went straight to a “people” (sic) anywhere
THEN the “party of the people” passed a “health-care bill” that is going to take 2 trillion dollars over the next 10 years OUT of the pockets of “the people” and channel it into who’s hands? Oh yeah, big corporations! Big insurance and big pharma. You know, those entities you hated so much you wanted “government” health care in the first place to put those evil bastards out of business.
Now thanks to the "party of the people" those very same corporations will get even MORE of the people's money and just to pour a little salt into the wound, we the people no longer have any say in the matter.
Oh, on that note the “party of the people” passed that ugly piece of legislation when the majority of “the people” were opposed to it. (and now that we all have a better idea whats going on in that legislation even a larger majority of the people oppose it)
Party of the people. Really?
Ok, equal time please. Now let's talk about the self proclaimed party of "small government" and how they spent, spent, spent like the drunken whores that they are for 8 years. (Owww, my apologies to honest hard working whores everywhere. At least you EARN your living. You are far more respectable than the parasites that are our professional legislators )
OOooo god and here is my favorite. I just LOVE how the self proclaimed party of "Small Government, personal liberty and free markets" is repeating all the mistakes that history teaches us about the the horrible foul up that that was prohibition. Not only are they screwing up the exact same way repeating bad history but screwing up BY shooting the bird to their three (claimed) main principles at the same time. Really!
Let's review how prohibition, you know, government meddling in the free market while at the same time interfering with personal liberty created a vast black market that made very, very bad people so very rich they could buy the government. And those they could not buy off they murdered with impunity.
So we got smart and said ooops, that was a mistake. DO OVER! Repealed!
But the wealth the mob acquired during that period still has them in very powerful positions 80 years later. (Not to mention the enduring wealth of the Kennedy clan which was originally derived from Rum running)
Then 30 years later we just jumped up and did the whole prohibition thing again but with certain crops instead of ethanol. Really?
But who pushes it so hard today? Why "The party of personal liberty, small government and free markets that's who! Really!
They have chosen and continue to choose to ban certain very cheap crops. However, since the demand curve for those crops has not abated, just like demand for ethanol was not abated, and since the republicans willfully choose to impede the free market the supply curve raises it ugly head and what once cost pennies per bushel now costs dollars per gram. That kind of money on the black markets makes those evil enough to be willing to fulfill market demands at any cost (to others) very rich men. Now the drug lords run the Mexican border with impunity and their growing wealth will keep these evil people in power for generations to come.
Now they wipe out the the entire police force of a town in one night, they stockpile military grade weapons that make Al Qaeda look like the ranks armatures that they are.
But does the party of "Small government, personal liberty and free markets" every consider that perhaps they should actually live up to that mantra and stop all the suffering that defying their proclaimed goals is causing. Nope not for a second! Really!
In fact they just pile on and spend billions to reduce supply in the producing countries while again demand remains roughly the same. Holy compound interest batman! They are spending big government money to further suppress supply making the COST CURVE INCREASE AGAIN therefore further empowering evil men! My god, they can't understand the market forces they claim to support. really! My god the swirling vortex of stupidity, hypocrisy, and evil just grows and grows! It will swallow more and more of Mexico and Arizona until once again they repeal prohibition.
I could go on this tract for hours more folks pointing out where both major party’s stand in direct and often VERY loud contradiction to their stereotypes and/ or claims. However, none of us have that kind of time. i can't believe how large this post has grown already.
So all I ask is that you ALL stop being little lemmings and automatically hating OR loving a candidate based solely on the little D or little R that comes after their name.
You. Are. Better. Than. That. Really.
So here is my usual sign off but with a weary and pissy overtone, “Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day”
#RANT_MODE=FALSE
Oh PS, Libertarians are the only “party of the people” and "party of free markets, AND small goverments AND personal liberty in this country. So there! Thpppppppp! :0
After some sleep this weekend (and a slew of postponed housework) I should be closer to my more light hearted tone again.
Here, this graph may help explain....
#RANT_MODE=TRUE
In short, I am a bit pissy today so my (attempted) humor will be a little, more ummmm, hmmm the thesaurus does not seem to have a synonym for pissy so I will just have to stick with that word. In spite of the diluted vitriol spewed henceforth (aka piss), Hopefully, you will get a laugh, and perhaps go "ahhhh, never thought of it that way before" but I doubt it. In spite of our inflated opinions of ourselves we are very close minded and set in our ways. (myself included)
1) Miners TRAPPED in a mine are hero's? Really?
Uh, hello… hero's make a conscious sacrifice of their own well being (be it mental, physical, financial, etc) to help OTHERS. Not getting killed by a falling rock is not the stuff of hero's. By that bizarre standard we are all heroes who commute to work/ stores/schools every day and don't get killed in traffic. Hey, no one ran over me today- I'M A FEAKING HERO! WHOO HOO! Really?
Now the guys who probably worked very hard for very long periods of time probably very short of sleep and all the while coming up with creative and impromptu ways to keep their trapped brethren alive for all this time, THOSE guys are the hero's! Somehow I don’t think they will be on "The View" anytime soon. Really.
Which upon further review is probably a reward for being a hero after all. :)
2) "Chelsea Clinton's wedding, every girls dream come true" screams the glossy chronicles of the professional stalkerazzi from break room tables and newsstands everywhere. Really?
In this day and age of powerful, smart, educated women your "dream" is really represented by over sized wedding dresses, waiters in tuxes and horse drawn carriages?
These are your dream? Still? Really?
OK in June Cleavers day I could buy that but in 2011? Really?
Well guys, here is where clearly have a major break with women. We dream of scantily clad women and fast gorgeous machines. They (apparently) dream of themselves and everyone around them wearing layers upon layers of clothing and riding in painfully slow, extremely smelly transportation that was totally obsolete a freaking century ago.
Wow. Really?
No wonder divorce rates are so high.
3) Bicycle helmets? Really?
Average fatalities from bicycle accidents over the last couple of decades run right around 800 per year in the US. Of that roughly 800, I can find no stats for how many of those were from head trauma.
There is a statistically insignificant variation in those numbers from before we started wearing helmets as large percentages of riders and after.
Yet we all wear our utterly-impossible-to-make-any-more-dorky-looking-helmets because someone somewhere said we should (uh perhaps helmet manufacturers? Duh!?) and we all just do it like the mindless little lemmings our “education” systems have turned us into.
Slip and falls in bathrooms account for approximately 20,000 deaths per year in North America.
So we wear "safety gear" where the odds of fatality are minuscule.
But we DON'T wear a dorky helmet where the odds of traumatic death are 25 times greater. Really?
Personally, I plan to tap into this mindset. I am going to patent a really dorky looking helmet with a lightning rod and a trailing grounding wire and sell thousands of them to prevent the roughly 20 deaths per year from lighting strike in the US. Good old group think and peer pressure will make you buy them. BWUH-HA-HA-HA! Sorry I just could not contain the evil laugh any longer! Why if you dare even question the need for your own "death by lightning preventer" then you’re just stupid and you have no compassion! Oh if your religious then I will have to exploit that and tell you your questioning the need for my hat is proof of Satan's growing influence over your mind! SATAN BE GONE! BUY MY HAT!
Persuasive arguments huh? Oh I am gonna get sooooooo rich!
Really!
4)Speaking of math. So people STILL play the government lotteries? Really?
You know what a lottery is? It’s a tax on people bad at math.(Perhaps like dorky little helmets?) ‘Nuff said.
5) Democrats are the party of the people. Republican’s are the party of the corporations. Really?
A quick aside--- Now unlike that idiot on face book who wished I would *die* because she THOUGHT I was a McCain supporter (those touchy feely liberals don’t cha know, if you don’t agree with them you should *die*. Really? Can you feel the compassion, the inclusiveness? :) ) So before you even go there be aware, I‘m a libertarian and in my opinion no one worthy of the title of president has been on the ballot in decades. So don’t make assumptions. I am just making observations here hoping to make you see the situation from another perspective and maybe JUST maybe, just for a few seconds, I can get you to think outside the political box you settled into in your teens and have never dared stray out of for even a second since. (that is after all how I make my living folks! :) )
So here we go… the “party of the corporations” was in charge in 2001 and 2003 when the economy was failing; Especially after 9/11. So the “party of the corporations” sent economic stimulus checks directly to every American who filed income tax (even if they did not make enough money to pay ANY income tax, if they filed they got a check. In other words they sent millions upon millions of checks directly to “the people”
So then in the same situation last year the “party of the people” gave ¾’s of trillion dollars of stimulus money to… wait for it… corporations. Really! (BTW, how’s that working out for stimulus?) Yes, some of that money went to government agencies as well but not a single penny of that huge fund went straight to a “people” (sic) anywhere
THEN the “party of the people” passed a “health-care bill” that is going to take 2 trillion dollars over the next 10 years OUT of the pockets of “the people” and channel it into who’s hands? Oh yeah, big corporations! Big insurance and big pharma. You know, those entities you hated so much you wanted “government” health care in the first place to put those evil bastards out of business.
Now thanks to the "party of the people" those very same corporations will get even MORE of the people's money and just to pour a little salt into the wound, we the people no longer have any say in the matter.
Oh, on that note the “party of the people” passed that ugly piece of legislation when the majority of “the people” were opposed to it. (and now that we all have a better idea whats going on in that legislation even a larger majority of the people oppose it)
Party of the people. Really?
Ok, equal time please. Now let's talk about the self proclaimed party of "small government" and how they spent, spent, spent like the drunken whores that they are for 8 years. (Owww, my apologies to honest hard working whores everywhere. At least you EARN your living. You are far more respectable than the parasites that are our professional legislators )
OOooo god and here is my favorite. I just LOVE how the self proclaimed party of "Small Government, personal liberty and free markets" is repeating all the mistakes that history teaches us about the the horrible foul up that that was prohibition. Not only are they screwing up the exact same way repeating bad history but screwing up BY shooting the bird to their three (claimed) main principles at the same time. Really!
Let's review how prohibition, you know, government meddling in the free market while at the same time interfering with personal liberty created a vast black market that made very, very bad people so very rich they could buy the government. And those they could not buy off they murdered with impunity.
So we got smart and said ooops, that was a mistake. DO OVER! Repealed!
But the wealth the mob acquired during that period still has them in very powerful positions 80 years later. (Not to mention the enduring wealth of the Kennedy clan which was originally derived from Rum running)
Then 30 years later we just jumped up and did the whole prohibition thing again but with certain crops instead of ethanol. Really?
But who pushes it so hard today? Why "The party of personal liberty, small government and free markets that's who! Really!
They have chosen and continue to choose to ban certain very cheap crops. However, since the demand curve for those crops has not abated, just like demand for ethanol was not abated, and since the republicans willfully choose to impede the free market the supply curve raises it ugly head and what once cost pennies per bushel now costs dollars per gram. That kind of money on the black markets makes those evil enough to be willing to fulfill market demands at any cost (to others) very rich men. Now the drug lords run the Mexican border with impunity and their growing wealth will keep these evil people in power for generations to come.
Now they wipe out the the entire police force of a town in one night, they stockpile military grade weapons that make Al Qaeda look like the ranks armatures that they are.
But does the party of "Small government, personal liberty and free markets" every consider that perhaps they should actually live up to that mantra and stop all the suffering that defying their proclaimed goals is causing. Nope not for a second! Really!
In fact they just pile on and spend billions to reduce supply in the producing countries while again demand remains roughly the same. Holy compound interest batman! They are spending big government money to further suppress supply making the COST CURVE INCREASE AGAIN therefore further empowering evil men! My god, they can't understand the market forces they claim to support. really! My god the swirling vortex of stupidity, hypocrisy, and evil just grows and grows! It will swallow more and more of Mexico and Arizona until once again they repeal prohibition.
I could go on this tract for hours more folks pointing out where both major party’s stand in direct and often VERY loud contradiction to their stereotypes and/ or claims. However, none of us have that kind of time. i can't believe how large this post has grown already.
So all I ask is that you ALL stop being little lemmings and automatically hating OR loving a candidate based solely on the little D or little R that comes after their name.
You. Are. Better. Than. That. Really.
So here is my usual sign off but with a weary and pissy overtone, “Thus concludes Rob's bizarre rant of the day”
#RANT_MODE=FALSE
Oh PS, Libertarians are the only “party of the people” and "party of free markets, AND small goverments AND personal liberty in this country. So there! Thpppppppp! :0
After some sleep this weekend (and a slew of postponed housework) I should be closer to my more light hearted tone again.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Too many ways to skin the cat!
I have several post ideas and I can't settle down and pick one and write it so I am punting this morning! :)
I got this in my email. This killed me! I like these kids! Creativity combined with mechanical know how and the perseverance to get it done and filmed! You see, I could come up with this idea but I would be too lazy to do all the work. So these young'uns did good in my book! Hell these are my kind of geeks because they most likey did all this because they probably can't get dates so they have nothing better to do. You know, like this blog! :)
Anyway, on to the show.
My favorite part is when the blocked drivers push it a few feet then the kids start pushing back. Oh the perplexity of it all! (that's MY word! I made it up!)
I got this in my email. This killed me! I like these kids! Creativity combined with mechanical know how and the perseverance to get it done and filmed! You see, I could come up with this idea but I would be too lazy to do all the work. So these young'uns did good in my book! Hell these are my kind of geeks because they most likey did all this because they probably can't get dates so they have nothing better to do. You know, like this blog! :)
Anyway, on to the show.
My favorite part is when the blocked drivers push it a few feet then the kids start pushing back. Oh the perplexity of it all! (that's MY word! I made it up!)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
A twofer post!
Item One)
I Flew to Dallas this weekend on my favorite Air Line (Southwest). I avoid airliner potties. I am not claustrophobic but the Lav's on airliners are sooo small I really hate dealing with them. I have to be deep, deep into the throws of the pee pee dance before I will enter the coffin like confines. I mean it has to be a "Do the Hustle" level of pee pee dance before I will enter those confines.
I have often wondered if the people who claim to have joined the mile-high club on an airliner are lying 'cause frankly I just can't see how it's physically possible in one of those little rooms. Even the people who put together the Kama Sutra look at an airline lav and go "Oh my numerous Gods! I am thinking No! No WAY man!"
So imagine my SHOCK when I saw two people enter the lav together! I mean we all know girls have some kind of secret and possibly unholy communal urination pact where they can only go in groups but MAN I thought the pact would surely have an airline lav exclusion section!
So when I saw two people go in together I thought, "within seconds one will leave and wait her turn...." but NO! So after a minute or so I thought I MUST have evidence! No one will ever believe two people were in there at the same time! So I shot this 10 second video proving it!
Item Two)
We can now add this post to the ever accumulating "Rob is a moron" pile of evidence... I shoot photos landscape all the time then rotate as needed so it did not occur to me that shooting a video sideways is not quite the same thing. Duh.
Uh, lets make it a threefer...
Item Three)
NO, I am not in the habit of filming women leaving the restroom. This was a special case, I Swear!
I Flew to Dallas this weekend on my favorite Air Line (Southwest). I avoid airliner potties. I am not claustrophobic but the Lav's on airliners are sooo small I really hate dealing with them. I have to be deep, deep into the throws of the pee pee dance before I will enter the coffin like confines. I mean it has to be a "Do the Hustle" level of pee pee dance before I will enter those confines.
I have often wondered if the people who claim to have joined the mile-high club on an airliner are lying 'cause frankly I just can't see how it's physically possible in one of those little rooms. Even the people who put together the Kama Sutra look at an airline lav and go "Oh my numerous Gods! I am thinking No! No WAY man!"
So imagine my SHOCK when I saw two people enter the lav together! I mean we all know girls have some kind of secret and possibly unholy communal urination pact where they can only go in groups but MAN I thought the pact would surely have an airline lav exclusion section!
So when I saw two people go in together I thought, "within seconds one will leave and wait her turn...." but NO! So after a minute or so I thought I MUST have evidence! No one will ever believe two people were in there at the same time! So I shot this 10 second video proving it!
Item Two)
We can now add this post to the ever accumulating "Rob is a moron" pile of evidence... I shoot photos landscape all the time then rotate as needed so it did not occur to me that shooting a video sideways is not quite the same thing. Duh.
Uh, lets make it a threefer...
Item Three)
NO, I am not in the habit of filming women leaving the restroom. This was a special case, I Swear!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Just a *little* Embarrasing...
Well, I let myself be drug to a church social tonight.
They had a trivia contest and I am a little ticked and, yes a little embarrassed. You know sometimes there is more than one correct answer to a question and I really hate the small minded people who think there is a) Only one answer b) that the only correct answer is THIER answer!
The question was "Where do most woman have curly hair?" Well I shouted out ONE factually correct answer and yet they insisted that "Africa" was the only correct answer!
Grrrrrr.
They had a trivia contest and I am a little ticked and, yes a little embarrassed. You know sometimes there is more than one correct answer to a question and I really hate the small minded people who think there is a) Only one answer b) that the only correct answer is THIER answer!
The question was "Where do most woman have curly hair?" Well I shouted out ONE factually correct answer and yet they insisted that "Africa" was the only correct answer!
Grrrrrr.
What? No likeee?
I posted this on my facebook page last night and so far zero responses.
I think too many people live in denial and they just refuse to let themselves absorb the profound truth of this graphic. :)
My readers here are not cowed by truth so here it is in all its glory! :)
I think too many people live in denial and they just refuse to let themselves absorb the profound truth of this graphic. :)
My readers here are not cowed by truth so here it is in all its glory! :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I am a Moron
I can admit it.
First off a little back ground that is important to the story...
1) Most of Texas is a rather dusty place and a hard lesson you learn there is to turn the heat on for the first time each year BEFORE it gets so cold that you don't want to leave the windows open for a while afterwards. You see through out the summer the dust collects and the first time you fire up the heater all the dust gets sucked into the firebox, burned and distributed throughout the house! You get some light smoke and the smell is horrible! In fact it smells exactly what you think burning dust would smell like but just far more potent than you would expect!
Now up here in Illinois its rains ALL THE TIME so it is not so dusty here.
2) I usually get up at night at least once to pee if not more. I HATE when you get up in the middle of the night and turn on a light and then you are blinded by the seeming 10,000 candlepower spotlights you never knew were in your home! So I always keep a nightlight in the potty and never turn on a light during a midnight "stroll"
So to the story...
So this weekend we had a cold front blow through, it got down into the 30's for the first time this year. (grrrrr) However, before the front blew through it had been a very pretty day in the 70s.
So I wake up about 3:00 AM with a full bladder and I am freezing!! As I relieved the hydraulic pressure in my bladder I started to shiver and my teeth were clattering. I am still groggy and barely awake but I remember thinking DONT TURN ON THE HEAT I don't want to open all the windows and air out the house at 3:00 AM. (Even though that does not apply in Illinois, as I said, groggy!)
I also have my beloved electric blanket that Erika gave me but it is stored in the closet for summer so there is a huge hassle factor there getting it out and hooking up the wires etc. Not that big a deal really but at a groggy 3:00 AM while nibbling the edges of hypothermia it was not an appealing choice!
So I grabbed some blankets off the bed in the guest room and threw them over my bed crawled under them and shivered uncontrollably for that seeming eternity you endure while your body heat ever so slowly concentrates under the mound of blankets until you create a warm spot. .
So for the remainder of the night I was still cold but warm enough that I could at least sleep.
However, in my dreams though, I had a forced landing in my plane in the Rockies in the winter and I was sooo cold! In my dreams I was trying to build shelters and make blankets from animal hides etc because i was soooooo cold!
So in the morning I wake up with a full bladder. On a cold weekend morning hydraulic pressure or starvation are about the only things that can get me out from under a warm blanket! So I steel myself with mental exercises to convince my self it's not really cold, jump up out of bed and manage to empty the ol' bladder before the shivering starts (which would mean a mess to clean up if you know what I mean) then I head back for my warm bed.
I am stunned by the sight I see as I enter my room now bathed in daylight...
The window at the foot of my bed is WIDE open!
In my groggy 3:00 AM mental state I forgot I opened it the day before when it was so nice out and with the lights out I did not notice it being open! So 38 degree air had been flowing right in on my bed all night long!
What a dumb-ass!
By the way, if you know of a good kitty exorcicist e-mail me contact info!
First off a little back ground that is important to the story...
1) Most of Texas is a rather dusty place and a hard lesson you learn there is to turn the heat on for the first time each year BEFORE it gets so cold that you don't want to leave the windows open for a while afterwards. You see through out the summer the dust collects and the first time you fire up the heater all the dust gets sucked into the firebox, burned and distributed throughout the house! You get some light smoke and the smell is horrible! In fact it smells exactly what you think burning dust would smell like but just far more potent than you would expect!
Now up here in Illinois its rains ALL THE TIME so it is not so dusty here.
2) I usually get up at night at least once to pee if not more. I HATE when you get up in the middle of the night and turn on a light and then you are blinded by the seeming 10,000 candlepower spotlights you never knew were in your home! So I always keep a nightlight in the potty and never turn on a light during a midnight "stroll"
So to the story...
So this weekend we had a cold front blow through, it got down into the 30's for the first time this year. (grrrrr) However, before the front blew through it had been a very pretty day in the 70s.
So I wake up about 3:00 AM with a full bladder and I am freezing!! As I relieved the hydraulic pressure in my bladder I started to shiver and my teeth were clattering. I am still groggy and barely awake but I remember thinking DONT TURN ON THE HEAT I don't want to open all the windows and air out the house at 3:00 AM. (Even though that does not apply in Illinois, as I said, groggy!)
I also have my beloved electric blanket that Erika gave me but it is stored in the closet for summer so there is a huge hassle factor there getting it out and hooking up the wires etc. Not that big a deal really but at a groggy 3:00 AM while nibbling the edges of hypothermia it was not an appealing choice!
So I grabbed some blankets off the bed in the guest room and threw them over my bed crawled under them and shivered uncontrollably for that seeming eternity you endure while your body heat ever so slowly concentrates under the mound of blankets until you create a warm spot. .
So for the remainder of the night I was still cold but warm enough that I could at least sleep.
However, in my dreams though, I had a forced landing in my plane in the Rockies in the winter and I was sooo cold! In my dreams I was trying to build shelters and make blankets from animal hides etc because i was soooooo cold!
So in the morning I wake up with a full bladder. On a cold weekend morning hydraulic pressure or starvation are about the only things that can get me out from under a warm blanket! So I steel myself with mental exercises to convince my self it's not really cold, jump up out of bed and manage to empty the ol' bladder before the shivering starts (which would mean a mess to clean up if you know what I mean) then I head back for my warm bed.
I am stunned by the sight I see as I enter my room now bathed in daylight...
The window at the foot of my bed is WIDE open!
In my groggy 3:00 AM mental state I forgot I opened it the day before when it was so nice out and with the lights out I did not notice it being open! So 38 degree air had been flowing right in on my bed all night long!
What a dumb-ass!
By the way, if you know of a good kitty exorcicist e-mail me contact info!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wow! 40k!
Well, speaking of stats, this little blog is going to break 40,000 hits today.
That is pretty mind blowing to me. I can't get a date but I get 40,000 page hits. :)
Heck no, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?
That is pretty mind blowing to me. I can't get a date but I get 40,000 page hits. :)
Heck no, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Ah stats!
Just doing a little random reading this morning about Americans.
It seems in spite of many claims to the contrary we are QUITE green thankyouverymuch.
You see I read the average American consumes 2.18 gallons of alcohol a year. I also read that the average American walks 72.8 miles per year.
That means the average American gets 33.39 miles per gallon! Not too shabby America, not too shabby!
Keep up the good work!
It seems in spite of many claims to the contrary we are QUITE green thankyouverymuch.
You see I read the average American consumes 2.18 gallons of alcohol a year. I also read that the average American walks 72.8 miles per year.
That means the average American gets 33.39 miles per gallon! Not too shabby America, not too shabby!
Keep up the good work!
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